


Fallen Into The Abyss

by sadieHD



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Crack, Demily, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, In which every single member of BAU is depressed, Jemily - Freeform, Multi, hotchniss, theres nothing smutty yet but i have something planned for s6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 150
Words: 49,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11460438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadieHD/pseuds/sadieHD
Summary: "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."They are just men. They cannot be expected to withstand every torment without question. These are their questions.A collection of drabbles written after every episode.





	1. S1E1- Extreme Aggressor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this is a series of works written after each episode of Criminal Minds. Just as a preface, this revolves mainly around either Emily or Hotch, but the other members of the BAU are certainly in there. Most of these are set after episodes. Anyway, read on and enjoy!

Morgan tapped the door frame with his knuckles as he leaned into the open door. “What is it,” Hotch asked automatically, still pulling himself away from whatever papers littered his desk. 

“How’s that Gideon report coming?” Morgan asked, swinging his arms around, reminding Hotch of a bored child. Morgan always seemed to have that effect, no matter how manly he appeared to act. 

Hotch sighed. “Well it’s coming. I doubt it’ll matter what I write- Strauss probably has her mind made up already.”

“Aw, come on, Hotch, you know that’s not true,” Morgan said, slumping into the chair across from him. “I mean I’m not crazy. Strauss definitely doesn’t care what you think, but there are others who do. Above and below.” 

Hotch sensed they weren’t just talking about GIdeon anymore. “Meaning?” 

“How’d you think Elle did this case?” 

“Fairly well, I’d say,” Hotch considered. “She’s reckless and headstrong, but she has a strong intuition and she’s quick on her feet. She certainly tried hard to prove herself.”

“Tried?” 

“Morgan what is this?” Hotch asked “You rarely take interest in trainees beyond taking them out for drinks and whatever else they’ll let you get away with. Why the sudden interest in Elle?”

Morgan leaned in and grabbed on of the pens on Hotch’s desk and began fiddling with it, flipping it in his hand. “I dunno.” He looked up, meeting Hotch’s scrutinizing glower with a stubborn gaze of his own. “I just think she’d make a good fit.” 

“Why do you think that?” 

Morgan placed the pen back on the desk and stood up, walking toward the door. “Just something about her.” He flashed Hotch a grin. “Maybe I just want someone else who’ll stand up to you.” 

Hotch looked down once the agent was out of the room. He gathered the finished report on Gideon and stacked it to the side and smiled at the file revealed under the mess labeled _Elle Greenaway. _“I’ll see what I can do.”__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to request something about a specific episode, you can just leave it in the comments. For any other requests, go to my tumblr and shoot me an ask there.


	2. S1E2- Compulsion

“You’re getting there.” Gideon quickly reset the board. They had enough time for at least three more matches, maybe more if Reid started slipping up. Gideon almost chuckled aloud at the thought of Reid slipping up. Even if his technique wasn’t enough to been him yet, Gideon knew Reid did nothing but improve with each game.

“About what happened today,” Reid interrupted, “with Hotch, I mean-”

“Why did he try to talk her down when he warned me not to?” 

A flash of a smile. Why even bother asking a profiler a question if he already knows what you’re going to say?, he thought mirthfully. “Yeah.”

Gideon shook his head slightly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Hotch is one of the most stoic members of the team. He always does his paperwork on time. His office at the end of the night is always meticulously clean. He can command the most pompous detectives we come across without batting an eye. We’re a team of the best profilers in the world and we can’t tell when he’s had an argument with Haley the night before. He’s practically a machine.” Reid looked at his hands, turning over the king in his hands. “If I wasn’t here I’m pretty sure Morgan and Elle would tease him nonstop about being so dry. But sometimes Hotch acts irrationally and becomes… compassionate.” 

“Reid,” Gideon interjected. “Do you really think Morgan and Elle mean it when they make fun of you?” 

The young genius laughed softly. “No, not really.” And he’s a complete psychopath, Elle’s voice rang through his ears. 

Reid looked up and met Gideon’s gaze. Never before had he felt so scrutinized, like a bug under a microscope. For a long time neither of them said anything. “Good.” Gideon finished setting up the board and looked at Reid pointedly. 

“Oh.” Reid placed the king in it’s place, sturdy and strong, though the crisp corners were rubbed smooth from use.


	3. S1E3- Won't Get Fooled Again

“That’s all my paperwork for the Walker case.” Hotch looked between the intimidating stack of papers and Elle. “I did most of it while we were still in Florida while Gideon was taking Bale back to prison,” she admitted.  
“Couldn’t find anything better to do in Palm Beach?” 

“Hmm didn’t feel like going out with Reid to a bar would be quite as exciting as my favorite part of the job.” 

Hotch chuckled lightly. “Well, since you missed such a grand opportunity, allow me to give you the next best thing.” He reached into his bottom drawer and set a bottle of scotch and two tumblers on the desk.

Elle’s eyes lit up. “Wow, the Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit himself, sneaking away scandalous jars of ambrosia.” She promptly sat down and readily accepted the glass as he filled it. “Didn’t know you were such a rebel, Hotch.” 

“Please,” he said as he poured some for himself, “how do you think I survive these long nights?” Elle, still reeling in shock, gladly clinked glasses. They both took hearty swigs. “Er.. don’t tell Morgan.”

“Not a word,” Elle replied, managing to conceal her disappointment. What was the point of this scurrilous discovery if she couldn’t spread it to the world? She took another sip. _Ah yes _, she thought as the fine alcohol stung the back of her throat, _that’s why.___

____They sat in pleasant silence for a while, drinking every now and again. “So,” Hotch asked as he refilled her glass, “how are you?”_ _ _ _

____“Um, well I guess I’m alrigh- Oh my God.” She hung her head as she realized she had fallen for it. “Hotch, please, I’m fine.”_ _ _ _

____Hotch took another drink, to his credit not revealing even the slightest hint of smugness. “And yet…”_ _ _ _

____“‘And yet’ nothing! I’m fine.”_ _ _ _

____Hotch leaned in. “Elle. You saw a woman get hit by a car. A man walked into the station with a bomb that could’ve killed us. Another man set off a bomb that nearly killed us. You’re not ‘fine’, you’re in shock.”_ _ _ _

____“In shock from your alcohol stash,” she muttered into her drink._ _ _ _

____With his best ‘I’m going to ignore what you just said for both our sakes’ face he pressed on, “Elle. Please.”_ _ _ _

____“The same things happened to Morgan and Gideon and even Reid! Why don’t you ask them?”_ _ _ _

____“Because I _know _them. And I know who they talk to and what each of them do when they’re upset.” Hotch sighed. “It’s not about strength, Elle. Everyone in the Bureau knows you can handle this job. You won’t let them forget. But that doesn’t mean you have to lock everything away and never talk, never open up, never let yourself go.”___ _ _ _

______“Because you do that sooo often, right? Tell me, when was the last time you talked to anyone how any of this made _you feel _?”___ _ _ _ _ _

________Hotch leaned back, caught off guard. After a moment, he continued, “Well, you’ve got me there, Agent Greenaway.” He looked at her. “How ‘bout this: anytime you need something, anything- not even talk, just someone to sit and be around for a little while- you come into my office and we break out the scotch?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Elle sat quietly (a miraculous occasion Hotch would be sure to jot down) and turned the tumbler in her hands. “Alright,” she breathed, barely audible. She drank the rest of her glass and allowed Hotch to refill it. They sat in silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Coin collecting??”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. S1E4- Plain Sight

“Hold up. My boy _Spencer Reid _is on a _date _?? With _JJ _??” Morgan had been pacing around the room since Gideon told him fifteen minutes ago. what was keeping their resident genius from continuing the belated birthday party.______

____

______Gideon held his hands up. “Don’t act so surprised.”_ _ _ _ _ _

____

______Elle elbowed Morgan, laughing. “We all knew the kid had it in ‘em.”_ _ _ _ _ _

____

______“If I wasn’t still in shock we’d have a little talk about you calling anyone kid, but lucky for you I’m too busy trying to picture Reid and _JJ _.”___ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Come on, you don’t think they’re cute together?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Look I just can’t really picture it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________“Just imagine their little babies!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________Garcia clapped her hands in delight. “With a little bit of photoshop we won’t need to!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____


	5. S1E5- Broken Mirror

“How’d you get him to talk?” 

Elle smirked. “You really wanna know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first person to talk is either Derek Hotch or Gideon. The ambiguity encourages audience participation.


	6. S1E6- L.D.S.K.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote two snippets for this work, but I don't really like either of them. For the first one I decided to rewrite a scene in a way that, while it may not align exactly with the characters we know an love, is much more satisfying for me. The second on is just a regular little drabble I guess.

“Reid!” The poor boy barely had chance to look up before he found himself engulfed in the arms of his unit chief. “Reid! God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean any of it! You know that, right? God! I was such an asshole! Please forgive me, I couldn’t think of a better plan! I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Reid reassured him after taking a moment to recover from shock. Hotch hugging someone? Unheard of! He pulled away grinning. “Though to be perfectly honest I can’t tell if you’re apologizing for insulting me and beating me or for giving me a gun.”

Hotch smiled and Reid could’ve sworn there were tears in his eyes (though Morgan and Elle would argue that it was just the reflection from the siren lights). “I’m so sorry. You know, I wouldn’t have kept kicking but I was worried you wouldn’t get the message.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Reid laughed, “I knew what your plan was as soon as you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.” 

Hotch lightly clapped him on the shoulder, wary of his wounds. “Hey, it was a nice shot.” 

“I was aiming for his leg.” 

Hotch laughed lightly before staring Reid down, noting the cut lip and the bruises beginning to form. “I hope I didn’t beat you up too bad.” 

Reid beamed, seemingly proud of his first wounds attained on the field, even if it was from someone on his side. “Hotch, I was a 12 year old child prodigy at a public high school in Las Vegas. You kick like a nine year old girl.” 

Hotch laughed and hugged the kid tightly. “I care about you. You know that, right?” 

“Ye-yeah.”

Hotch finally released him and, with a final pat on the back, left the boy genius to his care. When Morgan walked over Reid thought he’d never hear the end of the tears trailing down his cheeks. 

 

-

 

“Seriously, though, are you alright kid?” Reid found himself cornered by Morgan and JJ almost immediately after they returned to their office at Quantico. “I mean, you shot a guy in the head. _After _our unit chief beat the shit outta you.”__

__Reid shuffled, a little nervous from the attention. “He didn’t even kick me that hard.”_ _

__JJ snorted._ _

__“He _didn’t _. Anyway, I’m fine.”___ _

____Morgan put a firm hand on Reid’s soldier. “Alright, but we’re here for you. You know that right?”_ _ _ _

____Reid stared into Morgan’s eyes, surprised to find truth concealed within them. “Yes,” he said shakily. “Yes.” He restated firmly. And in some ways, Reid supposed he actually believed it._ _ _ _

____Morgan clapped him on the shoulder. “Good. Now let’s go out for a drink. I’d say you’ve earned-” he paused as Hotch stormed out of his office, phone glued to his ear._ _ _ _

____“It’s alright, baby, I’m on my way, just stay calm, I’ll put my sirens on, just stay calm, it’ll be alright.”_ _ _ _

____Morgan huffed. “What’s that all about?”_ _ _ _


	7. S1E7- Fox

Only JJ and Morgan remained as the others filed out of the conference room. JJ began taking down the pictures of the murdered families, resetting the room for the next batch of horrors that would always line their walls. Morgan leaned back in his chair, feeling his own breath on his cold hands.

JJ held one of the child’s paintings in her hands. She studied the brush strokes, untechnical, uncaring, yet so full of love. “You ever considered it?” 

“Considered what? Kids?” Morgan looked up at the ceiling. _Why not put pictures up there, too? _he thought, _Just in case we didn’t feel surrounded by death daily _. “Nah.” Morgan swivelled his chair around until he could see Hotch’s office across the bullpen, dark before midnight for the first time in months. “I couldn’t bring a kid into this.”____


	8. S1E8- Natural Born Killer

“What is it?” 

Garcia looked over at Reid before quickly closing the video. “It’s nothing.”

“Hang on, wasn’t that the video of the end of the interrogation? When Hotch got his information? Pull it up, I want to see!”

“Reid, you’re acting like a child,” Elle said, flipping through the files of cases spanning thirty years. 

“Come on, you’re not even a little curious to see how the infamous Agent Hotchner managed to break this freak?” 

Elle looked up at Morgan. “Screw it,” she sighed, getting out of her chair and joining the rest as they leaned over Garcia. “Let’s watch.’

“Guys, I really don’t think this is such a good idea. It’s completely boring I’m just working on manuscripts, you don’t have to-” 

Morgan interrupted her fumbling, “Baby girl, come on. Take those headphones off your pretty little head and let’s see daddy work his magic.” 

“Daddy?” Elle asked incredulously. 

“Shh.”

Garcia reluctantly pulled up the video file.

-

“Some people grow up to catch them?” Elle repeated. 

“Guys, I don’t think this is such a good idea anymore. Let’s let Garcia get back to working on the manuscript. We’ve got plenty to do-”

“Hang on,” Morgan interrupted. “What do we know from Hotch’s childhood?” He looked around the room expectantly. No one would meet his eyes. He turned to Garcia and cocked his head. 

“Morgan…” she trailed. “This isn’t what-”

“I want to know,” Morgan stated firmly.  
“We made a promise not to profile each other…”

“Reid, are you saying you’re not the least bit interested when your unit chief admits to being physically abused?”

“Well,” Elle cut in, “He didn’t explicitly say anything about it. He could’ve just said it to get the bastard riled up.”

“Bullshit and you know it. He had already cracked, there’s no reason to empathize.” 

“We still need a confession.” 

Morgan motioned to the images plastered on Garcia’s screens. “You really think we’ll need a confession? We found Baker in his dad’s basement?”

“Coincidence?”

“Dammit!” Morgan slammed his hands on the files stacked on the desks. 

Elle walked toward him. “Morgan, why does this matter to you so much anyway? So what if he was abused? It doesn’t make him any worse of a leader.”

“If anything I’d think it’d make him better,” Garcia added.

“We all have our troubles,” Reid said. “It makes us who we are and inspires us to do better.” 

Morgan looked up. “Thanks Dr. Phil.”

“Morgan, it doesn’t matter,” Elle continued. “He has a right not to tell us. He’s allowed to keep things to himself. It doesn’t matter if his dad beat him. We don’t even know if it’s true.”

Morgan shook his head. “Y’all don’t get it.” He turned away and opened the door and came face to face with Hotch on the other side, scowling. Reid stood up, stuttering while Garcia’s mouth fell open. Elle had the grace to maintain her composure, but her hands tightened around her files. Morgan huffed and brushed past him. “Why should we bother telling him anything at this point? He’s clearly so prepared to reciprocate. Wonder if his wife even knows.” 

Hotch fixed a glare at each member of his team, his scrutinizing glower shining with an intensity that made everyone in the room uncomfortable. After a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity, “Why bother?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Morgan and Hotch share an abusive past and neither of them want to acknowledge it.


	9. S1E9- Derailed

“Hotch?” Elle knocked on the door frame to his office.

Hotch looked up from his papers briefly. “How’re you feeling?”

Elle looked down and tucked her hair behind her ear as she walked into the middle of his office. She glanced at the new picture on his desk: Jack in Haley’s arms, Haley in Hotch’s arms. “Better than I did earlier today, when I was staring down the barrel of a psychotic’s gun.”

“I’ll bet,” he said, shifting through his papers. 

Elle stood there for a moment, hands on the chair in front of her, caught off guard by his aloofness. “Umm... “ _Didn’t he say I could talk to him? _“I just figured, it’s been a rough couple of cases. Family killer then a hostage situation. Maybe we could just take a night off? Drink our problems away?”__

__The bottle of scotch and a single tumbler made a cold thud on the table. “Knock yourself out.”_ _

__Elle stiffened. “Look, is this about the other night? We all apologized, we shouldn’t have said anything-”_ _

__“This isn’t about anything,” Hotch finally looked up at her. This time his gaze was hollow, empty.  
She felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. _Chill, Elle, keep your cool. _“This isn’t about anything other than me needing to get my work done so I can go home, alright?”___ _

____“Alright,” she muttered, about to turn away. “Sure thing, boss.”_ _ _ _

____“Why bother telling me anything at this point, right?”_ _ _ _

____Elle froze. She turned back to look at Hotch, still rifling through his paperwork. You said you would help me! “Exactly,” she said in a tone that matched his own in coldness. She felt herself harden. Scowling, she stormed out of the room and slammed the door, ignoring Morgan reaching out to her as she rushed out of the building. “Why bother?”_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the early ones like a month ago and I just wanna say wow the early ones really suck. I mean the later ones suck to, but not nearly as much.


	10. S1E10- The Popular Kids

Jennifer, they called. Why won’t you help us?

JJ whirled around, eyes unblinking as they followed the faint glowing spheres floating in the mist. 

Why won’t you save us?

As she looked closer, she noticed they faintly resembled faces. But there was something else in the mist…

You know about us, but you turn away. Why? 

JJ stood frozen in horror as she realized the lumpy mist was actually the form of hundreds of mutilated bodies meshed together in a mass of grey, translucent flesh. 

She screamed as it turned directly towards her, the figure growing in size, screaming as it enveloped her. 

WHY????

 

-

 

Gideon was enjoying a pleasant stroll through the park. The grass seemed to be shining in the sunlight and the leaves whistled in the cool breeze. He breathed in the fresh air, completely at peace. Birds twittered as they soared through the trees, their bright colors even more vibrant against the cool greens. 

He smiled as he followed a pair of birds. They floated in the sky, whispering to each other as they erratically, yet purposefully, flew towards their nest. The tree shrunk as he approached, revealing the contents of the nest.

Gideon recoiled in horror. Within the nest was a young girl’s head, beaten and bloodied. The bird’s beady eyes followed them, their claws growing into talons, cracking the decaying bark of the tree. Around him the world seem to rot as the array of colors that had enlivened the earth became destitute in its ruin. The leaves aged and fell away in a matter of seconds, revealing jagged, grey branches; the grass shriveled and retreated into the earth, leaving a dry, barren ground in its wake. 

_Dear God, save me from this place. ___

__

__-_ _

__

__The young girl had ridden her bike, leaded with training wheels, all around the neighborhood. Yet this day, she rode with particular excitement._ _

__“Daddy!” she cried as she barreled towards the house._ _

__The man standing at the driveway chuckled. “Hey, Peanut. Already made the rounds?”_ _

__The girl stopped when she noticed the man was wearing a crisp uniform, decorated with medals and badges of honor. “No.”_ _

__The man shook his head and chuckled lightly. “I’m sorry, Peanut, but I really gotta go.”_ _

__“You were supposed to teach me to ride my bike today!” she yelled, her knuckles tightening as she gripped the handlebars almost painfully._ _

__“Elle,” he stated firmly. “I have to leave.”_ _

__“Noooooo!” she shrieked, stamping her feet._ _

__“That’s enough,” he said, walking towards the hearse._ _

__“I hate you!!”_ _

__

__-_ _

__

__“You’re a monster!” she screamed, “Did you know that, you bastard? A fucking monster!”_ _

__“No, Haley you don’t understand-”_ _

__“Don’t fucking tell me I don’t understand! I’ve had enough of you trying to make excuses for yourself. Well no more! All those people you killed- Shit!”_ _

__“Haley, I didn’t kill anyone. Please stop-”_ _

__“Didn’t kill anyone? God, Aaron, how stupid do you think I am? No, Aaron. No, you didn’t kidnap those girls, No, Aaron, you didn’t rape those women. You didn’t blow up that car, you didn’t torture those families, you didn’t violate those kids. But you didn’t stop it.”_ _

__“I tried.”_ _

__“Bullshit. Like you tried to protect your brother? You ran away like the coward you are. I’ve seen you ‘try’ Aaron. I can’t believe I actually expected you to make a good father for my child”_ _

__“Haley-”_ _

__“It’s not like you know anything about being a good father. You’re surrounded by fathers who rape their children, for Christ’s sake. At least your father didn’t do that, right?”_ _

__Haley_ _

__“At least that’s what you told me. He only beat you. He only put you in the hospital- what was it- twice?”_ _

__Haley please_ _

__“Or were those just the times your mother bothered to sneak you out to the doctor’s? Maybe that’s why you’re so fucked up: he must had hit you in the head so many times.”_ _

__Oh God, please stop_ _

__“Well you must’ve fucking deserved it. God, I can’t believe I actually got stuck with you. You: a pathetic, sniveling little liar who can’t take responsibility for his actions.”_ _

__Please I can’t take this anymore_ _

__“How many more times do you think you’re going to let your poor little boy down? Well fucking screw it.”_ _

__Not from you_ _

__“After all the shit you’ve pulled you’re lucky you even get to have a picture of him, much less raise him.”_ _

__I’m so sorry please I’ll do anything just let me love you please please pleasepleaseplease_ _

__“Then again, I guess the only thing you’re dad taught you was how to take advantage of your family, right? That and how to clean your own wounds.”_ _

__“HALEY!”_ _

__Hotch bolted up and looked around. Everyone was still asleep, thankfully. On the other side of the plane Reid was sitting across from Gideon, his head leaning over his chair, a picture held delicately in his pale hands, his lips twitching as he condemned whatever demons he was dealing with in his own nightmares. He looked out the window, his gaze drifting among the clouds._ _

__Please._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which the entire BAU has nightmares- much to spencer's and derek's relief


	11. S1E11- Blood Hungry

Jason watched as Aaron left his office. As much as the boy acted the stoic leader, as much as everyone believed it, Jason knew that as soon as he got to his own office he would call Haley and make sure she knew he was alright, he would be home shortly. Jason also knew ‘shortly’ would turn into ‘early in the morning’ and that, as much as Haley was angered by empty promises, she would allow herself to be wrapped in his arms and rejoice in his homecoming. Jason knew neither of them would be able to keep it up for long. 

Jason knew because he lived it himself. He saw so much of himself in Aaron, so much he hated him with the same irrational ferocity he loved him with. But above all, he pitied Aaron. Pitied him and mourned the future he was destined to have. There would be no patient wife waiting for him to return in five, ten years. She’d be long gone, and she’d take whatever hopes for personal happiness that had survived the horrors of the job and she’d leave him. And he would rot. Oh, how he would rot. The wounds suffered throughout the years, held at bay by the slightest chance of a smile, would take root. The abuse would fester in his heart until he was merely a withered husk of the great man he aspired to be. And Aaron Hotchner would fall.


	12. S1E12- What in Fresh Hell?

“You wanted to see me, sir?” 

Hotch looked up and set aside his work. “Yes, please come in.”

JJ adjusted her pants nervously as she sat down. “Did we get another case?

“Uh, no. Well, yes, but that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.” JJ looked up expectantly at him. “The press conference on the last case, with the parents. I saw you speaking with that reporter from New York. Howard?”

“Hal,” JJ said, suddenly very interested in Hotch’s nameplate. 

“I need to know what information you gave him.”

“What?” 

Hotch sighed. “JJ, as our liaison with the press, I need to make sure you don’t have anything that could interfere with any of our investigations. Elle overheard some of your conversation and you two seemed quite close.”

“I- I mean we were, but that was a long time ago. Even if we still were I would never give information pertinent to the case.” JJ frowned, somewhat startled by the accusation.

Hotch maintained eye contact, brow furrowed. “If we have any leaks I need to know beforehand that it’s not from you. The officers we deal with are bad enough.”

“Sir, I’d never.”

He nodded. “I just needed to make sure. Thank you, JJ.” 

JJ bowed her head lightly, still a little disoriented. “Anytime, sir.”


	13. S1E13- Poison

“AHHHHH,” Garcia cried. “What is this?!”

Everyone cheered as she entered the bullpen, throwing confetti and setting off poppers as they surrounded one of the desks. Morgan, donned with a very manly looking party hat, smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “This is a celebration, baby girl.”

Garcia grinned, focus drifting from Morgan to the cake on the table. “Oh yeah? A celebration for what?”

“Well you did such a good job with the last case we figured we’d welcome our new profiler,” Elle said, tossing a bright pink feather boa over her neck. 

“New profiler?” Garcia gasped, “I’m not a profiler I’m just the technical analyst-”

“There’s nothing ‘just’ about your role, Garcia,” Hotch assured. 

“Without you, I’m pretty sure this team would fall apart!” Morgan laughed.

JJ presented the festive paper plates. “So we figured we’d give you a little thank you.”

They all sat Garcia down, who, looking very pleased with herself, attempted to reach all their hands at once, pulling them in for hugs while JJ cut the cake. “Alright, little one’s first!” Morgan announced as JJ passed the first slice to Reid who, for once, seemed to be enjoying himself at a party. Even if it was a cubicle-sized party stationed in the bullpen. 

“Thank you, everyone!” Garcia shouted, happily surrounded by her loved ones. She looked around: Reid was getting his elastic hat thwapped on his head by Morgan with JJ good naturedly swatted them both; Elle was taking pictures of them all, trying to aim around the balloons Morgan tried to block her with; even Gideon was there (hatless, but there) eating cake while Hotch, looking very dignified in his multicolored party hat, was presumably saying something humorless they both seemed to find very funny. 

Garcia smiled, tears brimming in her eyes. This was her family. This was her home.


	14. S1E14- Riding the Lightning

They both sat in the silent dark, two empty bottles on the table and one half full. Neither of them attempted to deceive themselves into thinking they wouldn’t finish off the next two bottles stored in the cabinet. Lights from distant cars flashed through the window, illuminating the room in erratic flares. 

“You know,” Gideon said, his voice dulled by the alcohol, but still ringing with wise commandments, “he was right about one thing?”

Hotch leaned over to pour his old friend another drink. His voice was slurred almost incomprehensibly, but his hands never trembled. “What? JJ’s hair smelling good?”

Gideon chuckled and raised his glass, spilling the acrid liquid onto the rug. “You never smile.”


	15. S1E15- Unfinished Business

“What was it like?” Morgan asked. “In the beginning?”

Gideon swirled the whiskey in his glass and looked over at Ryan. “Max? You’d know this better than I,” he added at the older man’s incredulous look.  
Ryan sighed. “It certainly wasn’t as efficient as it is now,” he said, waving his beer between JJ and Garcia. “If we had had either of these beautiful ladies I’m sure we would’ve been unstoppable. Not just because we’d be motivated beyond belief, mind you,” he assured the two blushing women as the rest of the team laughed. 

He gazed into space, appearing to be lost in memory. “It was the best,” he reminisced. “I mean no offense; I’m sure what you all have going is far better than the shit we used to do.” He nudged Gideon, chuckling softly. “No, I’m sure what you’re doing here is great. Especially with young Aaron over here leading you to greatness. But, if you’ll allow an old man his sayings, it’ll never be the good ole days. Not for me at least.”

“Pucker up, old man!” Morgan cried, rousing the crew from the morose mood that had overcome their festivities. “We’re here to celebrate! Come on, tell us a few good stories! How ‘bout one with baby Hotchner? I’ve been dying to get some blackmail on this guy!” 

Ryan was much obliged to comply.


	16. S1E16- The Tribe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two snippets again! The first one is placed right after the beginning of the episode and the second one is timed when the Hotchners eat dinner.

“‘Now you see it’?” Garcia paused. “JJ are you saying Aaron Hotchner has a nice ass?”

“Have you checked?”

“...Fair.” 

 

-

 

 

“Aaron… what do you remember about dad?” 

Hotch almost dropped his fork. “Why do you ask?”

Sean shifted his beer between his hands. “I dunno man. I’ve just been noticing a few days ago that I don’t know all that much about him. He died right before you left for college. I wasn’t even in first grade yet.” He shook his head and took a swig. “I barely remember anything before that.”

“What do you remember?” Hotch struggled to keep his voice under control. _He knows, goddamnit, he knows what you did to him. ___

__“Huh. Practically nothing. I guess I remember how mom and dad were always hugging.” Sean grinned. “They were in love, weren’t they A?”_ _

__Hotch nodded, his voice tight. “Yeah. Yeah they were.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can anyone name something better than hotch beating the shit out of everyone? no. you can't


	17. S1E17- A Real Rain

“Morgan?” 

“What’s up, kid?” 

“If you knew an unsub was going to walk away, free of all charges, would you want to kill him?”

“I’d _want _to.”__


	18. S1E18- Somebody's Watching

“‘Fell in,’ huh?”

“Oh, don’t worry, Elle. We’ll tease him aaaaaaaall about it later.”


	19. S1E19- Machismo

Hotch drove straight home as soon as they got off the plane, at the back of his mind wondering how he would repay Elle for insisting he go home and taking on his paperwork. It was still pretty early- only nine- when he finally walked in the door. “Haley,” he called. “I’m home!” He locked the door. “Jessica?” No response. 

He ran upstairs, figuring they’d be in the nursery. Nothing. He checked the guest bedroom. Nothing. He checked their bedroom. Nothing. He ran downstairs, scanning the tables for a note, and called his wife. _Pick up pick up pick up _. He unconsciously noted the sealed windows and doors- no sign of forced entry.__

__“Aaron?”_ _

__“Oh, Haley. I was so worried. Where are you?”_ _

__She sounded sleepy over the phone. “I’m at Jessica’s.”_ _

__“Do you want me to pick you up?”_ _

__“No, it’s fine. I’ll come back tomorrow.”_ _

__“Oh,” Hotch replied. He struggled to hide his disappointment. “I’ll- I’ll see you tomorrow then. I love you.”_ _

__She had already hung up._ _


	20. S1E20- Charm and Harm

“You’re disgusting,” Elle said, picking a speck of lettuce that had sprayed on her jacket as Morgan wolfed down a burger.

He paused, gaping mouth full of food. “Awr you kigging ee? We jush caugh a murgerer and you wanna cohplain aout my oo?”

Elle suppressed a shudder. “Your what?”

“My oo.”

“Your what?”

Morgan finished chewing and audibly gulped the heaping mass of mashed burger. “My _food _.”__

__“Yeah,” Elle said, wiping crumbs off the dashboard, “I am.”_ _

__Morgan laughed before crumpling up the wrapper and tossing it in the back. “Come on, it hasn’t been that bad, has it?”_ _

__Elle watched as he put his bare feet on the dashboard, his soaking boots somewhere under the pile of food bags, shaking her head and smiling. “No,” she admitted, “it hasn’t been.” She frowned as he started throwing fries in the air and catching them in his mouth. “But you gotta admit, you’re kinda disgusting.”_ _

__Morgan beamed, a curly fry in his pearly teeth. “Admit it: this has been fun.”_ _

__Elle sighed. “You got me there. You’re hardly a boring car mate.”_ _

__“Oh, baby,” he groaned, “you haven’t been on a road trip with Reid yet, have you? He has all his little nerd books and fucking Tedtalks on audio tapes.”_ _

__Elle laughed as she swiped a fry. “Yeah, I guess I’ll take horrible eater over that.”_ _

__“I’ll have you know I pride myself on making excellent conversation.”_ _

__“I’ll believe it when I see it.”  
Morgan raised his eyebrows. “You haven’t found me entertaining on this car ride?”_ _

__“Derek, we’ve been chasing a serial killer this whole time. It’s not like either of us were in the mood for I Spy.”_ _

__Morgan nodded. “How about this: we drive to Quantico.” He ignored her probably not horrified gasp. “Just you and me. If it’s not the best road trip you’ve been on, I won’t bug you about your boyfriend anymore.”_ _

__Elle shook his hand, a twinkle in her eye. “Deal.” Morgan winked and she started the car._ _

__“Does this mean you have a boyfriend?”_ _

__“Did I ever tell you about the time my dad drove us to Disney World?”_ _

__“FUCK”_ _


	21. S1E21- Secrets and Lies

“Are you um- are you alright?” Reid asked, fingering a forfeited chess piece as Gideon was taking a decidedly long amount of time making his next move. 

“Hmm?” Gideon grunted, seeming to wake from a thoughtful stupor.

“I asked if you were alright,” Reid repeated. “You lost a friend; that must be hard.”

Gideon shook his head. “Not necessarily. “

“Oh?” Reid joked, “Do you just compartmentalize?”

Gideon huffed while he took Reid’s second knight. “I suppose.”

Reid took a moment to reformulate his strategy before continuing, “Do you ever get tired of hiding away your emotions?”

Gideon looked out into the bullpen, where their fellow team members were laughing. “You get used to it.”


	22. S1E22- The Fisher King Pt. 1

_This is all your fault. ___


	23. S2E1- The Fisher King Pt. 2

Gideon looked up as the door slammed open. 

“Hold on,” Hotch said, his eyes hot with anger. “I get to say something first.”

Gideon motioned for him to speak, hiding his confusion.

“We didn’t need that press conference. It wasn’t what we needed and it wasn’t what the unsub needed to hear. All it caused was Elle’s possible death and nothing is worth that. The only reason you want to be here is so you can tell her when she wakes up- if she wakes up- how it wasn’t your fault because you can’t take responsibility for any of your mistakes.” At this point Hotch’s yelling was drawing the attention of nurses reluctant to attempt to silent the scary FBI agent. “You don’t have it any worse of the rest of us. We turned her into a victim. Don’t try to manipulate yourself out of the blame. All that fucking press conference did was get a guy Garcia could’ve found who we didn’t even need. ”

Gideon rose, face red. “Garcia was the one who let all this happen in the first place.” 

“Oh, so you’re fine putting the blame on Garcia? You were more than willing to condemn her when she admitted- _admitted _\- being the cause of the leak. Yet here you are planning your speech for when Elle wakes up so she won’t kick your ass for starting that useless press conference.”__

__“You sent her home,” Gideon hissed._ _


	24. S2E2- P911

JJ scoffed and brought her beer to her lips. “The one’s with kids are hard, aren’t they?”

“They’re all hard,” Morgan snapped, ordering his sixth beer.

Gideon considered the agent before nodding to Hotch. “Katie,” the unit chief began, “You may not believe it, but JJ over here could probably hold her own against you at darts.”

“‘Hold her own’?” JJ played along, diligently not looking over at Morgan. “You insult me, Agent Hotchner.”

“We’ll see,” the former BAU agent acknowledged the challenge, grabbing her beer and walking toward the back of the bar, sporting her protegee a playful look. Garcia smartly kept her mouth shut and followed, shooting a worried glance at Morgan. 

“Now this I wanna see,” Elle said, wrapping her arm around Reid’s shoulder and herding the confused genius towards the others as JJ and Katie began their game, leaving Gideon alone with Morgan. 

“Well, you got me alone,” Derek said, nursing his beer. “What do you want?” He refused to look at Gideon.

The older man held out his hands. “I don’t want anything. But if you want to talk about something-”

“What makes you think I wanna talk about something?”

Gideon sighed. “You seem to take cases like this personally.”

“More personally than anyone else on this team?”

“Maybe.”

Gideon was surprised by the darkness in Morgan’s eyes as he finally turned to face him. “Cut the crap, Gideon, what do you want?”

Gideon paused. “To make sure you’re okay.”

Morgan scoffed. “I’ll live.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Derek Morgan's bad dies are merely amplified by his silence


	25. S2E3- The Perfect Storm

“What- what’s this?” Garcia stood at the doorway to her office, staring at JJ, Morgan, and Hotch in awe. They had apparently brought in a small table in the middle of the cluttered room, keeping a respectful distance away from her computers. On the table was a cute arrangement of cupcakes as well as an adorably wrapped present.

“We just wanted to say ‘thank you’ for being so wonderful on this case, baby girl,” Morgan smiled wrapping his arms.

“We know this kind of stuff is hard on you,” Hotch nodded. “We really appreciate it.”

“So,” JJ said, handing her a cupcake,”to make up for it, we decided to bring a little more life into a place that was so heavily enveloped in darkness and death for the past few days.” 

Garcia accepted her cupcake gleefully, gasping. “Thank you all! These look lovely!”

Hotch flashed a smile- something becoming all too rare recently. “Turns out Morgan is quite the baker.”

“Yeah and it turns out Hotch is an expert present wrapper,” Morgan retaliated. 

“It’s a perfectly manly skill,” Hotch defended. 

Garcia giggled as she unwrapped her gift. “Oh my god…” Garcia gasped. “They’re so cute!” she squealed, immediately clipping the miniature stuffed animals to her monitors. 

“I figured the little hooks on the side would be perfect for when you needed some immediate reassurance,” JJ said. 

“Oh thank you!” She gathered the three agents in her arms, squeezing them tightly. “I love you guys!”


	26. S2E4- Psychodrama

“How are you?”

Elle looked up to see her unit chief standing over desk. “I’m fine.” 

Hotch crossed his arms. “Are you sure? The last case was rough. You handled it well.”

“Working in sex crimes will do that to you.” She stacked the paperwork on her desk and began walking away.

Hotch followed. “Elle, we’ve been on hard cases ever since you got back. Are you alright? No one will think twice if you need some time off-”

“Time off?” She stopped and turned around, facing him indignantly. “Maybe you could use some time off. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to be sent a video of your son’s first steps. How’s that condition by the way? Is he getting better? Oh wait, sorry, nevermind. Maybe I should ask his parent that.” 

Hotch watched her storm away, sighing. He caught sight of Reid, who seemed embarrassed to be caught watching and turned away. “Reid,” Hotch called, stopping the boy short.

Spencer walked toward his commander guiltily. “Um ye-yeah?”

Hotch nodded to where Elle had just left. “You care about her, right?” Spencer nodded. “I need you to do something for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Hotch recruits Spencer to help


	27. S2E5- Aftermath

Gideon sighed as he got in the car with Hotch. “So. What are we gonna do now.”

Gideon noted Hotch’s jaw clench. Hotch nodded, his voice full of stoic resolve. “I’m going to take care of this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for context: this is after elle kills that guy


	28. S2E6- The Boogeyman

“Hotch, where’s Elle?” Morgan burst into his superior’s office. 

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call you back,” he muttered into the phone as he hung up, caught off guard by the disheveled agent. 

“Hotch, all her stuff is gone! What did you do?” 

“Elle resigned,” Hotch stated firmly. 

“What. Did. You. Do?” Morgan repeated.

“I didn’t do anything. She left on her own.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Morgan spat. He slammed his hands on the desk. “You think I’m that dumb? That I’d believe she just took off?”

“Morgan, I think you’re very intelligent. I also think your emotions are getting the better of you.”

Hotch’s calm demeanor infuriated Morgan. “Well you wanna know what I think? I think it’s real convenient that you and Elle were out the same day and only one of you comes back.” He leaned in, staring down Hotch’s emotionless, dark eyes. “What’d you do, Hotch? You ask her for a confession? When she didn’t give you one you told her not to come back? Is that what happened?” Hotch said nothing. “Or maybe it was more than that. Maybe you finally used this as an excuse to fire her. You were never too big a fan, were you?”  
Hotch rose from his seat. “That’s enough.”

Morgan smiled, pleased that he was able to elicit a reaction from the statue himself. “Ah, now we’re getting somewhere! Now why don’t you tell me what happened.”

“I’ll tell you what happened. I followed her, watched as she threw away her phone, her clothes, her home, her life. I caught up with her by her father’s grave and I asked her to come clean. You think I hated her? I loved her. I loved her the same way I love everyone out in that bullpen.” Morgan stepped back, alarmed by the ferocity in Hotch’s voice. “You want to know what happened? You want someone to blame? Blame me. I sent her to her house, I got her shot; I sent undercover, I turned her into a murderer.”

Morgan reeled, visions flooding through his head of Elle and Hotch laughing together, drinking when the team went to bars, being happy. _He loves us _? “Hotch-”__

__“Get out of my office.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which morgan is Shook that an alpha male authority figure is not a complete asshole


	29. S2E7- North Mammon

“How, um, how are you?”

Morgan looked up. “I’m doing alright kid, how ‘bout you?”

“I, uh, I was a little. Well, er, without-”

“You’re weirded out by our first case without Elle.” Reid nodded. “It’ll be alright. It’s going to be a little strange for a few months, but we’ll get over it.”

“I’m just worried we won’t be as good at what we do without her.”

“Why? We did cases left and right before she joined.”

“We didn’t do too well this case. The authorities probably could have done it without us and gotten the exact same result. We didn’t really do anything.”

“Reid.”

“They would’ve figured it out. Polly would’ve told them who the unsub was and they would’ve caught him. He hadn’t even tried to run. We were useless.”

“Reid.” Morgan cut him off. “We’ll do fine. We’ll catch up. This is just a little stumble, alright?” 

Reid nodded. “I guess.”

Morgan looked up at Hotch’s office- the unit chief had gone home that day, hoping to catch his wife before she went to bed. “We’ll be fine.”


	30. S2E8- Empty Planet

Gideon had fallen asleep as the card quartet became a trio. “You know,” Morgan grinned, organizing his cards, “There’s nothing quite like almost getting blown up to see how much people care about you.”

JJ scoffed. “Yeah, try it again next time, see what happens.”


	31. S2E9- The Last Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOOO EMILY

“Emily, if you don’t mind, I’m having Agent Hotchner escort you this evening,” Ambassador Prentiss didn’t so much as look at her daughter as she walked in the room. At the mention of his name and new assignment, Aaron looked up, surprised that his fairly superior position of security advisor was seemingly demoted to personal bodyguard.

The younger Prentiss rolled her eyes. “Really, mother? You don’t think I’ve learned to handle myself at one of your parties by now?”

This made Elizabeth turn towards the college student. “No. I don’t.” She looked away again, swept off as she made plans for that night. “Don’t worry, it’s only for one evening. You’re returning to Brown tomorrow morning, aren’t you?”

“Yale, yes,” Emily corrected. She looked her new bodyguard up and down. “Agent Hotchner, I presume?” she asked in a voice that mocked FBI agents’ stiff tones in TV shows.

Aaron bowed slightly, unsure of how to adjust to his new role. “Yes, ma’am.” He winced internally.

Emily scoffed, unimpressed. “Impressive. Come on.” She spared him a second glance as she climbed the winding stairs, looking over the ornately decorated staircase. “Try not to trip.”

-

Emily could feel herself shrivel at the awkwardness. The tension was palpable in the room- no one really knew what to say.

“How are your parents?” Agent Hotchner offered.

_Does he really not remember? _she thought. “Um good. Yeah,” she faded out.__

__“Excellent,” he smiled, nodding slowly. She could almost feel herself melting into the floor from embarrassment._ _

__-_ _

__Aaron looked around the Ambassador’s daughter’s room. “Wow,” he breathed, unable to contain herself. The room was large- the largest bedroom he’d seen. Then again, despite being in her constant presence, he’d never been in Ambassador Prentiss’s bedroom. He was almost certain she slept in her office._ _

__Emily spared him a glance before continuing to rifle through her suitcase. “You like it?” She dug out a wrinkled, yet beautiful, dress and threw it on the bed. “We can trade.”_ _

__Aaron stifled a laugh, looking around. “Something tells me you wouldn’t quite be satisfied with the quality of my bedroom,” he said, thinking of the shoddy apartment he’d barely been able to afford. Realizing the overtly sexual implications of the accidental innuendo, he ducked his head._ _

__She decided to ignore the obvious sexual joke, but she saved the teasing for later. “As long as it’s far away from my mother, I’ll be glad.”_ _

__“Oh?” he inquired._ _

__Emily gave him a pointed look. “Are you really surprised? Come on, you’ve met my mother.”_ _

__“Huh. I sure have.”_ _

__Emily paused, “I’m sorry. I haven’t been fair to you.” She shook her head, though what she was disappointed in- her mother or herself- he had no idea. “When I’m around my mother I just can’t help but act like a spoiled little bratty teenager again. I only have to deal with her for 24 hours. You’ve been here how long?”_ _

__“Three weeks.”_ _

__She gave him a pitying look. “Poor thing.”_ _

__“She’s really not that bad,” he assured, lying through his teeth._ _

__“You’re lying through your teeth aren’t you?”_ _

__-_ _

__Emily stood in his office, bewildered. She had certainly gotten used to hearing ‘no’ since she left her mother’s omnipotent wing, but she hadn’t expected her welcome to go so poorly. She listened as the unit chief spoke quietly to Agent GIdeon about the nature of her arrival. Looking back, all of a sudden she felt guilty about lying to him._ _

__-_ _

__“Emily! You finally made it down!” Elizabeth grabbed at her daughter’s free arm and tore her down the stairs, dragging poor Aaron, who’d had his own arm intertwined dutifully with the younger Prentiss’s, along behind them. “You are late,” she hissed into her ear. “We have some very esteemed colleagues for you to meet. Shaking hands with them certainly won’t hurt your future political career.”_ _

__“Sorry, mother. Aaron was taking so long to get his clothes straightened up; you know how these FBI agents are about their suits.”_ _

__“Oh I’m sure,” her mother muttered, unphased by the lie before Aaron could object. “Ah! Mr. and Mrs. Wayworth! Might I introduce you to my daughter, Emily?”_ _

__Elizabeth then introduced the two youngest attendees of the formal to perhaps the two oldest. Aaron stood in a state of shock as the formerly obstinate Emily eloquently manipulated her way into the Wayworth’s good favor. As Emily and Elizabeth easily exchanged pleasantries, Aaron shot Emily a look after recovering. “What?” she whispered. “It’s not like she was gonna believe me anyways.”_ _

__Aaron struggled to hide his smile as he attempted to scold the woman on his arm. “You’re not the one who has to stay here for two more weeks, remember?”_ _

__Emily tugged his arm, pulling them away from the crowd and towards the open bar. “Oh, don’t worry. I don’t forget.”_ _

__He rolled his eyes as she ordered them drinks. “If we keep this up,” he said, nodding to the particularly strong drinks set down before them, “I just might.”_ _

__-_ _

__Emily got a notification announcing the BAU’s return to Quanitco. Without hesitation she got in her car to meet them, hopefully arriving before they left for home. On the way she struggled to think about how she would convince Agent Hotchner that she was indeed worthy of the position. She glanced at the stack of case files in the passenger seat._ _

__-_ _

__“This is not how I expected this night would go,” Aaron admitted, staring up at the stars from the roof of the house. “You know how dangerous this is, right?”_ _

__“Please,” Emily said. “I’m not sure I trust you as an FBI agent if you think _this is dangerous.”__ _

___“Not for me! For you! I’m supposed to be your escort this evening, ensuring your safety!”_ _ _

___“Hey. I’m on the premises. I’m not high. I’m not having sex with some important politician’s son. I think you’re doing wonderfully.”_ _ _

___“Oh am I?” Aaron snorted, his speech slurred slightly from their rather liberal ingestion of strong liquor._ _ _

___Emily propped herself up on her elbows and leaned over the exhausted, yet thoroughly amused, agent. “Yes,” she affirmed before gently kissing him. When she pulled away the taste of vodka lingered on his lips, causing his lips to quirk. He could either condemn her for kissing him, which he very much _did not _want to do, or pull her in for a another kiss. His mind muddled with the alcohol, he decided to remain indecisive and merely continued to lay on his back.___ _ _

_____“Yes I’d say you’re going quite well,” she said, taking back her place leaning on her back beside him. She snorted. “I used to get in all sorts of trouble.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Is that what you usually do when there’s not someone to look after you?” he teased._ _ _ _ _

_____Emily laughed. “No, not really. Not anymore.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Not anymore? What did you used to do?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Hmm… Hang on, I’m trying to think about a topic that would make you just as uncomfortable as you’re making me feel right now.” She rolled on her side and for some reason he felt slightly uncomfortable under her oddly scrutinizing gaze._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, come on,” he argued, “You brought it up!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh! I know!,” her eyes lit up with fake enthusiasm. “Why don’t you tell me about your wife!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Aaron looked down in shock. “What? I’m not wearing my ring! How did you know I was married?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Emily propped her head in her hand. “There’s a discoloration where you took your ring off. But it’s kinda faded. I’d say you’re having a bit of a rough patch since you seem too young and too stubborn to get divorced so early.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Aaron was momentarily speechless. “Wow,” he breathed at last._ _ _ _ _

_____She gave him a smirk, clearly satisfied by his confirmation. “Well?” she asked needlessly, “How did I do?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Aaron sighed. “You know, you’d make a great FBI agent,” he teased. “But alright, it seems as though you’ve earned it. What do you want to know?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Emily rolled back and laughed. “Everything!” she shouted into the sky. “I want to know everything about you, Aaron Hotchner!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Aaron looked at the woman lying next to him, her eyes closed yet her face expectant. “Well alright,” he said, all too happily defeated. “Where to begin…”_ _ _ _ _

_____-_ _ _ _ _

_____Hotch watched Prentiss leave, surprised at the determination he’d seen. Yet looking back and remembering the time he spent with her mother, he realized where she’d gotten it from. He sat at his desk and twisted his wedding band around his finger. He was glad she hadn’t mentioned the day they’d first met, but he didn’t look forward to discussing it in the future._ _ _ _ _

_____He sighed and opened up the I-88 case file, thinking of her analysis. Satisfied, he opened the file on Agent Prentiss. _She would be coming from a desk job, so it might take her a while to adjust _, he thought. He found himself staring where she sat waiting for him. How long had she sat there? Minutes? Hours? Had she really wait days?___ _ _ _ _

_______Was he really surprised?_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______-_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How’re you feeling?” she asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Aaron had found her packing her bag in her room. He rubbed his temples. “I have a hangover, my voice is sore, my nicest suit is completely dirty, and I blame you entirely.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Me?” she feigned shock at the accusation. “Why, you were the one who was supposed to be protecting the fragile daughter of a poor ambassador from harm! Whatever could I have done?” He smiled, face dreary from the lack of sleep. “Hmm. Good work, but my mother will sense the hangover.” She leaned in. “Trust me on this one.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He nodded respectfully. “I think I’ll definitely take your advice, though after last night I’m not sure why.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You’re a brave man, Hotchner. Escort me downstairs?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______She refused to let him carry her bag, insisting it would be testing his migraine too much. “It doesn’t count as hair from the dog if you deprive me the simple pleasures of making my mother watch me do ‘physical labor’.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How else am I supposed to get back at you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______She flashed him a smile before turning to her mother and exchanging beyond formal goodbye’s. The Ambassador nodded curtly to Aaron, requesting his presence as soon as he was done seeing her daughter out, before walking upstairs to her office. Emily elbowed him as he took a deep breath, anticipating whatever unrealistic expectation that had been failed that night. “Good luck with that,” Emily whispered as they walked out the door._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It’s been a pleasure, Agent Hotchner,” Emily said as he opened the door to her car, extending her hand. He firmly clasped it with both hands and did an over dramatic rendition of the overtly proper bow he’d given her just the day before._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“And so it has,” Aaron mirrored her smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______As he watched her drive off, he found that she had slipped two Advil into his hand. Smiling to himself, he wondered if he’d ever have the pleasure of seeing her again._ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i love her so much wow


	32. S2E10- Lessons Learned

“What’d you think of her?” Hotch asked the next morning, joining Gideon in his office for coffee.

“Smart, quick thinking. She’s very curious, which is to be expected from someone entering the field who worked a desk job,” Gideon replied.

“The pressure? How’d she take it?”

Gideon shrugged. “Better than I would’ve expected from someone whose first field case involved a terrorist attack.” 

“Hmm,” Hotch seemed to ponder as he gazed out into the bullpen, waiting for their newest recruit to arrive. 

“What’s going on, Aaron? You don’t usually pay this much attention to new recruits. At least you don’t usually ask for my opinion.”

Hotch shook his head and collapsed into a chair. “I don’t know.” He ran his hand through his hair and took a sip from his mug. “I’m just worried her parents pulled some strings to get her in here.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t know, it could be nothing. I just have the unshakable feeling that she was placed here. Though for what purpose, I don’t know.”

Gideon nodded. “Trust your intuition, Aaron,” he advised. “But be aware. As much of a risk as she could be, you’d be doubling it by not trusting her.”

“And do you? Trust her?”

Gideon and Hotch watched as the woman in question settled into her desk, flashing smiles at anyone she passed. “I don’t think I have much of a choice.”


	33. S2E11- Sex, Birth, and Death

“Thank you,” Nathan’s mother said. “Thank you for being here. I know he would appreciate it.” 

Reid nodded, but didn’t say anything. He watched the floor while the impatient doctor paced around the room. 

“I’m going to go get some coffee, do you want any?” she finally asked. 

He could tell she just wanted to do something, but thought caffeine was the last thing she needed. “I’m good, thank you, though.” His smile came out a grimace as he struggled to hide his worry.

She nodded. “Okay. Okay, I’ll be right back.” She paused at the hallway, turning back to the doors where her son was undergoing surgery, before continuing/

Reid cradled his head in his hands, trying to calm his breathing. It wasn’t your fault, he thought desperately. Yet the echoes of Nathan’s words in the church wouldn’t leave him. He simultaneously thought of the statistics involving attempted suicides.

“Hey,” a voice interrupted his thoughts. 

Reid looked up, surprised to see their newest agent tentatively stepping forward. “Prentiss,” he said, shock undeniably palpable. “What are you doing here?”

“Emily, please,” she requested. She motioned to the seat next to him and he nodded absently. “I just figured you’d be here.” 

“Yep,” he confirmed unnecessarily. “Here I am.”

Emily laughed nervously, bringing a hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here. I don’t even really know you all that well. I just…”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just thought it wasn’t right for you to be alone. That’s why you’re here, right? So Nathan wouldn’t be alone?” 

Reid nodded. They sat in silence for a moment that lasted an eternity. 

“Thank you,” he breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which emily has already begun team Bonding


	34. S2E12- Profiler Profiled

“Hotch?” 

Aaron looked up to find Morgan standing at the doorway to his office. “Come in.”

Morgan stood behind the chair in front of the desk, his head down. “Look, all I wanted to say-” he cut himself off, sighing. “Thank you. You had my back over there.”

“Of course,” Hotch curtly replied. 

“I was giving you shit for doing your job. For helping me. I’m sorry.”

“I completely understand,” Hotch assured. “We all have our secrets.”

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which hotch and morgan subconsciously bond over their childhood abuse


	35. S2E13- No Way Out

Emily walked down the aisle of the airplane. She paused at her seat across from Reid. She faintly smiled down at the genius who seemed to be sleeping relatively peacefully. In fact, as she looked around, everyone appeared to be sleeping. Except for…

She took a deep breath. “Are you alright?”

Hotch looked up from his files. “What?”

Emily cleared her throat, hoping to make amends for their shaky start. “You said you thought you’d seen everything. You seemed shaken up. Still seem, I mean.”

He waved her to sit across from him, interrupting her before she could continue to embarrass herself with her babbling. “I’m alright, I think. Sometimes it’s just easy to forget how truly evil people can be.”

“It’s better than forgetting they can be good,” she offered. He stared at her. “Sorry.”

“Not at all,” he said. “I- uh- I needed that.”

Emily couldn’t contain her smile.


	36. S2E14- The Big Game

_This is all your fault. ___


	37. S2E15- Revelations

Hotch and Gideon sat across from each other in the unit chief’s office over a bottle of scotch. 

“This case was a mess,” Hotch groaned, draining the contents of his cup.

“I’ll say,” Gideon agreed, holding up his glass in a distant cheers. “We did everything we could’ve done.”

Hotch considered for a moment, his buzz heightening his senses. “What I don’t get was the videos. Why did it matter who saw them?” 

Gideon stiffened. “I had to stop them. It wasn’t right for people to see them.”

Hotch waved his hand, “I know that, I’m talking about Tobias-”

“I did what I had to do. I couldn’t have known what would have happened to Reid. Even if I had, I would have still done it! People can’t just go spreading that around!” Gideon began getting red in the face, desperate to shift the blame. _You did what you had to do _, he told himself.__

__“Jason, I’m not saying it was your fault, I’m just-” Hotch paused for a moment, assessing what his colleague had just said. “Jason… you shut the video feed down? That’s why Hankle nearly killed Reid?”_ _

__“If you hadn’t sent him to the house, he never would have been Tobias in the first place.”_ _

__“Jason, how could you? You did that without consulting us, without assessing the profile.”_ _

__“He blamed you!” Gideon roared._ _

__Hotch fell back. “What?” he stammered._ _

__“You heard him. Out of all of us he said he wanted you dead. Did you think none of us could have figured it out? Did you think you were the only one Reid would have been able to get a message to? Maybe you’re just as narcissistic as Reid claimed!” Gideon rose as he spoke, finally storming towards the door at the climax of his barrade._ _

__“You haven’t done him any favors since he got here. You admitted so yourself, Aaron. Just take responsibility!”_ _

__Hotch leaned back in his chair, defeated, as Gideon left. He cradled his head in his hands, trying to cry, yet tears wouldn’t come. After several minutes of the sobbing equivalent of dry heaving, Hotch attempted to collect himself, gathering the glasses and putting them in his desk drawer._ _

__“Hey.” Hotch looked up at the new voice, surprised to find Emily Prentiss, of all people, standing at his door with a bottle of vodka in her hand. “Company?”_ _

__Yet Hotch, intent as he was on becoming swallowed in isolation and despair that night, found he couldn’t outright refuse. “I prefer scotch,” he muttered._ _

__Emily stepped forward, lowering herself into the chair that Gideon had left not too long before. “Got any glasses?”_ _

__“Do we really need them?”_ _


	38. S2E16- Fear and Loathing

“You called for me?” Morgan leaned on the doorframe. 

“Yes, please come in.” Hotch motioned for the younger agent to sit across from him. “We didn’t get any time to talk after the shooting. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I mean I’m not,” Morgan elaborated, “but I will be.”

“The shooting… it must have reminded you of-”

“Of my father. Yeah.” 

“And you’re okay?” 

Morgan waved his hands. “Yeah, yeah, it’s all good. I got to talk to Emily about it at the funeral, so I’m a little tuckered out. But thank you for checking up.”

_Emily? She certainly is adjusting _, he thought with a worrying sense of fondness, simultaneously thinking about what he and JJ had confronted the new agent about on the Hankle case. “I’m here if you need me.”__

__Morgan smiled, flashing his pearly teeth. “I know, Hotch. I know.”_ _


	39. S2E17- Distress

“JJ lemme see one more of those cookies before you walk off with all of them,” Emily asked, though it was clear it was a command more than a request.

JJ laughed. “Emily, you’re a cookie eating machine. You know this is the third batch they’ve made for us.”

“And?”

“And it’s the third batch you’ve _eaten _.”__

__“Would you rather it go to waste?”_ _

__“You know what?” JJ surrendered. “Take them.”_ _

__“Aw, really? You’re the best!”_ _


	40. S2E18- Jones

“Rum?” Hotch asked incredulously. 

“You use it to make hurricanes. It’s New Orleans themed!” Emily defended, sauntering in the room and grinning wildly while Hotch brought out the glasses. 

“Prentiss, I have no doubt you’re the start of many, many, many, bad habits for me.” He poured them both drinks. He looked up, concerned, at the agent who slowly brought the drink to her lips. What should have gone over as a light-hearted joke seemed to have settled poorly. “I didn’t mean anything by it,” he assured. “This job makes alcoholics of us all.” 

At last her smile returned, comforting him. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been feeling a little strange lately.” He quirked an eyebrow. “It’s nothing. Just getting adjusted.”

“Please, you made yourself at home two weeks before you even got the job.” Hotch found it easy to make her smile. “Is it Reid?” he added seriously.

“No!” Emily rushed. “No, he’s fine. I just haven’t been myself lately.”

“ _Reid _hasn’t been himself lately.”__

__Emily wasn’t entirely comfortable talking about a fellow agent who wasn’t present, but she had to admit she was soothed by his assurances. “Really?”_ _

__Hotch shook his head. “He had a rough go with Hankle. I wouldn’t be as worried about him, but as far as I know he won’t talk to anyone about it.”_ _

__Emily nodded, suddenly calculating her reactions cautiously. “I see. Not even Gideon?”_ _

__“Gideon won’t talk to me about it.”_ _

__“Oh.” She couldn’t help but be surprised. The two agents seemed to close._ _

__Hotch cleared his throat. “What about you?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink._ _

__“Me?”_ _

__“I never really got to finish interrogating you. How come you don’t seem affected by any of this.”_ _

__“Any of what?” She clearly read his reply in his expression. _Don’t play dumb _. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve always had a strong stomach. Helped me pick the job, I guess.”___ _

____“I’ve seen people with years of experience vomit at the sight of things you don’t blink twice at. Why is that?”_ _ _ _

____“Hang on, I’m trying to think about a topic that would make you just as uncomfortable as you’re making me feel right now. Oh! I know! How’s your wife doing, Agent Hotchner?”_ _ _ _

____“Ouch!” he played along._ _ _ _

____“I’m sure she loves you away from home nearly every day.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, yes. It’s her favorite.” Hotch smiled as he suddenly got a vision of 22 year old, college student attending Yale, daughter of esteemed ambassador, Emily Prentiss. Compared to the woman in front of her, he noticed that, while the curious light in her eyes was still here, her face was hollow with suffering and misery._ _ _ _

____What happened?_ _ _ _


	41. S2E19- Ashes and Dust

“Hotch, your dad didn’t die of lung cancer.”

The unit chief looked at Emily, her scotch all but forgotten in her hands as she analyzed him through somewhat hazy eyes. “What?” he asked. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t also a little tipsy.

“He didn’t die of a heart attack either.”

“Prentiss,” he warned. Gideon always said he couldn’t ever speak right after only a bottle, but he managed to add some ice to the slurred speech.

“You told me he died in a mental hospital,” she pressed.

“Well he should have,” Hotch snapped. Emily raised her eyebrows. Hotch sighed internally, realizing there was no way she’d ever leave it alone now. He ran his hand through his hair. “Who’ve you talked to?”

Emily leaned in, putting her elbows on the table. “Just Sean. Only briefly, to ask how his father died,” she added, her dulled senses still anticipating Hotch’s aggression.

He relaxed slightly. “Emily,” he trailed. “I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, you have to respect that.”

Emily frowned. “Did he hurt you, Aaron?”

“Please, Emily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which hotch doesnt wanna talk about his abusive childhood


	42. S2E20- Honor Among Thieves

“Hey!” Emily walked into Hotch’s office, a sly grin plastered on her face. She waved her hand as Hotch started to take the scotch out of the bottom drawer. “No, no. I have plans tonight.”

“Plans?” Hotch questioned.

Emily smiled and, for a moment, looked like the five year old girl he remembered looking at in pictures in the ambassador’s office. “I’m going to dinner with my mother.”


	43. S2E21- Open Season

“Thank you, sir,” JJ was about to leave Hotch’s office with a stack of files from the most recent case. 

“JJ,” Hotch called. “Wait a second.”

The woman paused, unsure of what would keep her there. Surely not any trouble. “Are you alright?” JJ let out a bark of laughter. “What?”

She shook her head. “Nothing, just… It seems like that’s the only question we ever ask one another these days.”

“Well, are you?” he prodded. “I heard from the officer that informing the dead man’s father was rough.”

“I’m fine, Hotch. I’ve had to do that many times.”

“But it’s not everyday you have to prepare someone to deliver the news. And watch both of them stumble through the process of grief.”

JJ sighed. “It certainly isn’t. And I’m glad for it. But I’m okay.”

“And the Hankle case? You’re still doing alright?” Hotch continued.

“I’m coping,” JJ attempted to evade the question. 

“Reid wasn’t doing too well. He still isn’t,” Hotch confided.

“Yeah, it was rough.” JJ shuddered. “You know, I still can’t see large dogs without thinking of it.” Hotch waited for her to continue. “Everyday I ask. I ask what would have happened had I insisted we stay together. Would have it been me instead of Reid? Would we have been able to take him together? Or would he have killed us both, too scared to confront two agents?” Her eyes began to water.

“The trail of ‘what if’s’ is a long, winding road, JJ. We’ll never reach the end without losing ourselves. Don’t let the past take hold of you. If you dwell on mistakes you’ll never have a chance to fix them.” 

JJ fought back tears. “Thank you.”

Hotch nodded to the door. “Go home. Get some rest.”

As JJ left Hotch’s office she almost ran into someone. “Emily!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing with that bottle of liquor? Please tell me you’re not drinking that by yourself.”

Emily grinned. “Not at all, JJ. Not at all.”

JJ stood frozen in shock as she watched Emily waltz into Hotch’s office.


	44. S2E22- Legacy

Morgan gave JJ an amused smirk at Gideon’s chuckles. “This guy,” he mouthed, “is insane.”

“Gideon or Chaplin?” 

Morgan shrugged and Garcia waved another twizzler in his face, distracting him from their silent conversation. “Eat up, big boy!” she whispered, her voice shaking with laughter.

“Hey, we’re out of popcorn!” JJ complained, pushing the empty bowl towards the middle of the desk.”

“Maybe if you stopped throwing it at Reid we wouldn’t be,” Emily snorted. Reid looked back and nodded solemnly, yet his eyes revealed the mirth. “I’ll get us more,” she offered.

She stood up and walked around the back of the table, headed for the door. She stopped behind Hotch and put a hand on his shoulder. “This is much better than scotch,” she whispered. 

Hotch smiled.


	45. S2E23- No Way Out Pt. 2: The Evilution of Frank

As soon as he saw her raven hair he reached for their glasses and was surprised when he straightened and was met with a strained smile paired with completed paperwork. “Sir,” Emily acknowledged, bowing her head respectfully before heading to the door.

“No scotch?” he asked, bewildered.

“Not today,” she grimaced. “I’m not feeling well.”

The lie came like a slap to the face. “Look me in the eye.”

She nearly flinched at the harshness of the command. With great difficulty she met his dark, scrutinizing eyes and attempted to smile brightly. “I’m fine,” she said with a painfully optimistic voice.

“Prentiss, is there something wrong?”

He watched the smile dissolve from her face, the faded mask revealing a conflicted veteran. He’d never seen her look so burdened. “I’m fine,” she repeated, her voice as hollow as her gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which hotch is now very alone and very sad


	46. S3E1- Doubt

“Aaron?” Gideon stormed into Hotch’s office. “What did you do?”

“What do you mean?” Hotch asked, completely aware of what he meant.

“How could Strauss only take this out on you? It was my decision! I should be the one who’s suspended!” Gideon roared, pacing in the tiny room.

“I took responsibility for the effects of that choice.” Hotch continued at Gideon’s furious look. “As a unit chief it’s my duty to assume the consequences of major decisions that may have impacted the outcome of the case.”

“Aaron…” Gideon began, though it was clear he had no response. Frustrated, Gideon abandoned Hotch in his office. Hotch’s eyes followed his old mentor as he returned to his own office and, as he turned to collect his things, his eyes landed on Prentiss, who was looking up at him. Before he could even register the connection she broke eye contact.

Aaron Hotchner stood in his cold, dark office feeling, not for the first time in his life, completely alone.


	47. S3E2- In Name and Blood

For the second time that day someone knocked on her door unexpectedly. For the second time that day she opened the door to find Aaron Hotchner.

“Sir?” she asked, noting his red eyes.

“Can I come in?”

She stepped to the side and allowed him to walk through her apartment once more. He stood at the edge of the room, gazing out into the city at night.

“My father was an abusive drunkard.”

Emily’s eyes widened as she looked at Hotch. “What?”

Hotch’s gaze fell to his hands. “My father would come back after work- sometimes straight from the office, sometimes from the bar, but he would be drunk either way- and storm into the house in a rage. He’d throw furniture, throw plates, throw my mom, throw me, throw plates at me, throw furniture at my mom, you name it.”

“Hotch,” Emily walked towards him and reached for his arm.

He turned to face her, twisting his arm away with the movement, yet continued to stare downwards. “Sometimes it wasn’t so bad. Sometimes he would just pass out on the sofa with a game on and we could go to bed. But I still never slept. Luckily he didn’t pay too much attention to me. He even had the look of a loving husband, if you squinted hard enough: he’d constantly press himself up against my mother. It wasn’t until a lot later when I realized she must’ve been getting the brunt of the blow. Then, when I was about eight, my mom started with the drugs.”

“Aaron,” she implored, this time grabbing his hand. He didn’t pull away.

“She was a pharmacist, you see. She had access to all kinds of stuff. At first it wasn’t so bad. She’d just take a little something afterwards to make the pain go away, maybe a bit of something else to make the memories go away. The memories were the hardest for her. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for her to become addicted.”

He allowed Emily to sit him on the sofa, where she sat beside him, grasping onto his hand firmly with both of hers, rubbing her thumbs into the grooves of his knuckles.

“She managed to stay clean when she was carrying Sean. Partly because of the baby, partly because I’d steal away her medication. But the beatings only got worse after Sean was born. I managed to take up most of his attention, but sometimes he got through and went after my mom. He barely seemed to notice Sean at first, but when he got older, a little more curious, he began to draw his attention more and more. That’s when I first started standing up to him.” Hotch shook his head, smiling as if he were remembering some grand old adventure where a dad would take his son to play baseball or go fishing or something. “I was just a little kid. I grew, thankfully, as I got older, but I was just a skinny little strap when I was fifteen.”

_Fifteen _, Prentiss mouthed. “Aaron, you don’t have to do this.”__

__“My dad was a big man, especially for a lawyer. Especially looking up as a 5’5” kid staring up at a guy pushing 6’6”. He’d toss me around easily. Broke more than a few bones. I guess that’s how I learned to patch up cuts so nicely. For the most part I kept him away from Sean, but not without a cost." Emily noticed his eyes were watering. "I can't even remember how many times I was in the hospital. There were at least twice as many times when I should've been in the hospital, but couldn't go. But our father never touched my brother.”_ _

__He paused for a moment, recomposing himself. Emily could tell his breathing had become coarse and ragged, as much as he tried to hide it. “It turned into something beyond drunkenness. Looking back, he was never the most mentally stable person. A few years after the fact I found out his boss had finally fired him that day- his stressor, as we would call it- but I didn’t know what was going on when I woke up at two in the morning with my dad pouring gasoline in the house and lighting a match.”_ _

__Hotch put his other hand on top of Emily’s, all but crushing them in his firm grip. Globs of water threatened to pour from his eyes._ _

__“I got Sean out first. By the time I got him out the entire house was engulfed in flames. I told him to sit on the swing and wait there. He was too tired and too scared to argue. I ran back inside, planning to go upstairs and take out my mother. That’s when… that’s when the roof started creaking. I knew it wouldn’t hold long enough to save her. I was about to run outside when I heard my father moaning, ‘Sean.’ He kept calling. ‘Sean! Where’s my son? Tell him I never meant to hurt him!’”_ _

__He paused. Emily squeezed his hands. “I could’ve grabbed my father. I could’ve carried him out of there in time before the second floor collapsed. But I didn’t.” Hotch closed his eyes. “I don’t want you to think I ran because I was scared. I wasn’t. I had enough time to get him out. But I knew if I saved him, I would never be free of him. I wanted him to die. I wanted him to die long before the fire._ _

__“When the house collapsed I ran inside, pouring through the flaming rubble looking for her. Smoke was everywhere, pouring into my lungs. Finally I found her, laying on the remnants of her bed. She hadn’t even tried to save herself. She was badly burned. I had to drag her out. By then I noticed the sirens._ _

__“She didn’t make it. She was in the hospital for two days before she finally passed.” Hotch paused. “I think she wanted it that way. She was never happy anymore. Even Sean couldn’t get her to smile in the months leading up to it.”_ _

__Emily delicately pressed a hand to his cheek. He leaned into her touch. “I took us to my aunt’s house. But I left. I left them. I had been accepted into Washington University. I had to leave. I visited frequently at first, making sure Sean was getting settled into his school. I worked a job as a mechanic, then as a paid intern for a law office to send money to my aunt.” His eyes fluttered open. “And the rest you know.”_ _

__Emily nodded, the profiler in her noting with interest how, despite his clear emotional reaction, he hadn’t cried. “I’m so sorry, Aaron.”_ _

__“I’ve never told anyone this before. Not Haley. Certainly not Sean. Not even Gideon knows this.” A soft bark of laughter. “I’d like to think so, anyway.”_ _

__She shook her head. “No, he doesn’t know.”_ _

__“How would you know?”_ _

__Emily pursed her lips. “I know.” She returned both her hands to his own, rubbing them gently, feeling the harsh callouses and the coarse hair. “Why me?” she asked, “Why now?”_ _

__Hotch’s face returned to its standard steely demeanor. “Because I need you to know that I trust you. The team trusts you.”_ _

__She scoffed, bewildered. “There are better ways to do that than this.”_ _

__He raised an eyebrow in a halfhearted attempt to match her own try for tired humor. They were both emotionally exhausted. He glanced past her out the window and saw the city below them._ _

__“Would you have believed me?”_ _

__Emily huffed. “Hotch. Why are you here?” she asked, sensing something beyond the story of his troubled past._ _

__“You mean I can’t come over here in the wee hours of night whenever I need to talk about traumatic events?” Hotch attempted a smile ruefully, but it faded before Emily even had the chance to berate him for it. “Haley’s cheating on me.”_ _

__“Oh, Hotch.”_ _

__“I realize that’s not an explanation,” Hotch admitted, his eyes returning to their hands. “Truthfully I’m not sure why I came here.”_ _

__Emily squeezed his hands tightly before letting go, standing up and rustling through the kitchen cabinets and scuttling upstairs. Hotch waited patiently, embarrassed by his own foolishness._ _

__He jumped slightly as a blanket and pillow was tossed onto the sofa. He looked up at the reinstated agent. She grinned as she held a bottle of liquor and two glasses in her hands. “I think I know why,” she offered._ _


	48. S3E3- Scared to Death

Morgan collapsed into his desk chair, allowing his momentum to send him slowly across the room until he hit Reid’s desk. Emily snorted.

“You alright?” Reid asked.

“Reid, you’re not allowed to ask that anymore.”

“What? Why?”

“You know why.” Morgan crossed his arms over the desk and buried his head in them, making it quite clear that he wasn’t interested in any more conversation.

“You know,” Reid turned to Prentiss, “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About Gideon?”

“Oh?” Emily asked, looking up from the ominous pile of unfinished paperwork on her desk.

“I know it’s selfish of me but, even after understanding why Gideon left, I can’t help but feel like he abandoned me just like my father.” Reid paused and took the letter out of his pocket, the paper crinkled from use. Prentiss stood up and slowly maneuvered around the desks until she was across from Reid. “He had his reasons, other wise he wouldn’t have left, but I still wish he hadn’t. It doesn’t seem fair for him to just leave, you know?”

“Gideon or your dad?”

“I don’t even know.”

Prentiss stepped closer and gently took the papers out of his hand. She flattened the wrinkles out. “Gideon loved you, Spencer. As a profiler, even a conflicted one, he knew what you would think when he left. Hell, he probably even knew that when you were stubbornly trying to keep all of this to yourself that one of us would help you.” Prentiss held his eyes. “He needed to find himself, Spencer. With this job, he knew more than anyone how easy it is to lose parts of yourself you never even knew you had. But that has nothing to do with the way he feels about you.”

Reid broke eye contact and nodded, watching as his colleague delicately folded the papers along the crease and placed it on the table next to him.

Prentiss smiled and began walking back to her desk. “And if you really miss it, I’ll start playing chess with you on the weekends.”

Reid mirrored her smile. “I’d like that.”

She turned around. “I can’t pretend like I know exactly what was going through his head when Gideon wrote this letter. But he wrote it to you for a reason.” She finally sat back down and began confronting the mass of wasted trees.

Reid looked down at the letter, his eyes watering. But, his gaze drifting to Morgan who had fallen asleep leaning on his desk, he felt warmth instead of the painful cold he had been feeling for weeks now.

“Thank you, Emily.”


	49. S3E4- Children of the Dark

“Alright, alright, already, what’s the big surprise?” Emily asked, stumbling blindly forward into the bullpen, led by Morgan while JJ covered her eyes.

“It’s not a surprise if you already know what it is!” Garcia said. “Alright! Open!”

“Oh my God,” Emily gasped, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light. “Garcia, what is this?”

In front of her was a basket full of kittens, their mother sleeping underneath them. “One of my friend’s cat’s just had a litter of kits and she let me bring them to work.”

Emily reached for them, caressing them gently. “Aww, Garcia, they’re so cute! But why the surprise?”

“Because you get to keep one of them,” Morgan explained, laughing as Emily gasped.

“We already got you all the supplies: litter box, toys, bed.” JJ said. “Hotch went to the leasing office at your apartments and paid the pet fee for the next three months.”

“Pick one!” Garcia urged.

Emily scooped up the black one, allowing it to climb over her arms. “Aw you guys! This is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me!”

The others had knelt down and began petting the kittens as well. “You like that one?” Morgan asked.

“What are you gonna name him?” JJ asked, paying extra attention to the white cat that had stumbled out of the basket into her lap.

“Hmm… I think I’ll name him later,” she said. The others continued to obsess over the rest of the kittens. Emily stood up, cradling the kitten, and looked up to Hotch’s office, where he stood gazing at them through the windows, a faint smile touching his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmaooo turns out she gets her cat sometime in late season 5 but WHO CARES fuck it i like this


	50. S3E5- Seven Seconds

“Get the door, will you, sweetie?”

Paul opened the door to find two FBI agents. “Hi, Mr. Jacobs?”

“Is everything alright?” Paul asked, his knuckles tightening around the door.

“Yes, everything’s fine,” the first one confirmed.

“I’m Aaron Hotchner and this is Emily Prentiss. I’m not sure if you remember-“

“No, I remember you,” Paul interrupted. “You found Katie.”

Agent Prentiss smiled and nodded. “We just wanted to check up on you. It’s been a couple months since the incident and we just wanted to make sure that everything was okay.”

“Yes, everything’s fine. Please, come in.” He stepped aside and allowed the two agents to enter the house.

“Honey? Who’s at the door?”

“It’s those BAU agents, Beth! We’re coming in.”

Beth Jacobs met them as they walked into the living room. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine, sweetie. They just came to check in.”

“Oh that’s nice,” Beth smiled. The profilers noticed her eyes were tired, though beaming. “Can I get you anything?”

Before either of the agents could respond Jeremy bolted through the living room wielding a small bright pink backpack. “That’s mine!” Katie shrieked, running after him and giggling.

“Sorry about them,” Beth said as the children ran upstairs. “They’re always rowdy before school. Don’t ask me why.”

Agent Hotchner smiled. “It’s quite alright. Did you take in your nephew?”

“Yes,” Beth said. “We figured it was the right thing to do. No reason to send him off when he’s happy right here.”

“Please,” Paul said, “sit. I’ll go get us some coffees.”

“How’s Katie?” Agent Prentiss asked.

“She’s better. Much better.” Beth looked down. “We knew something was wrong. She was always such an outgoing kid until she began locking herself in her room. Now she seems like her normal self again. If it hadn’t been for you, I can’t imagine how she would be doing.”

Both agents nodded solemnly. They could faintly hear Paul sending the kids off to the bus stop in the next room. Paul soon returned, four coffee mugs in hand. The agents thanked him and delicately cradled the steaming cups. “We never really got to thank you for saving her. Saving us.”

Agent Prentiss turned to look out the window where they could see Jeremy and Katie walking to the bus stop. “This is all the thanks we need.”

Beth smiled. “I’m glad you two came back. You got to see our family together and happy.”

Agent Hotchner gently elbowed his colleague before continuing. “How are you all adjusting?”

Paul sighed. “Well the children are fine. Jeremy’s stopped acting out. He even has a girlfriend now, which still amazes me. And Katie… Katie’s been wonderful. She really bounced back.”

“Do you ever visit Jeremy’s parents?” Agent Hotchner inquired, his voice gentle.

“We’ve taken him once, so far. It’s not likely we’re going to see them that much in the future, which Jeremy seems more than fine with. He doesn’t talk about them much,” Paul admitted.

Agent Hotchner nodded. “And how are things with you?”

The Jacobs continued to expand on their lives, thankful for the two agents who listened diligently. After almost an hour the agents rose. “Well, I’m sorry, but we have to head back to headquarters,” Agent Hotchner said.

“Thank you so much for coming,” Beth said, stepping forward and hugging the startled agent. Prentiss received a similar hug from Paul before Beth released Hotchner and embraced the other agent. “We would have nothing if not for you,” she whispered shakily, on the verge of tears. They saw the agents out.

“Well,” Aaron said once the door was shut. “Do you feel better?”

Emily looked down and smiled, embarrassed by how right he was. “Yes. That helped.”

Aaron put a comforting hand on her shoulder as they walked to the car. “We do good work, Emily. Not everything works out the way we want, but things turn out okay. I know sometimes it’s difficult; everyone we come in contact with is hurt in some way. But we help families who would otherwise spend years in agony, obsessing over their losses. We have to find peace in that.”

Emily nodded and allowed Aaron to open her door. “You’re beginning to sound like Gideon, you know that right?”

Aaron groaned.


	51. S3E6- About Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which morgan is constantly Threatened by new authority figures. my dude. chilllll

“So,” Morgan began, “What do you think about Rossi?”

“What about him?” Emily asked.

“Just… what do you think about him?”

“I think he’s very impressive. Without even consulting us he was able to predict exactly what the unsub would do when we caught him, without even a name,” Reid piped in.

“Yeah, did he predict I’d come outta that elevator right then to?” Morgan mumbled.

“He doesn’t seem like much of a team player,” Emily added. “Like Reid said, I don’t think he listened to a word we said.”

“Hotch and Gideon said how they never used to talk with one another. They never even took cases with anyone but themselves when it first got started. Remember how long it took Gideon to start getting help from us?” Reid said.

Morgan scoffed. “Only too well.”

“It’ll just take a while for him to adjust, that’s all,” Emily said.

“Yeah maybe,” Morgan said, looking to where the man sat in his office, fingering the bracelet he’d been fondling all day. “But what’s going to happen until then?”


	52. S3E7- Identity

“What will it take?”

Morgan stood in the otherwise empty bullpen and looked at Rossi. Everyone else had gone home, save for Hotch and Prentiss, who were presumably drinking in his office. “For what?”

“What will it take to earn your trust?”

Morgan sighed. “Once you don’t have to ask, I’ll trust you.” Morgan knew the answer was vague. He pretended it was so because he wanted to be cryptic, instead of admitting to himself that he didn’t know the answer.

“I see,” Rossi said. “Well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Morgan was left alone in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still managed to throw in some prentiss and hotch drinking time in this chapter, so i'll consider this a success


	53. S3E8- Lucky

_This is all your fault. ___


	54. S3E9- Penelope

Morgan leaned on the counter across from where JJ was sitting in the break area. “How are you?”

JJ nodded, her eyes not entirely caught up with his presence- they were vacant and hollow. “I’m okay,” she said, but her voice was as abstract as her gaze.

“No you’re not,” Morgan affirmed. “You just killed a man.”

“I guess it hasn’t hit me yet.”

“You’re dissociating. But once what happened hits you, it’ll hit you hard.”

“Morgan, I don’t feel anything.” JJ’s eyes were watery and her voice was shaky. “I feel like I should feel bad but I don’t feel anything and then I feel like I should feel scared because I don’t feel anything but I still don’t feel anything and then I-“

“JJ.” Morgan firmly interrupted her spew of circular thoughts. He quickly moved from the counter the chair across the table. “I’ll be here, okay? I’ll be here when you start to feel again. Because trust me, baby, all of those emotions you think you should be feeling will come flooding in all at once. And I’ll be right here.”

JJ shook her head in quiet disbelief. “What if I don’t feel for a long time?”

Morgan leaned back in his chair, lilting it on two legs. “Then I guess I better get comfy.”


	55. S3E10- True Night

“Really?” Hotch asked. He responded to Rossi’s raised eyebrow by gesturing to his agents in the bullpen. “They’re all reading this guy’s comic books now.”

Rossi shrugged. “Are they any good?”

“Supposedly,” Hotch said, flipping through his paperwork to see if he missed anything.

“Clearly you’re used to much higher quality entertainment,” Rossi said with no small amount of sarcasm. Hotch rolled his eyes. “Come on, Aaron. Didn’t you used to read comics as a kid?”

Hotch shrugged, though the old profiler noticed his entire manner became stiff. “I didn’t do much of anything when I was a kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which hotch is uncomfortable talking ab his childhood in front of a profiler


	56. S3E11- Birthright

“Oh, come on, Prentiss,” Morgan said. “What was it? Your second day when you began questioning Hotch on shit you shouldn’t.”

Reid looked over at Hotch, who was sitting at a separate table with Rossi. The two seemed content to drink in silence, but they both looked as though something plagued their minds. “You really pissed him off that day. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so mad at someone who wasn’t an unsub.”

“Thanks, Reid,” Prentiss groaned. “That really makes me feel better.”

Morgan laughed and drank his beer. “I’m telling you: curiosity killed the cat! How is your cat by the way? What did you name it? Sergio?”

Reid began listing off the origins of the name ‘Sergio’ while Emily noticed that Rossi had left.

“Aw, shit,” she said after making her decision. She leaned over to drink the rest of Morgan’s beet before walking over to Hotch’s table with her own drink in her hands. “Hey.”

Hotch glanced up. “Hey.”

“Such an enthusiastic greeting,” Emily muttered. “You really know how to make a woman feel good.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard.”

Emily sighed. “Hotch, I’m so sorry. I always ask questions without thinking; I’m a mess! I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” he waved his hands. “It’s not your fault. Everyone was bound to know anyway. Might as well just get it over with.”

“Like a band aid,” she muttered. He nodded solemnly. “Well, hey! Here we are, again!” She attempted to lighten the mood, raising her beer. He chuckled softly and clinked their bottles.

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking occasional sips of beer. “You know,” he began,” JJ wants to be like me.”

“Oh? How’s that?”

“Cold. Emotionless. Humorless. Drill Sergeant.” Emily snorted at his self-deprecating jokes. “I’m serious, though. I tried telling her not feeling things will get her nowhere, but-“

“Hold up,” Emily interrupted. “You’re not emotionless. You feel things, Aaron, I know you do. You’re always upset there are children involved. You’re always there for arson victims. Just because you don’t always let us see when stuff gets to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. It just means you’re real stuck up about it.”

Hotch smiled at his beer. _Lucky beer _, Emily thought. “That may be true,” Hotch conceded, “but if JJ really thinks that being that way, or at least putting on that façade, would make things better for her, then I-” he broke off. He took a swig of his drink, carefully avoiding eye contact. “If she thinks ending up like me is good, then I’ve failed as her leader.”__

__Emily reached over the table and put a hand on his arm. For what seemed like the first time that night he looked at her in the eyes and held her gaze for longer than four seconds. “Aaron, you’re not a failure. And you’re not a bad person.” She lowered her voice to below a whisper. “I know that because of everything that’s happened you’re not going to believe me just yet, but you’re a good man. You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever known, yet you’ve remained kind despite everything you’ve gone through. As loathe as you are to admit it, you’re a terrific role model for everyone around you. The fact that your mere presence encourages people to aspire to be like you just goes to show what an amazing leader you are.”_ _

__Emily swallowed, hoping her rambling praise did something to boost his self-esteem without making it seem like she was gushing too much. Slightly embarrassed, but determined nonetheless, she continued, “JJ’s going through a rough patch. It happens to all of us. Her job is probably more stressful than even ours and it’s bound to take its toll. Don’t beat yourself up because she’s tired of hurting. She’s strong and she’ll get through it. We just need to let her run its course. There’s not much we can do, but you being there and letting her know that is already the best thing for her.” Satisfied that she had aptly conveyed her point, she released his arm._ _

__“When did the young Emily Prentiss become so wise?” Rossi asked as he returned._ _

__“Ah, yes. The very _young _and _youthful _and also extremely _young _Emily has sage advice for the senior agents here.” Emily scooted her stolen stool to make room as Rossi dragged a new one._______ _

________“You know what? I’m just going to leave it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The three laughed and found two new figures joining them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“We heard the party had moved over here,” Morgan said, wrapping an arm around Emily, the other still gripping Reid firmly until the boy committed to sitting down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Although the five commenced to engaging in joyous conversation that led to, by the end of the night, Morgan receiving over two dozen napkins with girl’s (as well as a few guy’s) phone numbers, Rossi doing an excellent job recanting embarrassing stories about Hotch as a junior profiler, and even Reid getting flat out wasted, Hotch’s fondest memory of the night was seeing Prentiss smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones a lil all over the place but i like it


	57. S3E12- 3rd Life

The young genius was taking a particularly long time assessing his next move when Emily decided to interrupt. “Reid?” she asked. “Is something on your mind?”

He looked up, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. The older agent waited patiently for a response, recognizing the look Reid always got when he was contemplating what to say next. At last he spoke, “Em, you spend a lot of time with Hotch, right?”

Emily set down the imprisoned bishop she’d been fiddling with. “Yes. As much as any of us, I suppose.”

“But a lot on this last case, right?”

She thought back. “Yes.”

“Did he-“ he stammered, “did he seem troubled at all?”

Emily frowned. Although it was always difficult to read the stoic Unit Chief, he’d seemed all right for a guy whose wife had recently filed for divorce. “No. Why, did you notice something?”

“Does he seem troubled? At all?”

“Spencer, what’s this about?”

He sighed. “I’m not really sure. I just feel like I’m not the profiler I should be.” Emily’s face clearly urged him on. “I’ve been working with Hotch for a long time. Most of my professional career. I’ve been with him as he stood face to face with a machine gun and twenty hostages and everyone made it out alive. I’ve seen him talk an unsub out of killing half a dozen more people. I’ve talk a paranoid schizophrenic out of his delusion, and talk a manic depressive with a borderline personality disorder from killing themselves.” Reid’s voice was light and quavering slightly, like a bird. “I know it’s a childish thing to say, but why can’t I do that? Why can’t I be like him?”

Emily thought about what Hotch had revealed to her just a few nights ago. _If she thinks ending up like me is good, then I’ve failed as her leader. _She winced as she realized his fear was much more broad than she had originally thought. _Oh Hotch, _she thought, _don’t you see they all want to be like you? _______

______“Spencer, you don’t have to be just like him to be a good profiler. We all have our own strengths.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I can’t help but think that I have all the _wrong _strengths. Emily, I’ve been in so many hostage situations.” Emily winced slightly as Spencer closed his eyes, envisioning all the horrors he’d experienced. “I couldn’t say anything useful when I was in the hospital at gunpoint with Hotch or in the train with Elle or captured by Tobias. I can’t help but think that if only I’d been able to do something, say something, that I’d have been able to prevent all of the death that came from that situation.”___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Spencer, I can’t tell you all the answers. But I know this: none of what happened to those people, none of what happened to you, was your fault.” Emily sighed and rested her head on her hand. “One of the hardest parts of this job is realizing that what an unsub does isn’t our fault. One of the biggest burdens we have to carry is the knowledge that we could have done better. We all struggle with it.” Emily smiled. “Even Hotch.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Even Hotch?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Emily nodded. “Every one of us has moments where we falter, where we fail, where we just don’t know what to do. All that means is that we’re human.” She chuckled, a mischievous light in her eyes. “As much as we like to tease you for secretly being a computer, that includes you.” Spencer laughed quietly, thankful for the lightened mood._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She lent over the table towards him, her voice serious once more. “Reid, you found out where the unsub took the Lindsey. No one else could’ve done it half as fast as you did. Not even Garcia could create a geographical profile as fast as you. If you want to be able to talk your way out of a situation, I’m sure you’ll learn. It’s not a book you can read- it takes experience. But I know you’re capable of doing it, just like how I know you can do everything else you put your mind to. You’re incredibly smart yet you’re more than your intelligence. Somewhere beyond that funny little computer is a man with feelings and flaws. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Spencer nodded, looking down. His lips quirked as he moved his remaining bishop. “Check.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The dark haired agent looked down desperately. She leaned back and laughed, startling Reid, before moving her piece. “Enjoy it while you can. I’ve got you in three.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which emily helps spence out :')


	58. S3E13- Limelight

David Rossi sat alone in his office, a single lamp illuminating the otherwise dark room, the light unable to reach the trophies and plaques that lined the wall, concealing the usual glittering gold that lined the rims of the awards validating his successes that usually brought him so much comfort. Tonight, David didn’t want to look at the trophies. In fact, he was close to throwing each one out the window.

Aaron’s scolding voice rang in his ears. Although the Unit Chief hadn’t been speaking to him, David was no fool. He was well aware that his return had brought more attention to the BAU since Gideon’s bomber case. Now more than ever JJ was fielding requests from agents across the nation desperate for attention from the esteemed David Rossi, doubling, tripling her workload. What Aaron said was true. There were no excuses for how ruthlessly David had exploited their exploits. He had put these monsters on a stage for the world to see and gawk at. And that was unforgivable.

David found his thoughts shifting to Jason. Jason, who kept a neat little journal full of reminders of the victims saved and memorials for those lost. David could still remember when the kindhearted man with nothing but goodwill for humanity had walked into the BAU bunker for the first time, his optimism a breath of fresh air from the muggy confines of their surroundings- both physical and mental. David grimaced as he remembered the fresh agent turned inside out by the atrocities they confronted daily. Although Jason was nearly as old as the founder of the unit, he was, in many ways, still a child- even to the end if Aaron was to be believed. David startled himself by repressing tears. Tears? David Rossi? The BAU had crushed that child. The BAU took Jason’s sanguine outlook on humankind and irrevocably mutilated it, turning his view of the world into a cascading void of fear and despair. The BAU had done that. David had done that.

His thoughts drifted now to Aaron’s arrival. Although by far the youngest and most inexperienced agent in the unit, he had certainly seen the depths of which humanity was capable of falling to in such an intimate way that he always gave David the sense that his understanding came from something beyond his days as a prosecutor. The dark haired agent had shadowed them all, learning and absorbing at a rate that bewildered David and his colleagues, until he had eventually, after David’s retirement as well as the departure of a majority of their senior agents, become Unit Chief. At such a young age Aaron Hotchner had proven himself to be wiser than David, Max, Katie, or any of the others. And now his fear had come to fruition: Aaron Hotchner had grown enough to realize that David Rossi was a monster.

A single, solid knock on his door broke David from his contemplative stupor. He looked up to find Aaron, the same weathered mask of a scowl firmly in place.

The senior agent almost smiled at the sight of the man- exhausted and desolate as always, yet maintaining his stoic façade with as much vigor as ever. In his dark, crisp suit paired with the hair gelled back in an attempt to control unruly cowlicks unbecoming of an esteemed FBI agent, he made quite the sight to behold. Yet for all David’s admiration and pride at the man before him, he had rarely found himself on the receiving end of the menacing picture. David was thankful he’d never had any violent psychotic urges that would lead him to the focus of the man’s hatred, unknowing whether he would be able to handle the unerring scrutiny of a man whose aura reeked of an unspoken threat.

Reluctantly, David was still guilty of perhaps an even greater offense: disappointment. The older man closed his eyes and sighed in hesitant acknowledgement of the Unit Chief’s presence, suddenly looking and feeling twenty years older than his real age. “Dave.” Aaron’s deep voice, thick with the authoritative tone that came easily to the natural leader, seemed to echo within the darkened office. “We need to talk.”


	59. S3E14- Damaged

Emily rapped her knuckles on the open door respectfully before walking in, a bottle of scotch in hand. “Hey,” she said gently.

Hotch had had his hands folded together, pressed against his forehead as he leaned his elbows on his unusually cluttered desk. He sat up at the agent’s entrance, shaking his head to remove the remaining haziness remnant from his trance. “Haircut?” he asked, his voice rough. She shrugged and slumped into the chair across the desk. He retrieved their glasses from the bottom drawer.

“Did you have fun in prison?” she offered as she poured them both drinks. She startled as he downed the glass in one gulp before shrugging and doing the same.

“Of course,” he said dryly. The woman across from him chuckled as she refilled the tumblers. “Did Spencer say anything?”

“No,” Emily grinned and brought her glass to her lips once more.

“That idiot,” he groaned into his glass, knowing full well that his silence was what tipped Prentiss off.

“Well?”

Hotch sighed. “It was nothing. I was already kind of pissed off because of, you know, the divorce papers, so when Chester got confrontational-“ Emily’s eyebrow’s shot up, “-I overreacted a little.” The Unit Chief took another swig of his scotch. “I may or may not have been prepared to beat the shit out of a man on death row.”

Aaron winced as Emily choked. “I mean, who isn’t?” She joked automatically, but he could tell she was frantically processing his confession. “What happened?”

“Spencer stalled for time. He talked his way out of it.” Emily smiled at that, though for what reason Hotch couldn’t be sure. “God, I’ve been such a mess lately.”

“I’m sure things will work out. You’re just going through a little hiccup now. For… obvious reasons,” she ended delicately. She concluded her statement the best way possible: by pouring Hotch another drink.

They drank in silence for a few moments. “How’s Jack taking it?”

Hotch scoffed. “You know, I haven’t even been around him to find out.”

“At all?” Emily asked incredulously. Hotch shook his head and Emily leaned her head back and breathed out in disbelief. She looked back at her superior. “This is ridiculous. She won’t even let you see him?”

“’Why do you want to see him now when you couldn’t wait to get away from him before?’”

“Fucking ridiculous.” Emily huffed. She downed the contents of her glass. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

Hotch snorted. “Why, what are you gonna do?”

Emily winked. “I dunno, rough her up a little bit?”

The man chuckled softly and stared down into his glass mournfully, partly because he missed his son, partly because his glass was empty.

Emily quickly rectified the latter, which effectively subdued the pain of the former.

“Are we becoming alcoholics?”

“How often do we do this?”

Hotch considered for a moment. “Almost every case?”

Emily shook her head. “Nah. I think it’s a job requirement.” Hotch arched an eyebrow. “Please, you don’t think every agent in that bullpen doesn’t drink the acid out of their system at the end of the day?”

“Spencer?”

“I’m sure he drinks something equivalent to alcohol. A soda, or something. Maybe a slurpee.”

For the first time in weeks Aaron Hotchner laughed.


	60. S3E15- A Higher Power

“Hey.” Emily looked up to find JJ standing above her desk.

The dark haired agent grinned up at her younger friend. “Hey, what’s up?”

A faint glimmer of a smile touched her lips before fading almost instantly. The profiler within Emily began waving red flags. “I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” Her voice, still as optimistic as ever, was cautious.

“For believing in me. And believing in this case.” Emily bowed her head, encouraging JJ to go on. “I… This case kinda hit close to home.”

Emily nodded. “An older sibling?”

“Profilers,” JJ breathed, chuckling in a breathy laugh. “My sister,” she added, her voice solid once more. “Rosaline.”

“Oh, JJ. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” JJ waved her hand. “It was a long time ago. I was eleven, she was seventeen. It… it was a long time ago.”

“JJ, that hurt… that hurt doesn’t go away. Losing someone like that is hard.” Emily took her friend’s hands, hoping that despite Emily’s perpetual cold hands she could provide some comfort.

There were tears in the blonde’s eyes. “I know.”

“If you need anything…”

JJ blinked and looked at the agent. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aklsdjfajs im sorry for the emily spam but i just love her and everyone uses her as the local pop psychologist yikes but hey at least it gives me an excuse to knock these ships off the list


	61. S3E16- Elephant's Memory

“You’re upset.” They had sat in almost complete silence for over half an hour, Hotch staring intently at the bottle of whiskey she had brought and Emily trying desperately to look at anything but her Unit Chief. But she couldn’t take it any longer and looked him in the eye.

“I’m not upset.”

“You’re upset with me.” Emily spoke nearly before her superior had finished. Her eyes implored him to say something. Hotch sighed and opened his mouth to speak, startled when she cut him off. “You’re upset because I could have shot Owen but I didn’t. Reid was blocking your shot, not mine. I could have taken the shot.” Hotch opened his mouth once more but found himself, once again, cut off by the troubled agent. “I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. Even if Reid hadn’t asked me to, I wouldn’t have been able to shoot him in front of Reid like that.”

Hotch set his glass down and leaned back in his chair. He folded his arms and looked expectantly at Emily, realizing that his voice wouldn’t be necessary for this conversation. Go on, his eyes said.

“I know you know that Reid was upset over the kid’s death in the case a few weeks ago. He had tried to talk someone down and it failed. He told me all he was trying to do was to be like you, but he couldn’t. He thought Owen would be a chance to prove himself.”

Hotch’s brow furrowed. That doesn’t excuse your actions.

“I heard you talking on the plane with Reid while we were all supposed to be asleep. I get it; you have cause to fire me, too. But, Hotch, if I had killed Owen in front of Spencer like that, it would have been like killing Reid too.”

His eyebrow quirked.

“Not because I think Reid is Owen, mind you, but because seeing another kid get killed like that would have destroyed him.”

A finger tapped. No it wouldn’t.

“Maybe it wouldn’t. But you know what he’s going through. We all know how he’s struggled in the past with drugs and we both know he’s been struggling again recently. I get that Reid’s addiction isn’t worth the lives of however many people Owen would’ve killed had he failed, otherwise I don’t think I would have done it, but I believed in him. I believed Reid could do it.”

Hotch’s head tilted a hair, barely noticeable.

“In the prison, against Chester, Reid was able to talk both of you out of a situation even you were prepared to escalate to violence. He’s smart and he’s learning. Learning from you. Reid connected to Owen more than any of us. Although it’s not necessarily good for his health, because of that attachment, Reid knew exactly what to say. He’d already predicted where he would go before even you could. And as messed up as the kid is, the grave dug for the innocent man he killed showed that Owen was already reluctant to murder people who hadn’t done him direct harm. It was a risk, but we take risks every day. And I have to say that I’m as confident in the risk I took as I am the risk I take standing by your side and following your orders every day.”

Hotch uncrossed his arms, the scowl dissipated (or as dissipated as it can get with Aaron Hotchner.)

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which they can hold an entire conversation with one side not saying a word. whether its bc theyre that close or bc hotch is just That Good im not sure


	62. S3E17- In Heat

“I still can’t believe you convinced the Aaron Hotchner to go to a bar in Miami with us,” Morgan laughed, an arm around the reddening Unit Chief’s shoulders.

“You always manage to bring Reid, I figured I’d have to one-up you somehow,” Emily laughed as the team received their drinks. The genius frowned at the raven-haired agent, who continued giggling into the dark glass.

“How long are you even going to stay here, Morgan?” Hotch asked incredulously.

Morgan smirked. “I think I can spare a few minutes before finding some lovely lady to enjoy the evening with.” The team (sans JJ, who had decided to spend her night “at the hotel”) simultaneously rolled their eyes. “Come on, Hotch,” Morgan poked his superior, “It’s like a hundred degrees out and I haven’t seen you take off that coat once. Loosen up, man.”

Emily scoffed when Hotch looked at her desperately for support as Morgan began shredding off Hotch’s suit jacket and tie. “He has a point,” she mumbled, though prepared to come to the poor man’s defense should Morgan unbutton their boss too liberally.

Thankfully Morgan was distracted by two particularly lovely figures who seemed a little more than interested in Reid, who continued drinking his fruity, albeit still alcoholic, drink through a straw. Releasing the partially declothed Hotch, Morgan pulled the flustered genius close. “Listen, kid. You see those two girls?” Reid nodded. “Follow my lead and don’t screw this up.” Reid nodded solemnly as the footloose agent flourished in his element.

Hotch rolled up his shirtsleeves, alternating between looking around uncomfortably and staring at the table awkwardly. Emily smiled and bumped shoulders with the man. “Come on, Hotch, it’s not like you’re naked.”

“Not yet. Just keep Derek away from me for the rest of the night and I should be okay.”

She laughed while Hotch flagged down the bartender. Emily eyed Morgan and Reid: the former undoubtedly pouring compliments and sweet-nothings onto the pair while moving his body fluidly, the latter struggling to copy his movements without seeming to much like a twig ready to snap in the wind. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem. Getting him back,” Emily sighed, “that’ll be the problem.”

Hotch laughed. “Wanna join them? I wouldn’t mind watching Morgan maneuver two inexperienced agents around a bar full of attractive women,” Emily offered.

Hotch leaned one elbow on the bar and raised his fresh drink, clinking the tall glass with Emily’s. “I’m perfectly content right here,” he assured, noticing a faint blush on the agent’s cheeks. “Whoever said I was inexperienced?” he added in a low voice, smiling into his drink.

Emily choked.


	63. S3E18- The Crossing

“You sure JJ couldn’t come?” Garcia asked, pouting despite Morgan running his hands over her arms in reassurance.

Emily pursed her lips and nodded. “Yeah, I sent her home. It’s been a rough case for her.”

Thursday nights were usually quiet at the BAU’s regular bar, and tonight was no exception. Although it was relatively busy for a weeknight, no one was dancing, instead choosing to gather around tables and talk. Sitting in their usual booth in the corner, the team had ordered their usual drinks and had already begun the standard antics of teasing and embarrassing story telling. Though this time there were three notable people missing.

“What’s up, mama?” Morgan questioned the dark haired agent, who’d spent the past few minutes uncharacteristically silent as Morgan had amicably berated Reid for one reason or another.

The woman looked up from her brooding. “Rossi’s finicky about when and where he chooses to go after hours, but I can usually drag Hotch out. He seemed off today; I wonder what’s up.”

Morgan snickered, “You know, I always joke about how Hotch and Rossi are mom and dad-“

“Which one’s mom and which one’s dad?” Reid mumbled thoughtfully into his drink.

“-but honestly I’d say you’re the real mom here, Em.”

“Is that so?” Emily struggled to keep appearances despite her surprise at his comment.

“Sure,” Morgan began to elaborate. “No one goes to Rossi at the best of times. Not exactly the most sociable guy.” The team giggled. “Nice to share a drink with, but more like the wizened old grandpa who gives advice when no one wants it.”

The team nodded at the assessment. It was rare any one of them actively sought the senior agent out for advice, unlike Gideon. Despite that, the man was still known on occasion to make himself heard, whether or not the recipient of his counsel wanted it.

“Plus I can’t think of a single agent on our team here who hasn’t confided to you in one way or another. I know I’ve come to you for stuff, I’m sure you and Reid have your little therapy sessions on your little chess dates-“ Reid blushed, “-you talk more and more every day to Garcia here-“ Morgan gave the woman to his right a friendly nudge,” –and, hell, when all the children are kissed and sent to bed, you always share a nightcap with good ol’ pops.”

Emily paused and considered the man’s profile. At last she chuckled. “Oh, honey. If you think we mix anything into our drinks other than more alcohol I’m afraid you know less about me than I expected.”


	64. S3E19- Tabula Rossa

“Is everything alright, Miss Emily?” The agent looked up to find David Rossi standing over her desk. This late at night, they were alone in the darkened bullpen, Emily’s lamp the only light illuminating the large room. Instinctively she glanced up to Hotch’s office, but the superior agent wouldn’t be back with Dr. Reid for at least another two more hours.

She gave Rossi a tired smile. “I’m fine.” Rossi’s gaze never relented. She sighed and looked around the empty bullpen, taking in the strangeness of being alone in what was usually such a busy place. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess it’s just… weird being the ‘new guy.’”

“New guy?” Rossi questioned. “You’ve been here two years. You came before I did.”

Emily gave the senior agent a look. “No one came before you did.”

He shrugged. “Come on, I figured you’d have secured yourself by now.”

“I have.”

“Emily, neither you, me, or JJ was a part of this unit when we went on that case. Yet we all helped solve it in the end, didn’t we?”

Emily smiled at the comforting old man and nodded, but he could tell she was still troubled. He’d always been slightly unsettled by the agent, if only because she wasn’t as easy to read as the others. “I know. I just… how many more cases can be solved without me?”

He could tell there was nothing he could say to ease her worries and he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut when he didn’t even know what her worries were. Was she upset out of pride? Jealousy? Loneliness? Hopelessness?

“Stop.”

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Profiling.”

He scoffed. “You might as well ask us profilers to stop breathing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which emily is still trying to hide her previous training


	65. S3E20- LoFi

_This is all your fault. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHTY well now im off on hiatus until August 1. i already have everything written up till halfway through season 6 but i dont wanna get too far ahead of my tumblr accound (its far enough as is). 
> 
> even though im on hiatus, requests are still open. i just wont get to them until august
> 
> desperate for more? i thought not. check out my tumblr for short little answer time q&a's with the bau team! those wont be posted here bc of the shitty formatting so go on over there


	66. S4E1- Mayhem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack! I'll start posting daily again, but I may skip a couple so it can align with how it's posted on tumblr.

“Prentiss, please. I don’t need to be treated like a child,” the Unit Chief scolded his agent.

“I’m not treating you like a child,” Emily corrected as she closed his apartment door behind them. “I’m treating you like a fully grown adult man who’s just been in an explosion.”

“I wasn’t in the explosion-“

“Who’s suffered through an explosion,” she interrupted, not missing a beat. Hotch was finally the one to break eye contact, unable to shake the determined agent from her protective nature. She slapped her hands on her thighs. “Where’s the booze?”

Hotch snorted before gesturing to the drinks cart. He collapsed on the couch as she poured them each a glass, nodding when she handed it to him. “Are you alright?”

“I keep thinking about what he said. In the ambulance. While I was driving them to the hospital.”

“The bomber.”

“He said… he said to Kate, ‘Thank your partner. He did it all.’”

“Oh, Hotch.” Emily sat down and reached for his hand, gripping it firmly. “That wasn’t your fault.”

Hotch gave no indication of hearing her. “Morgan never would have had to risk his life like that if I had just done as Kate asked. She knew what was happening and I didn’t listen. If I had just let them clear the area-“

“Then Morgan never would have found Sam and we would have been working with the wrong profile. The unsub would’ve found another way to blow up his target and more people would’ve gotten hurt.”

“All it took was Kate’s death.”

“Hotch…” Emily was struggling to find something comforting to say to the older agent, but was startled to find herself engulfed in a hug.

He had slid over with an almost alarming speed and wrapped his arms around her almost desperately, burying his face into her neck; he wasn’t sobbing, or even crying, but his body was convulsing and his breath was shaky and erratic in her ear. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body, but other than his arms, he wasn't touching her, instead remaining an inch apart; she realized with something similar to horror that her Unit Chief, her leader, her friend, was afraid of touching her. Having been startled into silent stillness, she finally placed her arms around him, rubbing her hands on his back in soothing circles. She pulled him to her, pressing their bodies together, her eyes welling as she felt him shudder at the contact. _“It’s okay, it’s okay… everything’s alright… it wasn’t your fault… it’s okay…” ___

__Her mantra continued well into the night._ _


	67. S4E2- The Angel Maker

“Hotch!” 

The Unit Chief was affronted as soon as he entered the bullpen. Agent Prentiss, eyes fiery, had halted in front of him. He sighed and walked passed her. “Prentiss, not now. It’s late and I’ve had a long drive.”

“You didn’t tell us you weren’t cleared for duty,” she snapped, storming after him. 

“I’m cleared to be in the field,” Hotch dismissed, waving her away before unlocking the door to his office. 

The determined agent pressed on as he walked behind his desk, setting his go-bag down. “You were told to keep field work to a minimum and promised that you would keep away from loud noises. For fuck’s sake, Hotch, you stood while we exhumed a body! Those things are loud!” Emily was fuming at him, staring him down with more ferocity than he'd ever seen. “Not only that, but you put yourself in a situation where you knew a gun would most likely be fired and you had a megaphone brought out!” 

Hotch frowned and crossed his arms. “How did you know I promised to keep from loud noises?”

Emily shifted her weight, an easy tell. Hotch’s anger tripled. “I called your doctor yesterday,” her voice was, to her credit, not shaking, but she knew he had her on the defensive. 

“Prentiss, that’s completely out of line,” he scolded.

“What’s out of line is you going against your doctor’s orders!” she retorted. 

“Jesus, Emily! What are you, my mother?” 

“Well someone needs to take care of you! Clearly you’re not up to the task!”

Hotch rounded the desk, stalking up until he was towering over her. “Emily, I’ve had a life surrounded by killers and rapists and I’ve made it through just fine. There are things I’ve gone through that you’ll never understand and I’ll never want you to understand. I don’t need anyone coddling over me, thinking I’m some weakling when I’m more than capable of getting through each day without holding anyone’s hand- _especially _yours. I don’t need anyone and I don’t need you. So find someone else’s ass you can kiss while trying to further your career.”__

__Emily stared him down stubbornly, but he knew he’d won. Whatever that had cost him. “You’re going to Colorado tomorrow. Take Reid with you and cool off,” he ordered sharply._ _

__The agent marched out of the room, hair flying behind her, leaving Aaron Hotchner alone, miserable, hurting, and a painful ringing in his ears._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which emily is Concerned and hotch is Depressed and Determined to be Miserable


	68. S4E3- Minimal Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say that I've read everyone's lovely comments and if I wasn't an anxious piece of shit I'd reply to them.

Emily walked with the others back to the base, her hand always clutching either Reid or Morgan as if to ensure they were still real, still alive. Yet as the press hounded the crowd, she found herself self-consciously hiding her bruises and the blood on her shirt from the invasive flashing lights.

Eventually she maneuvered through the stream of people and withdrew into an empty FBI tent, free to recover in private. She stood quietly for a few moments, steadying her breathing, before looking down at her dirtied clothes. She was stumbling and rummaging for something to wash her blood off with when Hotch walked in.

“Hey,” she said, embarrassed at her soiled state, pausing her search to turn and face the Unit Chief. “Sorry, I just have to find a washcloth or something and I’ll clean up. Did one of you bring my go bag? I need-“

She was interrupted by an embrace. Hotch’s arms around her didn’t have the same wretchedness or anguish they had had a few weeks earlier, but it had the same desperation. She found an almost disconcerting amount of serenity in his grasp and her hectic mind calmed in his presence. He was beyond gentle, but his ferocity was palpable. “I’m so sorry.” The whisper was barely audible.

Emily allowed herself to be comforted against his warm body, nearly collapsing into it; his steady grip only grew tighter, pressing himself even closer to her. “It wasn’t your fault,” she murmured into the crook of his neck.

He buried himself even further until she could feel the lips moving on her skin. “What I said the other day, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, I was just so caught up in my own head, I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I wouldn’t- couldn’t- let you help. I’m sorry. And I sent you away because- because I was so fucking caught up in my own head that I couldn’t allow anyone else in. You’d already done so much and I was scared. I was so scared of you. I was scared of my weaknesses and how easily you know how to spot them and help them. I was selfish. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“

“Hotch,” her voice stopped his tirade of self-deprecation.

“ _I _sent you.” His breath hitched against her ear and she felt tears well up in her eyes.__

__“Hotch,” she pleaded. She couldn’t listen to any more apologies without her heart breaking._ _

__“I need you.”_ _

__Emily couldn’t say anything._ _

__“I could barely listen when he-“ his voice cracked and he stopped. She pulled away and looked him in the eyes, his arms still loosely around her. She placed her hands on each side of his head and stood on her toes, pressing her lips to his forehead. When she returned, his eyes had flitted shut._ _

__“Aaron. It wasn’t your fault.”_ _


	69. S4E4- Paradise

“Look, I’m not saying it was his fault, I’m just saying-“

“No? What are you saying, Derek?”

“Em, come on. He was there, he should’ve seen it.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“Not him. Not like this.”

“You know, he actually has been acting a little off lately. Perhaps the divorce, mixed with watching the budding of JJ’s family, has taken more out of him than we’d previously-“

“Stay out of this, Reid.”

“Thank you. See? Even the kid agrees with me.”

“That’s not exactly what I-“

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“And you do? Tell me, what do you and boss-man get up to while the rest of us go home? Surely not rest.”

“Uh, Morgan, I really don’t think that’s-“

“Now look who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Maybe we talk about how Derek Morgan’s trust issues from adolescence have developed into an isolationist mindset causing him to withdraw within himself and poise his claws any time someone in a position of authority makes a mistake.”

“Emily, bringing up Morgan’s past doesn’t seem like the most conducive way to-“

“Or maybe about how Spencer Reid’s overconfidence with his currently developing skills is directly linked to the arrogance found in his alpha male friend, Derek Morgan, and how their relationship isn’t conducive to the emotional maturation of either parties, but especially the one who lacked both a father and a mother growing up, so is more susceptible to unreliable role models.”

“Alright, Prentiss, you need to calm down.”

“Oh, I need to calm down? Do I really? You know, for someone who’s hands have been twitching for the duration of this argument, maybe I’m not the one you should be worried about ‘escalating’ the situation.”

“Emily, please-“

“Reid, stay out of this!”

“Alright, you know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe I get a little too whatever when someone messes up. But this isn’t the first time, man. How long are we planning to give him on this- he signed the divorce papers almost a year ago. The man may be going through a rough patch, but how do we usually deal with agents going through rough patches?”

“Hotch usually sends them home. Or works them through it.”

“Thank you, Reid, for answering my rhetorical question.”

“Hey, he’s trying to-“

“It doesn’t matter if he’s trying, Emily, it doesn’t matter if you’re trying to help him. Whatever you guys spend doing whatever you do up there, he’s not getting better. You’re not helping.”

“And you are? By not talking to him and trying to send him away? Jesus, Morgan, have you even asked him how he’s doing?”

“Sometimes the best way to help someone is by letting them develop their own path out of whatever cages their mind has made for them.”

_“Reid, for the last time, stay out of this!” ___

__“Why are you even defending him? He’s done nothing for you!”_ _

__“What the fuck is wrong with all of you? He hasn’t done anything for me? He’s given up everything for us!”_ _

__“That doesn’t mean he can’t be wrong, that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of being a failure-“_ _

__“Making a mistake, making a dozen mistakes, does not make a failure!”_ _

__“He needs to take responsibility-“_ _

__“That’s all he does! He’s out fucking Unit Chief, Derek! He takes responsibility for every single one of the mistakes made by this team!”_ _

__“Look, you can glorify him all you want but-“_ _

__“Glorify?!?!”_ _

__“But that doesn’t change the fact that he needs to reconsider his emotional condition and how that affects his ability to lead this team.”_ _

__“Emily! Emily, come back!”_ _

__“Leave it, kid. Just… leave it.”_ _

__“But she-“_ _

__“She’ll cool off tomorrow.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which emily is the founder of the Aaron Hotchner Defense Squad. (don't worry they'll be fine by next ep lmao they're just family bickering)


	70. S4E5- Catching Out

“So you’ve met Morgan already?” JJ asked the new agent during their tour of the offices.

Todd whistled softly. “Yes, I have.”

JJ nodded solemnly. “If Derek’s as embarrassed as I think he is, Emily is going to be your best friend here.”

“I’ll bare that in mind.”


	71. S4E6- Instincts

“Jesus, Emily, how many is that?”

David Rossi was no lightweight (you don’t stay a profiler forty years by being a lightweight), but he was getting dizzy just watching the younger agent take two more shots.

She shut her eyes as the acrid liquid steamed down her throat. “Well, I know it’s at least been two,” she blinked down at the two glasses she’d just emptied.

“How are you still speaking so clearly, you’ve had at least eight,” Morgan asked, marveling at the freak of nature before him.

“Twelve,” Hotch corrected before taking a sip of beer. He glanced over warily at the raven-haired agent.

“Awww, have you been counting my drinks for me?” Emily batted her eyelashes at the Unit Chief. “I can’t tell whether to be insulted or flattered.”

“Trust me, it’s only because when you inevitably empty whatever crap we ate at that Chinese buffet, I’d like to be aware enough to get away from you as fast as possible.”

Derek snorted and held up his glass in cheers. “Smart man. I’ve never doubted you.”

“Salut to that,” Rossi agreed, holding up his own glass.

“Hey! I resent that!”

Rossi turned to Derek, ignoring Emily’s protests. “What about you- I’m surprised you haven’t joined her.”

“I also resent that.” Emily flagged the waiter for more drinks.

“Naw, man, I’d like to keep a relatively clear head,” Morgan reasoned.

“I take it you’ll be leaving us soon for,” David nodded to a group of girls who walked past, “more intimate company?”

“This is why you’re the profiler,” Morgan said, turning to the batch of giggling women and grinning in greeting. Before anyone could respond he sauntered off, hips swaying erotically as he attempted to woo the beautiful ladies who’d made themselves known.

Hotch dug two twenties out of his wallet. “And with that, I’m leaving you as well.”

Emily’s eyes lit up. “Aaron Hotchner! Finally getting some action!”

Hotch figured it would be easiest to just ignore the wasted agent instead of wasting time convincing her he was taking advantage of their free night to get a good night’s rest. “You don’t mind watching her?” he asked Rossi.

The older man nodded. “Not a problem,” he assured. “Put those sheets to good use,” he added with a smirk.

“Hey! I don’t need a babysitter!” Emily complained between two more shots.

“Seriously. Watch her,” Hotch ordered before heading off to the hotel.

A quick look around told Rossi that at least one woman had gone off with Derek, leaving Emily and himself the only two agents in the bar. Rossi fixed his eyes on Emily, who’d begun somewhat dancing to the music on her barstool. “How many more of those do you think you can handle?”

“That I think I could handle or that I think I could survive?” Emily asked. She snickered at her own joke. “Four and nine, respectively.”

“Good God, woman. I’ll give you the rest of the night to show me your ways.”

Hotch rested peacefully that night, blissfully unaware of the two agents ordering a dozen shots to share. Nor did he wake when one particular agent had to hold herself over the toilet in the early parts of the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing really happens, but it's still one of my favs


	72. S4E7- Memoriam

Emily paced back and forth. At last, she turned to Hotch, exasperated. “Does it usually take this long?”

Hotch looked up. “Why are you asking me?”

“I don’t know, you’ve had a kid before!” She gestured wildly as she spoke. “And where’s Garcia?”

“Garcia left to wrap up some things with Reid. She’ll be back shortly,” he stated, returning to his files.

Emily continued walking the edge of the tiny room for a few minutes. “I’m going to get some coffee, do you want some?”

“Don’t,” Hotch ordered abruptly.

“What?”

Hotch set aside his files and grabbed her hand with urgency, pulling her into the chair beside him. “Don’t get coffee.” Very few things truly frightened Aaron Hotchner, but one of those things was being in the same room as an anxious Emily Prentiss drinking caffeine.

Emily began tapping her foot, restless. Hotch handed her a file. “What’s this?” she asked.

“Something to keep your mind occupied.”

“I’m just supposed to go through case files while JJ’s shoving a baby out of her vagina?”

“Yes.”

Emily considered for a moment. She began reading the papers.


	73. S4E8- Masterpiece

“This is going to be interesting,” Reid said as Agents Todd and Morgan brushed past, Todd unrelenting in her teasing.

“Yeah,” Prentiss agreed, watching after them. She turned back to Reid and smiled. “Nice job this case eh?”

Reid twisted his foot in the dirt, gazing down as the earth darkened in shade with each kick deeper. “Yeah. He wasn’t even my fan.”

Prentiss snorted. “Don’t take it too personally.” She wrapped an arm around the genius and began walking towards the car. “Next time,” she assured.

“Hey,” the two agents turned at the sound of their Unit Chief coming up behind them. “You turned in that supplementary yet?”

“Hotch! You’re kidding me right? We’ve been running around all day, you can’t possibly expect me to have turned that in!”

Hotch ignored the protesting agent and winked at Reid knowingly as he passed, who stood in shock watching Emily run after their Unit Chief. Had Aaron Hotchner just made a joke?


	74. S4E9- 52 Pickup

“Did you have something in mind?” Hotch asked.

Emily smiled. “I really don’t think I’ll be able to handle ‘The Viper’ myself. I might fall for his tricks or something.”

Hotch’s lips quirked. “Of course, how could you not appreciate God’s gift to women?”

“Ooh, that’s very nice, Agent Hotchner. I might just use that one,” Emily quipped. “But seriously. Give Todd a chance. I’ll walk her through it, and it’ll be great.”

“All right. I’ll tell her to join you in a moment.” Hotch paused as Emily pulled the black dress from the hangar. “Do you always have that with you?”

“Now what’s the fun in telling you that?” Emily smirked and began fiddling with the buttons of her shirt. She looked up. “Hotch?”

“Yes?”

“I need to change.”

“Oh! Right!” Emily chuckled as the Unit Chief quickly scurried out of the locker room, ears red with embarrassment.

-

“Go to the locker rooms and change. I’ll be right there.” Agent Todd gave Prentiss a quizzical look, but continued.

Emily walked up to Hotch and Rossi, where the two older men were either going through files or staring at the evidence board. Rossi whistled as she approached. “Well, well. What’ll it take to get you to be wife number four?” he teased.

She leaned in perhaps closer than was strictly necessary. “You couldn’t afford it,” she breathed, inches from his face, before walking towards the evidence board and laughing with the senior agent, who’d began pretending to fan himself.

Hotch was careful not to look at the agent’s legs as Emily placed herself beside him, leaning on the table. “How’d it go?”

“We learned that the unsub likely knew Vanessa. The Viper first sends his students out to confront their ‘Queen Bee,’”

“’Queen Bee?’” Rossi asked.

“Vanessa was most likely someone who had turned him down in the past. Due to neither her or her sister recognizing him it was probably something in their adolescence,” Emily clarified.

Hotch nodded. “Good work. How’d Todd do?”

“She was great. She was quick on her feet, fun to work with, and never let Viper phase her out of character.” She grimaced. “And believe me, that wasn’t easy.”

He turned to her, brows furrowed. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” she waved off his concern. “He’s just a creep. Grimy dude. I’m gonna change.”

Both agents waited a respectful amount of time before gazing at the door she disappeared behind. “We should send her undercover more often,” Rossi joked. Hotch rolled his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which grandpa rossi is a proud little fuck who loves his idiot ass coworkers who Refuse to fuck


	75. S4E10- Brothers In Arms

Reid handed the Unit Chief the completed paperwork. “That’s it from me for the Phoenix case.”

“Thank you,” Hotch said, unsurprised that the genius had completed nearly all of it on the plane and was able to turn it in so quickly. He’d had years to get used to it, but he would be lying if he said it didn’t freak him out sometimes. But something else caught the senior profiler’s eye. “Reid? Are you alright?”

“Ye-yeah,” Reid mumbled. “I’m fine.”

“Reid.” The command stopped the boy in his tracks. Stay here.

He sighed and turned to face the older man. “I don’t like how we handled that. I didn’t like putting a target on your back.”

Hotch set aside the files. “Reid, you know that was the fastest way to get the unsub.”

“What if something had happened? What if we hadn’t been able to get there before he got to you? What if he had shot-“

“Reid. I’m fine. Everything worked out okay.”

Spencer frowned. “That doesn’t mean it was the smartest thing to do.”

“I can take care of myself,” he said quietly. “I weighed the risks and I ultimately decided that this was the most efficient way to handle the situation.”

Spencer nodded, looking more like a child than Hotch had ever believed he could. He gave his boss a strained smile and began walking out of the office.

“Reid?” The boy turned back and barely caught the small object that the agent through at him. He looked in his hands and found a cough drop. “Get some rest,” Hotch said. “That’s an order.”


	76. S4E11- Normal

“I’ve been thinking,” Hotch began, setting all sorts of warning signals off in Emily’s head, “Jordan came from counter-terrorism. She saw horrible people do horrible things every day before she got here and was integral to preventing it from happening.”

Emily shrugged, keeping her face impassive. She knew where this conversation was going and she was not looking forward to its continuation. “I’m sure her job didn’t deal with things on the personal level like she does. She’ll get better.” She paused to take a swig of her scotch. “Have you ever wondered what kind of stuff she did, anyways? All the bad guys she’s stopped?” she asked, smiling, desperately trying to derail the subject.

“Elle worked in sex crimes before she worked at the BAU. She saw things up close and personal. I’ve been in that office and everyone there is a rock,” Hotch continued, keeping firm control of the exchange.

“Well, I doubt that prepared her for getting shot in her own home. I mean how does one even recover from that? How do you think you’d react if that happened to you?” she asked quizzically. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Both of them are incredibly strong women, but when confronted with this job, day after day, they couldn’t do it.”

“I doubt I’d quit. I’d probably try to keep going like she did.”

“David left years ago, only returning to complete a case that still haunts him.”

“I mean, what else do you do after you get shot? What are the worst injuries you’ve gotten on this job?”

“Jason left when it took away his spirit.”

“Mine is probably that head wound a couple years ago, remember?”

“Spencer became an addict. He’s recovering, but his nightmares have returned.”

“What about you?”

“Derek has begun acting up again. His resistance to authority pops up every now and again- a way to take out pent up aggression and whatever other negative emotions he’s stored up over the years.”

“God, nothing compared to what happened to Reid. That was brutal.”

“See, now that’s exactly my point,” Hotch stood, articulating his phrase. “That was one of your first cases with us. Everyone- including me- was running around, worrying about him.”

“I worried!” Emily relented and gave into defending herself. Too late, she realized bringing up the Hankle case had served a dual purpose. “I was worried sick!”

“You came from a white collar FBI unit that handled nothing worse than con artists and hackers. Yet even on your first cases you went charging forwards without batting an eye,” Hotch stated. Emily sat, trying to decide whether to meet his gaze. She looked at him. His eyes were dark and swirling, determined to settle this. “When you came here you were already good. You’d had training in profiling- that much was clear from your little show the night you fended for yourself. But it’s unprecedented how good you were compared to the experience you’ve had.”

“Hotch. Back off,” she spoke. Her voice was steady, as always. There were no tears in her eyes.

“How are you so good at this? How do you look at these crime scenes and not even blink?”

She stood up suddenly, the chair skittering backwards. There was silence as she met his eyes, staring into the scowl with a ferocity and determination that rivaled the strength of the esteemed Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. “Back off.”

“Who are you?”

_“Back. Off.” ___


	77. S4E12- Soul Mates

The next morning, the team burst out of the elevator, teasing and shouting. As the filled their seats in the bullpen, Morgan whistled as he sauntered around Emily’s desk. “Ooh, looks like somebody got some flowers!”

“Pink gerberas, when sent to a female as a gift, represent cheerfulness and joy, as well as friendship. They’re commonly sent with the idea of a close bond, since it signifies positivity so adeptly. It is also symbolic of extreme admiration.”

“That’s enough, Reid,” Emily dismissed, picking one of the flowers out of the bouquet. “Daisies,” she muttered.

The card, though generic, was instantly recognizable. On the inside, in neat, swift handwriting, was written, _“Might as well put them to good use. Who knows, maybe next time we can question someone working at a chocolatier?” ___

__Smiling, she glanced above the bullpen to the Unit Chief’s office, where Hotch flashed a smile and winked before settling into his paperwork. Emily ruffled the flowers and moved them to the side of her desk, the grin remaining plastered on her face for the rest of the day._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT. DON'T LOOK AT ME. THEY BOUGHT FLOWERS OKAY WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO. LEAVE ME ALONE


	78. S4E13- Bloodline

“I’M SICK OF THIS!” Hotch banged his hands on the table, causing everyone except his partner to jump.

“Well, then leave us alone!” Emily cried, her hand reaching for Kathy’s arm.

“Fuck,” Morgan whispered. Jordan sucked in her breath.

“What is it?” Rossi asked, sparing a glance at the agent, but keeping his attention focused on the two actors dancing fluidly in complete unison to manipulate the woman before them. They rocked back and forth, spinning the suspect right into their partner’s arms. Their elegance was unmatched.

Finally Morgan opened his mouth to respond, but just then Hotch slammed Kathy’s chair into the table, his arm around her, effectively trapping her into staring at the pictures of her dead parents. “Well then LOOK CLOSER!!” The team flinched, reminding themselves, as Emily attempted to divert Kathy’s attention, that this was all an act.

It was hard.

“They’re good,” Rossi admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly?? that good cop/bad cop routine fucked me up. i watched it at least 20 times


	79. S4E14- Cold Comfort

“Alright, JJ. I’ll meet you guys at the airport.” Hotch hung up and shoved his remaining suit into his suitcase. He was already late and the traffic meant he had to walk to the nearest subway station, which was nine blocks away. He checked his watch as he rushed to the door, nearly dropping his suitcase when he opened it.

“Prentiss?” he asked, bewildered.

“Your toothbrush is still in the bathroom,” The raven-haired agent was smiling as he turned around. She was swaying in place when he returned, toothbrush safely tucked away.

“What are you so happy about?” he asked gruffly. “And why are you here, anyway? And where’s your go bag?” The elevator was taking too long, so he started for the stairs.

“An agent can’t just wait for her superior?” she asked innocently. He paused to look at her, which she considered a win, before continuing down the stairs. “When I didn’t see you at the airstrip I figured you were still here. I dropped off my stuff and decided I’d accompany you to the airport.”

“Not that I’m ungrateful for the company,” he sarcastically assured, “but why’d you do that?” They exited the lobby and stood under the canopy. He knelt to check his bag. _Could have sworn it was here somewhere… It’s so cold in this damnable weather. ___

__“Aw… I care about you, that’s all. Wouldn’t want you to get lost on your way to the underground.” A large black cylinder swung in front of his face. “Plus you forgot your umbrella at the station,” she added, grinning ear to ear. “Wouldn’t want you to catch a chill!”_ _

__Hotch accepted the umbrella, failing to conceal his smile. “Whatever would I do without you, Emily Prentiss?”_ _

__She winked before they took off running into the rain. “Consider it a simple gesture of affection.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so tempted to have her flip him off again here, but I couldn't fit it in :(


	80. S4E15- Zoe's Reprise

“Do you ever feel sorry for their defense attorneys?” Morgan asked, his eyes trailing the lawyer who brushed past them towards the exit.

Hotch looked through the door’s small window where Prentiss was struggling to comfort Linda. “Do you ever feel sorry for their girlfriends?”

The group nodded knowingly and each took a short moment to feel sorry for themselves.


	81. S4E16- Pleasure is My Business

“If this is what you had to deal with for the first twenty years of your life I have no idea how you came out alive and human,” Hotch tossed the files on the table.

Emily looked up from her place across from him on the jet. “The lovely world of politics. Fortunately I’ve managed to rise above my traumatic past,” she said, a twinkle in her eye.

“Prentiss, I’m serious. I don’t have to play politics all that often but when I do I’m left beyond exhausted. It’s like thinking there’s someone behind you and getting used to looking over your shoulder; only instead of behind you it’s everywhere and you don’t have to look behind you because they’re staring at you in the face.”

“And?” she prodded knowingly.

“And the press! They’re everywhere. They’re like mosquitos. Usually it’s not to hard to deal with, but in some parts of the world it can be lethal.”

“Well done, Agent Hotchner. In my many years living under the microscope that is being an ambassador’s daughter, I’ve never heard or thought of such an excellent way to sum up the circumstances with such eloquence. I applaud you.” To conclude her point, she added a low golf clap, careful not to wake up the sleeping members of the team.

Hotch frowned. “I can’t help but feel like you’re making fun of me.”

A second round of applause. “Another astute observation from Agent Hotchner,” she teased. “No, I understand what you mean. And that really is a good way to describe it.” She paused. “Thank you, by the way.”

He cocked his head. “For what?”

“For not ordering me to help you through the maze of Dallas politics.”

Hotch shook his head, ducking from her gratitude. “You’re not familiar with the regional politics. There’s little you could have told me.”

Emily gave him a look. “We both know that’s not true. As unfamiliar as I am with Texan politics, you know I definitely could have helped you maneuver through those lawyers. So thank you for sparing me that.”

His lips quirked and he nodded slightly. “You’re welcome.”

She smiled.

He sighed and pulled out his phone. “You know, Morgan sent me a picture of one of Megan’s dresses.”

The younger agent, headphones on per usual, perked up at the mention of his name, but Emily was almost certain he could tell innately when she was going to get embarrassed.

Emily rolled her eyes. “Oh God, please tell me it’s not that dominatrix leathery one.”

She was suspicious as soon as she saw the full grin that had implanted itself on his face. “Oh, no,” he assured. “It appears to be your dress.”

Her eyes widened.

“You never did tell us where you got that dress you wore to seduce the Viper,” Morgan quipped from his seat across the plane.

Emily was rendered speechless, but it only lasted a few seconds. “Oh, boys,” her voice smoothed over every syllable, her eyes low, and her mouth absolutely rife with sensual teasing and mischief. “There are a lot of things I haven’t told you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did anyone else notice that their dresses were the same? bc i did


	82. S4E17- Demonology

Aaron pulled his suit jacket tighter against him as the door opened, letting in a gust of cold wind and a few wisps of snow into the vacant bar. He was considering putting on his coat when an unexpected face came up behind him.

Emily sighed and almost stamped her foot at the injustice of it all. She goes to a bar hoping to escape her world and finds her boss- her boss who has every reason under the sun to fire her- sitting at the otherwise empty establishment. It was in that moment she truly wondered if there was a God; because if there was, He was surely punishing her. She decided to suck it up and shove it in His face.

“May I?”

He waved to the seat next to him, moving his jacket to the other chair. She felt him watching her. He was staring at her, concern furrowing his brow. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“What? Oh,” she remembered her dramatically timed nosebleed from before and rubbed the dried blood off on her sleeve. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbled through her layers.

She ordered herself a drink and they sat in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact. Out of sheer desperation to look anywhere but each other, they both noticed a solitary man huddled in the back corner booth, snuggling a beer bottle and shaking, probably crying. They both turned to each other to point out this miraculous discovery, which somehow seemed to break the ice of uncomfortable solitude. They smiled at their dueled expressions before returning to their drinks.

“Thank you,” Emily spoke at last.

Aaron said nothing, but he tilted his head acutely towards her to acknowledge her. The man in the corner hiccupped as they waited for her to continue.

“You really went out on a limb for me. I hadn’t really thought about the problems that’d arise from this; my only thoughts were of Matthew.” She scoffed as she imagined all the powerful people Hotch had to keep off her back. “The state department was probably the least of your problems. I remember you mentioning something about the Italian government?” Aaron nodded. “Oh, shit, Hotch, I’m sorry.”

“Aaron.”

“What?”

He turned slightly facing her. “Here, it’s just Aaron. You’re taking a few days off and I’m out of the office.”

“Aaron,” she repeated, the comfortable name on her tongue soothed her. She hated it when profilers always seemed to know exactly what to say to decrease the situation, but this time it wasn’t so bad. “Aaron, I’m really sorry.”

He shook his head. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“No, I do,” she pressed. “I didn’t think about how this would affect you. That’s not what a good subordinate does, that’s not what a good agent does, and that’s definitely not what a good friend does.”

He huffed. “And what do good friends do?”

“Call the Vatican?” she offered, hoping for a smile.

Aaron couldn’t help but grin. He even chuckled a little. “Anytime, Emily.” He looked over at her and clasped his hand over hers. “Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself i'm the drunk man in the corner disrupting the tension


	83. S4E18- Omnivore

“Whiskey?”

Hotch shrugged. “It was Shaunessy’s favorite.”

Emily nodded. “Oh.”

They sat in the comfortable silence of each other’s company for hours.

“I’m sorry,” Hotch broke the silence. “I don’t know why this one is so personal to me.”

Emily sighed, a haunted look in her eyes. “Our biggest fear is that our past will come back to haunt us.”

Hotch assumed she was talking about their previous case dealing with her old friends from Rome. He was incorrect, but Emily wasn’t about to rectify his mistake. “I’ll drink to that.”

The sound of the two glasses clinking rang throughout the bullpen into the long quiet of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these things look longer on tumblr mobile


	84. S4E19- House on Fire

Emily knew she was in for a hard long battle when she walked in her superior’s office to find him already drinking. “Hey, you started without me?” she pouted. She figured it wouldn’t do anything, but it never hurt to try.

Hotch didn’t look up until the agent sat across from him and poured herself a glass. “I’m sorry, I-“ he broke off, bringing his hand to his forehead. “I’m sorry.”

Her heart turned to hear him speak with such a weak voice, a stark contrast to his usual commanding air. “You don’t have to apologize.” She contemplated a moment before deciding that being direct was probably the most efficient way to get him to talk. “What’s wrong?”

“I went to thank Penelope.” Hotch paused to take a sip of scotch, hoping the burning liquid would numb him. It didn’t work. “Everyday I delve elbow deep into horrors regular people shouldn’t have the stomach to look at.”

The profiler winced at the term ‘regular people,’ as if isolating himself from the rest of the world. “We all do,” she whispered.

Hotch looked at her desperately. “Am I turning you into monsters?”

Emily’s breath caught, rendering her speechless.

“All of you are so brave and smart and kind, but most of all you’re _eager to please _. And that selflessness, that dedication to others and to me, has led you all through some of the most nightmarish situations possible. What kind of leader am I to charge you through this maze of barbarity and cruelty and expect you to follow in my footsteps?”__

__“A good one.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have i mentioned how much i love s4? cuz its a lot


	85. S4E20- Conflicted

“How’s Spencer doing?”

Morgan was about to leave Hotch’s office after dropping off completed paperwork when his commander called. There was a thread of connection in the voice, a string tying Aaron Hotchner to Spencer Reid. A connection of one damned soul looking after another.

Morgan grinned, a third fiber intertwining. “He’ll make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which the bau boys have all been abused and/or have gone through Tough Times


	86. S4E21- A Shade of Grey

“Hey, Rossi.” The older man looked up from his book to the agent sitting across from him. Morgan brought his headphones from his ear to around his neck. “Something you said earlier is bothering me.”

“Oh?” Rossi set aside his novel. As adamant as Reid was that he would enjoy it, the Rossi had admittedly lost interest and was trying to figure out why he thought listening to the kid’s recommendation of the cryptic Russian book was a good idea.

“You said ‘we don’t get to pick who wins.’ Does that mean…” Morgan broke off, twisting his head and staring out the window, unable to meet the senior agent’s eyes. “Does that mean we only pick who loses.”

Rossi leant over the table, making sure the other agent heard what he had to say. “Derek, in this line of work, all we see is loss. We see people lose everyday, people who don’t deserve to lose anything. But we make sure that the people who cause that pain and suffering pay for what they’ve done.”

Morgan blinked hard, trying desperately to conceal his watering eyes.

“We don’t choose the victims. But we make sure the right people pay for what they’ve done.”


	87. S4E22- The Big Wheel

“Emily?” Morgan stood over her desk, but his usually joyful, flirtatious voice was weak- a mere croak compared to his vibrant self.

She knew something was wrong instantly. “What’s up?”

He spoke in a hushed tone, glancing around abashedly at the other agents who were scurrying around the bullpen. “Can I maybe talk to you privately for a sec? You don’t have to,” he added as she rose.

“Anything, Derek,” she assured. She brushed her hand over his arm, asking him to follow her. She led them up to the BAU meeting room. She locked eyes with Hotch across the bullpen before closing the blinds, nodding slightly. I’ve got this, she was saying. She turned back to Derek, who was still looking nervous. “What’s wrong?’

His eyes were watering, tears threatening to spill. “I don’t know. These last couple cases… they’ve been hard.”

Emily reached forward and rubbed his arms, hoping the physical contact would help comfort the forlorn agent. “I know,” she intoned, “I know.”

“Sometimes it feels like, when we leave these people’s lives, we don’t do a damn thing to help them.” A tear made its way down his cheek. “I couldn’t even tell that kid… I couldn’t even give that kid an answer.”

When Emily pulled him for an embrace, the man collapsed against the hug, his arms tightening around her thin form. Derek Morgan, the very definition of an alpha male, completely unwound himself, allowing himself to come undone before his friend. Weeks, months, years of bottled up rage and emotional trauma from the intensity of their job was unleashed, and Emily Prentiss was the only witness. She pulled him closer, mourning alongside her friend. He choked on his sob. “I couldn’t tell that kid the only man who he ever saw as a father was the man who completely destroyed his life.”


	88. S4E23- Roadkill

Emily had pulled up just as the medics were getting out of the ambulance. Hotch was already waving them off and clearly trying very hard to walk steady. “Hotch!” she yelled.

The Unit Chief froze in fear. He slowly turned to the woman that was storming towards him, noticing without an absence of fear that she hadn’t put her gun away. “Prentiss, I-“

A single glare silenced him. “Well? What are you just standing there for? Go help him,” she barked at the medics. Hotch’s waving arms had kept them at a firm five feet away from the injured man and the unexpected arrival of the dark-haired, dark-eyed agent had them completely stationary. At her command they sprung back into action with more vigor than customary, electrified by her intensity.

Hotch allowed them to lead him to the ambulance, where they began poking, prodding, shining lights in his eyes, and asking him routine questions to test for head injury. His usual repeated phrase, “I’m okay, I’m okay,” was absent in the presence of Prentiss, who had her arms folded over her lumpy FBI vest.

She supervised the proceedings carefully, watching for any unusual signs of discomfort from her commander. When at last they’d judged the severity of the situation (“Not much, ma’am,” the main medic assured, voice surprisingly steady considering his obvious terrified state. “Just a minor concussion and some scratching and bruising. He’ll be sore for a couple of days, but he’ll be alright.”) she spoke, struggling but succeeding to keep her voice under control.

“I spoke with the detective.” Hotch winced. “He said you swerved the SUV into the truck, putting yourself in the most danger.”

“I had to do something. He was about to run over the cyclists.” He found it completely embarrassing to be defending himself in such a manner (he hadn’t even done something like this to his bosses) but he knew Emily’s wrath stemming from the alternative was something he wouldn’t survive.

To his relief (as well as the medics, who visibly relaxed), her bristles were calmed and she smiled slightly. “I know,” her voice was soft. But for all his heroics, they both knew a line had to be drawn somewhere. They also knew Hotch was in no state of mind to draw that line for himself in any situation. Her tone was firm, but still kinder than it was before. “But you need to be careful. You won’t be able to save any lives tomorrow if you allow yourself to die today.”

Hotch nodded in understanding, and couldn’t help but feel like a scolded child. Nonetheless, he couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth as she sat beside him and began interrogating the medics on the details of his condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which everyone is scared to death of emily prentiss


	89. S4E24- Amplification

Spencer was ambushed and Derek was absolutely helpless to stop it. As desperate as he was to protect his friend, Derek found himself utterly powerless in the face of the two women who practically leapt on the doctor.

“Penelope here tells me someone hasn’t seen the X Files,” Emily giggled as she all but shoved Derek out of his chair and dragged it directly beside the confused boy.

Penelope had lugged her bag reserved for the largest of her mobile computers and set it up with almost frightening speed. “We figured with all the secrecy and intrigue today, it would be a perfect time to start watching!”

Emily leaned back in her chair and grabbed the container of jello the nurses had brought in after Derek had stolen his first one. “Besides, you’ve got how many more days in here?”

“Uh, four?”

“Great!” Emily squealed. Spencer and Derek frowned. Emily never squealed. “That means we can watch 144 episodes.”

“I’ll need to take breaks.” Emily looked at Spencer quizzically, as though she hadn’t considered that possibility. “You know, sleep? Eat? Rest?” His voice was desperate…

… But ultimately useless. Emily snorted. “Please, you won’t wanna sleep once we start.” She turned to the computer whiz. “Almost ready?”

Spencer focused his attention on Penelope and was nearly overwhelmed. The screen was bigger than any TV he’d ever seen. Flat and thin, it was supported by two poles on wheels that were on either side of his bed. Derek whistled. “Dang, baby girl. You go all out, don’t you?”

“You know it,” Penelope quipped. She typed rapidly on her computer and the three other agents were unable to trace her actions as they flew by on the screen. Soon the pilot episode was pulled up and paused, ready to begin their marathon at any moment.

Emily turned to the man on the bed. “Ready?”

Spencer shot Derek a quick look of useless desperation. Derek shrugged and pulled in another chair from outside, whispering to a nurse for more jello. Spencer sighed and accepted his fate. “As I’ll ever be.”

To be fair, he’d always wanted to see the X Files.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Reid has probably watched the X Files multiple times over in canon, but do I give a fuck? No. Penelope and Emily are gonna pop Reid's crazy-alien-show cherry.


	90. S4E24- To Hell...

And in that moment, as if by some supernatural link, every member of the team breathed as one and whispered, in perfect unison, _“What the fuck?” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no one was in danger so i couldn't use the "it's all your fault" but i'd already committed to the lazy tradition of not writing both halves of two-parters so here's what


	91. S4E25- ...And Back

“Have you filled out your paperwork already?” Hotch raised an eyebrow at Emily, who handed him a stack of files. “You didn’t get Reid to do it, did you?”

Her chuckle was brief and light, a faded copy of her true laughter. “As much as I wish I could have, I don’t think he can take much more of this case. But his is in here as well. We worked on it on the plane together.”

His lips quirked up in some distorted smile, but he found he couldn’t fake merriment as easily as his agent. “Gin or vermouth? Or both?”

Her mouth opened in a small “o” gasp before she recovered her reluctance and he instantly knew she didn’t want anything except sleep. “Both. What kind of question is that?” She sat down before him and plastered a surprisingly convincing grin on her face.

“Go home.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“You’re tired. We all are. Go home and get some rest. I think I’ll do the same,” he added as she opened her mouth to protest. Rarely eager to derive her leader of rest, she relented.

As hesitant as she was to object to their after-case drink dates and as sheepish as she was to admit any sort of weakness, physical or emotional, she was forced to admit that this particular case had drained her. A quick look into Hotch’s hollowed eyes told her that he was somewhat disappointed in giving up their tradition, but she could also tell he wasn’t about to allow her to push herself any further.

“Alright,” she conceded, pursing her lips and pushing herself out of the chair. “But I owe you one.”

“What else is new?” She turned to look at the man before she walked out and nearly gasped. She knew she would rest peacefully tonight having seen her Unit Chief smile- a faded and fatigued smile, but a smile nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was mostly an excuse for emily to hate herself, bc she doesn't enough already :)


	92. S5E1- Faceless, Nameless

Aaron awoke with the image of Foyet burned into his mind He blinked rapidly, his eyes falling on his current visitor. Contradictory to the injured yet still surprisingly intimidating Unit Chief’s insistence, the team had resolutely decided to stay. They blessedly compromised to keep vigil one at a time rather than the swarm of them constantly surrounding him. After all, you don’t cross a man who can still manage to look threatening in a hospital gown. Morgan had apparently gone home since Aaron’s last bout of consciousness and was now replaced by Emily. The tension released from his body; he had never been comfortable with people witnessing his vulnerability, but she’d comforted him when he felt weak enough times to where he accepted her presence. If anything, her nearness was soothing, but Aaron wasn’t about to admit that.

She hadn’t noticed his rousing. Aaron fixated on her as he tried to cleanse the memory of Foyet from his mind. She was leaned forward and staring at her hands, picking at her nails again. Her hair fell across her face so he couldn’t make out her expression, but he didn’t need to be a profiler to know she was worried. They all were. And it was his fault.

He made to shake his head against the unwelcome yet familiar thoughts, but his head moved a hair’s breadth; even that was physical exertion enough. He took it as a sign that he needed more rest and allowed his eyes to drift to Emily once more, hoping she would be there to ease him in slumber instead of Foyet’s violent memory. His lids flitted shut and he felt the droziness of the medicine begin to carry him off.

Yet before he could truly fall asleep, his hand suddenly got very cold. Without opening his eyes, he knew Emily had enveloped his hand in her own. Too tired to be startled by the touch or to even flinch back, he was about to grumble something having to do with requiring gloves as her uniform when she spoke.

Her voice was soft and shaking. It felt like another knife entering his body to hear her speak like that. “Aaron,” she began. He instantly knew she thought he was still asleep. “I know you can’t hear me and that’s probably why I’m telling you this now anyway. I’ve never been one to open up too much myself, as hypocritical as that is by encouraging everyone to be candid with me, but I suppose you know that already, don’t you?”

She chuckled quietly and her thumb circled the webbing between his thumb and index finger. He repressed a wince, guilty for letting her continue her private confession. Even if he was the subject, he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding. “You already know a lot of things. You always have. It’s the job, I guess, but I think it goes beyond that.

“You’ve always been such a great leader, and I imagine being as intuitive as you are has come in handy, as well as all the other skills you possess; excellent marksmen, avid reader, studious learner, engaging listener, firm speaker. It’s truly exceptional and such an honor to work for someone with so many natural talents.”

He was ready to stop her. Although she clearly wanted to say something, she was prone to babbling, especially when she was nervous, and he was not interested in hearing nothing but undeserved praise. Not to mention his hand really was getting quite cold.

Before he had a chance, she huffed. “I’ll stop. You were never one to listen to, as you would call it, ‘undeserved praise.’” He nearly huffed. She knew him so well, too well, more well than anyone he’d ever known. The vulnerability was somehow both troubling and assuaging at the same time. Why did the enigma of Emily Prentiss continue to be so contradictory? “But it’s not all for nothing,” she continued, wrapping her other hand under his, surrounding his very cold, very well hugged hand. “Although it’s a great honor, when something like this happens I really just can’t take it. To think that I’ve caused the near death of the greatest man I’ve ever met is unbearable. To live with that, even more so.

“I guess that’s why I feel like I have to tell you now. I’m such a coward, I know. I can’t even tell you, much less the entire team. Aaron.” He could hear the tears in her voice and he knew she was crying. Suddenly her babbling took on a much more serious note and her disorganized chatter was accelerating in both speed and emotional meaning. “Aaron, I’m so sorry. I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. You weren’t supposed to be home that early; we were supposed to have drink in your office or go out to the bar and have drinks or go back to mine and have drinks or even to yours to have drinks. It doesn’t matter. You weren’t supposed to be alone that night. But I was tired and weak and I couldn’t be there for you,” she sobbed. He quietly sucked in his breath. _Did she really blame herself? ___

__There was a brief pause as the agent steadied her breathing. His hand was very cold. “But I promise you,” her voice changed; it seemed more solid and steady. “I promise you that I will not fail you again. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. Anything at all, just say the fucking word and I’ll be there._ _

__“As loathe as you are to admit it, Aaron, we love you. We all love you. For God’s sake, Rossi thinks of you as his damn son and he loves you twice as much than if you were. Penelope hangs on your every word because you inspire something in her beyond her trinkets and optimism and she delights in every bit of that drive you give her. Spencer has always viewed you as the father he never had and fears disappointing you more than anything else in the whole world. Derek, though the alpha male in him will never admit it, loves you like crazy; there’s no way anyone else could get him to follow orders as readily as he does. JJ, more than the rest of us, understands what you do and how you see because of what she sifts through every day and she loves you for remaining supportive and steady when she needs you most. And I love you, Aaron.” He winced internally. He wasn’t deserving of such honor or affection. He never had been._ _

__“I- we- love you more than you could ever possibly realize, and not just because you’re so frustratingly humble that you can’t imagine the possibility of anyone looking up to you. It’s what you fear and it’s the fear your father put in you, but because of your strength your light has shone through. And it’s touched all of us.” Aaron tried to inconspicuously squint away the water that was welling up under his eyelids. Somehow she always managed to know exactly what he was thinking and somehow she always knew exactly what to say. He desperately wished that he would, one day, be able to make her feel the way he did when she spoke, or at the very least be able to show her just how much he appreciated her. Because somehow, even with his broken, violated body laid out all but naked in the coldness of the strikingly white hospital, she made him feel love._ _

__“We love you and we’ll all be there. But I’ve never-“ she broke off, choking on a sob. “I’ll be here. Forever and always.”_ _

__Aaron squeezed her hand and she gasped, realizing with horror that he’d been awake to hear at least part of her admission of guilt. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at their intertwined hands, pleased that his hand hadn’t been numbed by the cold to the point of immobility._ _

__Finally he looked at her. Her wide, dark eyes were red and tears stained her cheeks. And she was beautiful. “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. Somehow, it was exactly what to say. She smiled through her tears. And she was everything in the world._ _


	93. S5E2- Haunted

Emily glanced around the bar until she spotted Derek. “You called me?” she asked, taking a seat next to him and waving at the bartender.

Derek sat, brooding and staring at his beer, watching through the glass’s distorted perception as the liquid swirled within. Finally he set his beer down. “What do you think of Hotch?”

Emily dropped her head and sighed. This was not a conversation she wanted to have with Derek Morgan. “Come on,” she protested drearily. “Leave it.”

Derek turned to face her and Emily could quickly detect the alcohol. She anxiously wondered how may he’d had to be smelling so potent in a setting engulfed in acrid smells, hoping the alcohol wouldn’t aggravate him further.

She was wrong. “You dropped Hotch off?”

Emily nodded.

“You go into his apartment?”

Emily nodded.

Derek snorted. “Tell me, how many stacks of files on Foyet did he have next to his table?” He took a swig of his drink. “There had to have been at least three boxes.”

“Let him be. He was just stabbed.”

He smacked his hand on the table. “Yes! Yes, that’s what I’m talking about! He was just stabbed in his own home? Do you know how long it took Elle to get over that?” His dark eyes were wild. “He should not be in the field!”

“Derek-“

“DON’T,” he slammed his beer on the ground, cracking the bottom of the bottle. “Don’t ‘Derek’ me.”

The bar had gone silent and everyone was staring at the pair. Emily held her hands up defensively. Derek sat, seething, watching as the beer leaked out of the base of the bottle. “He just needs time,” she said slowly. “Everyone has a tough time readjusting when they get back to the BAU. Elle, Gideon, Rossi, and even JJ all struggled with cases. This is no different.”

“This _is _different,” Derek argued. “He’s our leader. And if he’s going to act like this every case he has no reason to be.”__


	94. S5E3- Reckoner

“ _’He should not be in the field!’ _” Emily mocked Morgan’s words from just a few nights ago. “Oh, Spencer. You really shouldn’t be making calls like that,” she continued her harassment, sending Garcia into a fit of giggles as she sipped her drink through her straw.__

__Morgan rolled his eyes. “Come on, it wasn’t that bad,” he said, smiling despite himself._ _

__Emily placed a hand on Reid’s shoulder, who looked up with feigned melancholy. “Spencer Reid, please promise me that you will never ever lie like that again to me.”_ _

__The boy batted his doe-eyes innocently. “Yes, momma.”_ _

__She nodded solemnly and looked up to Derek. “And you thought Hotch was the problem. I’m telling you, this sly little bastard’s trouble.” At last she broke character and began grinning ear to ear._ _

__Garcia applauded. “Brava, thespians, brava! A theatrical masterpiece!”_ _

__Emily rose from her barstool and took an exaggerated bow before gesturing her arms to Reid, who did his own sitting-down version of a bow._ _

__Morgan laughed and clapped Spencer on the shoulder, decidedly firmer than Emily. “I’m not sure what was more impressive: you doing that whole bit without cracking once, you calling Emily Prentiss ‘momma’ and surviving, or you doing that chair bow and surviving.”_ _

__“Leave him alone, you,” Garcia defended, shooing off her flirtatious partner. “He did great.”_ _

__“Apparently not good enough to get any of Hotch’s cookies,” Reid mumbled dejectedly. He perked up suddenly. “Hey Emily! Hotch doesn’t have the best appetite. Did he eat all the cookies?”_ _

__“All the cookies were eaten.”_ _

__Reid frowned, his profiler senses tingling. “That was a little vague.”_ _

__“Well if you wanted some, you should drive him to and from work every day.” Emily winked. “Why do you think I do it?”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i write this purely based on emily saying "naughty boy"? why would you even ask that hahahhahahahahhhahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahah


	95. S5E4- Hopeless

Hotch quirked his eyebrow at the third member of the room. While not unwelcome, he was certainly an unexpected addition.

“Come on, Aaron,” Rossi chastised, pouring their drinks. “I bring my own scotch and I get a look like that?”

Hotch huffed and quirked his lips. Not a full smile, but Prentiss and Rossi exchanged knowing glances. “You’re such a picky drinker,” she added, “I can’t afford this kind of high quality scotch.”

“Sorry if cheap tequila isn’t exactly palatable,” Hotch scoffed into his drink. Prentiss gaped and was seemingly rendered speechless as she covered her mouth with her hand. He raised both eyebrows down at his glass- it was much better quality than their usual.

“Impressed?” Rossi asked, pleased that his high-caliber liquor had impressed his protégée.

Hotch nodded. “A couple steps up from cheap tequila.”

“Um, excuse you. I don’t buy cheap tequila. You just can’t _handle _tequila,” Prentiss defended at last. She crossed her legs and gave the two senior officers a sly grin. “I buy cheap vodka.”__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two things:  
> 1\. that scene where they walk away from those cops? I C O N I C  
> 2\. it really fucking bothers me when ppl complain ab tequila like pls for the love of god just get the right brand and i PROMISE you its so much better than that shit they toss you at bars. like sweaty if you don't like expensive tequila then youjust can't HANDLE tequila


	96. S5E5- Cradle to Grave

“Hey!” Morgan turned to find Prentiss at the door to the Unit Chief’s office. “You guys started the paperwork without me?” she pouted at Hotch, her eyes twinkling with delight. “You know that’s my favorite part.”

Morgan looked back and forth between the woman holding a bottle of tequila at the door and the man failing to suppress his smile behind the desk. “What?”

Hotch waved at the two of them to take a seat, ignoring Prentiss leering alluringly at Morgan, giggling as she sat down. “For the past seven years you’ve been here,” Hotch explained, “I’ve done most of your paperwork for you. The tactical plans were only one. When Prentiss joined the team, she found me filling out files and files worth of paper justifying every decision the team had made.” He paused to take a sip of his drink, his face turning sour at the taste of the acrid liquid.

“We had started drinking before then,” Prentiss clarified, pouring a third glass for Morgan, who looked like he desperately needed it. “I think the Hankle case was when we started that.”

Hotch nodded. “But she insisted on helping once I told her-“

“Once I _figured out-“ ___

__“Once she found out,” he corrected quickly, “the reason I always stayed after we’d finished our drinks.”_ _

__“You thought you could fool me,” Prentiss rolled her eyes before turning back to the bewildered Morgan. “He’d had to stay even later than usual on our drink date nights to finish the paperwork he’d have otherwise been doing. So when I figured it out, I began helping him out.”_ _

__“It didn’t save that much time. She’d distract me with drinks and jokes that we’d end up taking the same amount of time if I’d done it alone.”_ _

__“We were multitasking!” Prentiss defended, raising her glass._ _

__“And I must admit it was much easier to handle when someone else was with me,” Hotch concluded._ _

__“Especially when that someone happens to be beautiful, intelligent, witty, smart, and sexy,” Prentiss added, batting her eyelashes at the befuddled agent seated beside her._ _

__“Which is why I’ll be helping you with the paperwork once you become Unit Chief,” Hotch said it so seriously, Morgan didn’t register his joke until Prentiss erupted into laughter._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which morgan is SHOOK that they do paperwork _and _drink like wow__


	97. S5E6- The Eyes Have It

“It’s a slippery slope, that’s all I’m saying,” Reid teased. “First he’s going to start behaving more recklessly and going after unsubs solo, but soon he’s going to start dressing like Morgan and womanizing.”

Emily covered her eyes. “The day Aaron Hotchner walks into his office in a t shirt is the day I quit the BAU.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i'm just SAYIING that the day hotch just happens to wear a t shirt to work is the day emily just so happens to leave the bau


	98. S5E7- The Performer

The team’s laughter died down and Emily tilted her head at Hotch. “Seriously? The Beatles?”

His face hardened. “Shut up.”

Morgan laughed. “Leave him alone, Prentiss. Maybe he got it on his ‘Birthday.’” He winked at the dark-haired agent, who returned with a sly grin as she realized their acting Unit Chief’s plan of attack.

“You know, Henry likes listening to certain music to calm him down. Maybe it’s the only way his parents could stop the ‘Cry Baby Cry,’” JJ happily joined in. “Sometimes we have to listen to it for a ‘Long, Long, Long’ time in order to get him to say ‘Good Night.’”

Hotch put his head in his hands.

“Man,” Emily raised her eyebrows, impressed at the amount of song titles she was able to fit in. “That’s ‘Wild Honey Pie.’” She chewed on her lip before turning to Rossi, mischief in her eyes. “Hey, Rossi? What are some of the girls you’ve slept with?”

Reid gasped at the question and opened his mouth to ask why Emily was suddenly being so crude. He was cut off by a light kick from JJ. Hotch’s ears were pink.

“Let’s see,” the senior agent began with a knowing smirk. “There was ‘Julia.’ ‘Martha My Dear’ and ‘Dear Prudence.’ ‘Sexy Sadie,’ how could I forget? I remember one time she asked, ‘Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?’”

Reid gaped. “Did you?” he managed to ask before receiving another kick from JJ.

“Well. Opportunities ‘Don’t Pass Me By.’”

The genius, for all his smarts, frowned. “What’s going on?”

Hotch took advantage of the team pausing in their assault to cackle wickedly at the boy’s ignorance. “Come on, guys. I’m sure Prentiss listened to so much worse.”

He kicked himself when she looked at him, eyes shining. “Oh yes,” she said mournfully. “I had a bad case of ‘Yer Blues’ most days, so I’d sit at the window watching a ‘Blackbird’ who’d frequently rest on the window sill ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps.’ I’d clutch my stuffed animal, thinking ‘Everyone’s Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey.’”

“You had a stuffed monkey?” JJ offered.

She took the bait. “And a raccoon. ‘Rocky Raccoon,’ I called him. I also had a couple ‘Piggies.’”

Hotch groaned.

Reid had finally tapped JJ’s leg to the breaking point and she leaned forward to whisper what was going on.

Morgan cracked his knuckles, hoping to get rid of some of the tough ones. “My grandpa used to tell me a bunch of stories. From when he was ‘Back In The U.S.S.R.’ during the ‘Revolution.’ He used to eat at this one restaurant called the ‘Glass Onion’ where they served the best ‘Honey Pie’ and ‘Savory Truffle.’ He also had a friend who had such a green thumb, they’d nicknamed him ‘Mother Nature’s Son.’ His name was Bill and he’d go on all sorts of adventures, but always returned to his small shed. When I was a kid I’d always ask him when he was going to finish ‘The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill.’ He never got to finish, but he’d tell me that he had a funny saying: ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.’”

Emily, JJ, and Rossi all applauded the agent’s excellent skills. Reid sat up. “’Helter Skelter!’” he shouted excitedly, happily volunteering one of the few Beatles songs he knew. The five other agents groaned.

Morgan nudged the woman next to him. She yawned and did an exaggerated stretch. “Wow, ‘I’m so tired.’”

“You know, sometimes when I can’t sleep I go to the shooting range. Let off some steam,” he set her up for the shot.

She knocked it out of the park. “Well, you know what they say. ‘Happiness Is A Warm Gun.’” The pair bowed at the ovation and acclamation they received. Their former Unit Chief shot them both a glare.

Emily leaned over the table, challenging Hotch directly, hoping to intimidate him with the direct eye contact. “What are you going to do?” she taunted. “Try to get some revenge?”

To everyone’s surprise, he met her gaze without flinching. He leaned forward until their faces were mere inches apart. To her credit, Emily didn’t back down, though she could most certainly feel his breath on her face. “Oh,” he cooed darkly. “ _’I Will.’ _”__

__The plane erupted into whoops and cheers._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys this took me like two years to write and make sure i had all the songs from the white album so maybe appreciate it


	99. S5E8- Outfoxed

“Hotch?” Emily nearly had to jog to keep up with the man. “Hotch!” He had been muttering under his breath a phrase, over and over, but she couldn’t make it out.

She followed him outside and into the car where his head fell into his hands. In the enclosed space she could finally hear what he had to say. “This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault.”

She straightened, thinking desperately of what she’d done to offend him when she realized. “Oh, Hotch.”

“This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault.”

He wasn’t talking to her.

This is all your fault. This is all your fault.

He was talking to himself.

_This is all your fault. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100's getting released tonight and fun fact!! I haven't fuking written i t yet bc i don't wanna fuck it up too late aksdhajshdlkjfalsjdfhlajsdhf hate this


	100. S5E9- 100

The two Hotchners were temporarily held in the Unit Chief’s office until Aaron had to give his testimony. Jack had blessedly fallen asleep on the couch, his small form curled up into a ball on the loveseat. Aaron studied his son’s features almost obsessively, as if the hearing was called to evaluate his role as a father instead of an agent and they were going to take him away. A part of him almost wanted them to.

For whatever reason, Aaron somehow didn’t hate the smell of alcohol. He was sure that, with all the horrible memories associated with his father storming home drunk in a blind rage, looking for anything and anyone to take his anger out on, he would’ve had some sort of traumatic connection with that pungent scent. Yet it was strange how little he thought of his father when he was drinking himself, which had all sorts of implications. Would he turn out like his father? Was he already like his father?

Aaron’s thoughts drifted to the seemingly unending fights with Haley. He’d lost count of how many times she told him he would never make a good father. He was too much like his father, she’d say, pointing out that the only father figures he’d ever come in contact with were deranged psychopaths, ignorant fools, or abusive alcoholics. Aaron didn’t think she ever knew just how right she was. She’d always apologized profusely afterwards and whisper sweet nothings to ease the sting, but there was a sliver of truth behind the outbursts and they both knew it.

Was she right? How many differences where there between Hotchner Sr and his son? They were both lawyers who were dissatisfied with the legal system, they both isolated their sons, and neither of them could ever be loved. His father never felt anyone was worthy of love. Aaron never felt he was worthy of love.

Aaron looked at his son. The shadows of Jack’s eyelashes danced across his cheeks in fitful slumber, his impossibly small hands clenching tightly at the air, as if clinging onto something with fierce desperation. _What are you clinging onto, my child? You mother? It’s too late to forget the brightness she brought to your life, but it’s not too late to forget the warmth of the sun against your precious skin. Your childhood? I’m afraid that was over the day Aaron’s flesh first the hide of a belt. Your life? It’s already over, dear boy, and you don’t even know it yet. Your father?_

_His life ended before it had the chance to begin. ___

__How much had he screwed up this kid already? Jack had witnessed the death of a parent and he was now destined to watch the other’s life descend into madness. Who was Aaron to compound his son’s suffering? Jack’s purity was something that could outshine the stars, and Aaron was assigned the impossible task of protecting that innocence through a world made for monsters. Yet the overwhelming bliss he felt even just looking at his child… Could he walk away from that?_ _

__Did Aaron even deserve happiness? He thought he answered the question long ago, after his father’s death had caused him to lose sense of self–he’d been defined by hatred for his father his entire life and, after a few years attempting to hate the world, he realized how much easier it was to hate himself–and had been temporarily fooled into thinking happiness was something attainable when he married Haley. But Haley had been gone for years already, leading him back to his original decision. His life was worth nothing beyond his ability to help others, making him no more than a tool dedicated to fixing what he could not fix in himself. He was nothing and deserved nothing._ _

__JJ’s knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. The council was ready for his testimony. Aaron gently woke Jack, who blinked sleepily and enveloped his father in a hug before getting handed off to the blonde agent, who ran her fingers through the child’s hair affectionately as she carried him to the conference room where the others were waiting, glancing behind for a moment to wish her leader strength and serenity. Aaron nodded politely, but felt nothing but guilt with the agent’s misplaced confidence._ _

__It was time for him to publicly admit his guilt for having his wife killed by a deranged serial killer obsessed with the downfall of Aaron Hotchner. For a long time, Aaron didn’t think he could hate himself more, but Foyet was smart in ways even the likes of Reid couldn’t fathom: he dragged Aaron further down into the abyss than he could have ever imagined, making the proud, broken man drudge through misery and agony he’d never thought possible._ _

__To his surprise, Emily was waiting for him at the start of the hallway. He blinked in surprise at the dark haired agent, who fell in step beside him as he slowly made his way to the execution room. The pair stopped and the world seemed to stop turning as they stood in an eternal silence outside the door._ _

__Emily turned to face him. His dark eyes seemed more dull than usual, as if Foyet had stolen the very light from inside of him, but he didn’t meet her gaze. “‘If you look hard enough you can always see reasons, but you’ll go crazy if you think it’s all punishment for your sins.’”_ _

__Of course she knew. Or at least she thought she did. “Barbara Kingsolver,” he murmured softly._ _

__Her eyes brightened slightly. It was the first words he’d spoken since the house. She cursed silently as she realized she had no idea what to say next. Everything sounded insincere, and he would refute anything she said anyway. At last, she took a deep breath. “You love your son,” she said. It wasn’t a reminder; it was a promise._ _

__He met her eyes, the words echoing through his head, heart, and soul. She smiled weakly and squeezed his arm before stepping back, allowing him to enter the room._ _

__He brought his hand to the handle, feeling the cool metal grow warm at his touch. Yes. That was the difference between Aaron and his father: he loved his son._ _


	101. S5E10- Slave of Duty

“Prentiss, wait up,” Morgan called.

The dark-haired agent swung around at the acting Unit Chief’s command. “Yes, sir?” she asked, her voice lined with derision.

“What was that?” Morgan asked, waving towards the victim’s house.

She shifted her weight and met his concerned look with a glare. “What was what?” she asked innocently.

“’Play along?’” he repeated her threat from earlier.

Emily blinked and her face hardened, trying not to reveal anything through her expressions. She didn’t want to admit how much she related to these women while having to ‘play along’ to Doyle’s fantasies and along with all the other monster’s she’s had to seduce for a chance at survival. “I was just subduing the unsub, alright?”

He sighed and hung his head. “Look. I know you’re a little hostile because you think I’m after Hotch’s job.”

“I’m not being hostile!”

“Oh, okay,” he replied with no small amount of sarcasm.

She shifted her weight again. “Well, aren’t you?”

“No,” he assured. “I’m not ‘after’ Hotch’s job. If he comes back, I’ll walk him back into that office myself. But if he doesn’t come back, I’ll do what I have to do.”

“Meaning you’ll get the authority you’ve always wanted.”

“Emily, come on.”

At last she relented. “Look, I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes dropping to the ground. “It’s just…”

“We’re all worried about him.”

She shook her head. God, was she actually letting her emotions control her this way? She’d always been good at compartmentalizing, but it was as if the events from last week weakened her barrier, allowing trauma she hadn’t dealt with in years to come rising to the surface. Blinking away tears, she looked back up at Morgan, seeing the same conflict in his eyes. 

“I know.”


	102. S5E11- Retaliation

“You ready to go?” Hotch asked, twirling his keys in hand.

Emily looked up from her desk. “What?”

“Come on,” he said, tilting his head towards the door. “I’m taking you home.”

She hung her head as Hotch gently grabbed her good arm and pulled her up. “You don’t have to. I’m really fine.”

“I know,” he said. “I just want to do this, okay?”

She nodded and pursed her lips. “Alright.” He waited as she quickly gathered her things and reached to help her put her coat on. “Hotch, it’s really not that bad. I can put my coat on myself.”

He held his hands in the air and backed away, unwilling to incur the wrath of Emily Prentiss. However, when he saw her struggle to get her injured arm into the sleeve, he raised an eyebrow. She sighed and allowed him to ease her arm into place.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. He nodded and they walked to the elevator.

When they were on the road, she decided she had to say something. “You don’t owe me anything,” she said.

He glanced briefly at her. “I know.”

“No you don’t,” she pronounced. “You feel guilty because I helped you after Foyet and now you feel like you have to make it up by babying me when I’m injured.”

“I’m not babying you,” he defended. “There’s nothing wrong with taking a colleague, who hasn’t slept in over twenty four hours and was hit by a car earlier today, home.”

Emily scoffed, but they both knew he had won. “It was some case, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. A nice ‘welcome back.’” He gave her another worried glance. “This one was especially rough on you, though. You were in a car accident. Plus you do undercover work.”

She froze. “What?”

“You’re always the first we send out for undercover stuff. I mean, it’s nothing compared to the years Mueller spent, but it has its similarities. The past coming back to haunt us is a fear that plagues us all, but there’s something more intimate about redefining one’s identity, even for a moment.”

She visibly relaxed, breathing out slowly. “Yeah. Yeah that’s true.”

They rode in silence for the rest of the ride. “Well, this is me,” she said as he pulled up to her apartments. “You don’t have to walk me in,” she assured. “Say hi to Jack for me.”

Nonetheless, the car didn’t drive away until her apartment lights could be seen from the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was waiting for someone to say "hey, em, maybe you should sit this one out since you got hit by a fucking truck" but noooooo


	103. S5E12- The Uncanny Valley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> split into two parts! i had written the last part first, so it's kinda just spence getting over his little bout of emotion.

Spencer flipped the cover of his bag and threw the strap over his head. It had been a long day at work and he was eager to get home. He had to stop himself from flinching when Hotch called his name. 

“Reid!” The Unit Chief called, rushing down the stairs to catch up with him. Spencer reluctantly turned to face him and pursed his lips in resigned acknowledgement of his commander. Hotch’s brow was furrowed in concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Spencer sighed and looked up at the older man. “Ugh. No not really. I don’t know I guess I’m just frustrated that someone would do that to their own child and so many other children and use his profession to get away with it. I know people do it; we’ve seen this kind of stuff all the time. But it doesn’t make it any easier. If anything it makes it worse, knowing there are more of them out there.

“People use their skillsets to do horrible things, and many times monsters who become doctors are the worst because of it. He knew exactly what he was doing to his daughter and exactly how to make it all go away. He probably got the job just so he could prey on little girls’ trauma. Again, that’s nothing new, but the sheer overwhelmingness of the innumerable practitioners who use their experience and expertise to manipulate the people they’re supposed to help. People are supposed to feel safe around doctors, but oftentimes that sterling education only turns people into cynics. That’s exactly my problem.”

He rubbed his hands over his eyes. “There’s no way I can stop everyone. There are just so many demons hiding in human skins roaming around and damaging others in ways that we can’t even understand. The world is full of horrible people doing horrible things. The only thing I want to do is help those who are hurting, but most of the time our unsub’s have as rough lives as their victims, if not worse. Samantha was traumatized and tortured all throughout childhood, the horrors of her youth starting with the death of her mother. Malcolm saw how he could use it to his advantage and molested his daughter, probably multiple times over an extended period before submitting her to electroshock ‘therapy’ as a way to make her forget. What Samantha did to those women was inexcusable, but if anyone had an excuse it would be her. She didn’t even want to hurt people- she just wanted her dolls back. She wanted to protect the dolls from her father and from other girls he would try to lure. Can anyone blame her for that? 

“Yes. Yes they can, and they will. She’ll spend the rest of her life stuck in a mental institution getting long overdue help for things she’ll never recover from and, if you hadn’t stepped in and brought the case directly to the DA, Malcolm probably would have had his license revoked and maybe gotten fifteen years without the girls’ testimony. But even without his doctorate, he could pick up and set up shop somewhere else and start all over again. In what world is any of that fair? Her whole life was destroyed because of him, and he didn’t even pay for it until nearly twenty years later.”

He exhaled slowly. “But we stopped him. And we’ll keep finding people like him and stopping them too. Maybe we won’t get all of them, but we’ll get the ones we can and so many lives will be better because of it. Without us and our work, so many more people would be walking around living their lives with the constant reminder of pain and loss, knowing their family or friends had been victims of one horrible crime or another. The next traumatized kid who would have walked through Malcolm’s door has just had her life returned to her and she doesn’t even know it. That’s what matters. We help who we can and we mourn for the rest.”

Hotch nodded solemnly along with the doctor’s confession, silently pleased that Spencer had so willingly opened up to him. The corner of his lip quirked slightly. “I was talking about your limp.”

The younger agent grinned ear to ear, looking more like the boy Hotch would always see him as for the first time in recent memory. “No you weren’t.”

Well. He wasn’t a genius profiler for nothing. 

 

-

 

Keith looked up at the smiling stranger. He turned to his friend. “Spencer?”

The doctor smiled down reassuringly. “Keith, this is my co-worker Emily Prentiss.”

“Is she the co-worker who quit?” he asked with the bluntness of a child.

Spencer chuckled lightly. “No, but she’s helped me a lot since my other friend quit.”

“Oh.”

The woman grinned and extended her hand. “Hey, Keith. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

The boy shook it in an awkward way that reminded her of Reid. “Do you like chess?”

“I love chess. I play with Spencer every Thursday,” she said.

“Do you ever get tired of him beating you?”

Spencer turned at least three shades of red as Emily laughed and sat down across the chessboard. “Oh, kid. You’ve got a lot to learn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also hey this was the first time in three weeks that i watched a cm episode. my breath hitched and i rewound the first scene when emily spoke for about fifteen minutes. i also cried every time hotch and emily were in the same shot.


	104. S5E13- Risky Business

“Hey,” Emily knocked on the open door to the Unit Chief’s office. “Heading home early?”

Hotch was putting files from the Wyoming case into his briefcase. “Yeah. I should be home around lunch to relieve Jessica of her babysitting duties.”

“If you can pry her off that boy,” Emily teased. “I don’t think I’ve met a kid as loving or kind as Jack.”

Hotch paused and stared off into space, thinking of Haley. He did few things nowadays without pausing and thinking of Haley. “He was raised well.”

“By both parents,” she insisted attributing some of Jack’s finer personality traits to his father.

“Emily, what am I doing?” he asked in a hoarse whisper. “I took away his mother. I can’t take away his childhood as well.”

“You didn’t take away his mother, Hotch. Listen, I know you’re scared that you’ll end up like your father, but you won’t. I know you won’t.”

“How?” he uttered.

She walked forward tentatively. “I know you won’t because you’re strong. You survived what you did, what your father put you through, and through it all you became a better man than your father could ever hope to be.”

Despite her admonitions, he couldn’t help but think of Haley and how she would still be alive if it weren’t for him. If he had just relented and kept his ego in check like Dave warned, none of this would have happened. Haley had the right idea by leaving; she knew it was the best way to protect her son from a man who would put his family in danger in the hopes of finding criminals. A monster like that doesn’t deserve to have a son, much less a-

His self-deprecating introspection was interrupted from spiraling further down into the depths of misery and despair by two cold hands surrounding his own. He looked up at Emily.

“And I know because I don’t think I’ve met a kid with a father as loving or kind,” she maintained. Satisfied she’d conveyed her point, she released him, acknowledging that her superior didn’t like being coddled or praised. Which was unfortunate for him because they were both aware that he would be nothing but coddled or praised by the team for many months.

“Whelp, ego boosted and hopefully restored, and my job’s done.” She walked backwards to the door, pointing at the files she’d left on his desk. “Those are my files for this case. I still have a few left, but I blame Reid for distracting me on the plane.”

He grinned faintly, allowing his dimples to show. “The young prince merely wanted to impress the fairest maiden in the land,” he replied innocently.

Emily snorted the easy compliment away.

“Emily,” he called. She stopped, both hands on the doorframe, and turned her neck so she was facing him. “Do you mind dropping me off? I’m sure knight Jack would love having the fairest maiden over for lunch.”

Her smile spread ear to ear and she curtsied slightly. “Of course, if the king insists.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that fairest maiden of the land story had me SHOOK wow i love emiliy prentiss
> 
> i'm also a firm believer that she's jack's favorite and jack is _her _favorite__


	105. S5E14- Parasite

Morgan fell back into his chair, tired of meticulously reorganizing all of the paperwork into the right place. “Prentiss, you really used to deal with this everyday?”

The raven-haired agent turned towards the man who appeared humbled before the mountain of files. “What?”

“You used to work in white collar crime, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is all we had to do. Quite the nightmare.” She grinned. “Used to have dreams about men made of white paper coming to eat me.”

“Now you have nightmares of _real _men coming to eat you,” Morgan laughed.__

__“What division did you work for?” Reid asked, looking as though he were having a field day._ _

__Prentiss turned her attention back to the files. “Oh, nothing too fancy.”_ _

__“Oh?” he pressed, realizing with a painful sense of curiosity that she’d never really spoken about her days before the BAU. Then again, none of them did._ _

__“What kind of stuff would you work on? Con mans and hackers?” Morgan asked, wanting to do anything but think about his own duty repacking the boxes._ _

__“Con work, I guess. Civil espionage,” she answered after a brief pause._ _

__“That sounds fun,” Morgan snickered._ _

__“You know, I actually find the paper trail left behind by these types of crimes absolutely fascinating,” Reid said as he flipped through dozens of more files._ _

__Morgan rolled his eyes. “Yes kid, _we do know _.”___ _


	106. S5E15- Public Enemy

Hotch looked up at the knock on his door, surprised by the agent requesting entrance. “JJ? Is everything alright?”

“Hey, Hotch. I was wondering if you had a second?” The Unit Chief nodded and waved for her to take a seat. The blonde smiled and sat, straightening out her shirt. She paused before asking, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Cases with children.” JJ looked away, blinking away tears. “Every time there’s a child or a father or a mother involved all I can do is think about Henry.”

Hotch nodded sympathetically. “It’s the same with Jack.”

“Then how do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Use these families the way we do,” she denounced. “We take these people’s misery and we use it to make the media dance like puppets for us, just like the unsubs do.”

Hotch folded his hands together. _This isn’t going to be easy _, he thought, staring down the fiery woman. “We do what we have to do so we can bring these families closure. Yes, we typically try to use the media to our advantage and in many ways we’re using the worst events that have happened to them like tools. But that’s the job. We have to utilize every resource to ensure that we capture the unsub, the true creator of all this pain, in the hopes that the knowledge of bringing these criminals to justice will go to help them find peace in their losses.”__

__JJ nodded, pausing to process his mini lecture. “Do you?”_ _

__“Do I what?”_ _

__“Does it help you? Knowing that Foyet’s dead?”_ _

__Hotch sighed. “JJ, my pain will always be there. But the fear is gone. And because of that, all the good that I see in Jack can wash over the pain.”_ _

__JJ nodded and rose. “Thank you,” she choked._ _

__“Anytime,” he replied. He stood up and watched her walk out of the room. Before he could sit down, another agent was standing outside his door._ _

__Emily smiled. “You wanted to see me?”_ _

__“I didn’t call you,” Hotch kept his face blank, though his dimples were threatening to expose him._ _

__She cocked her head. “You’re staying late tonight when you could do the paperwork at home, meaning you want to drink. You know I’d figure out that and come up to join you.”_ _

__Hotch exhaled, not willing to reveal himself quite yet. “And why would I want that?”_ _

__“’There are many ways for sons to defeat their fathers,’” she repeated incredulously._ _

__He finally allowed himself to smile and pulled out the bottle of scotch he’d been concealing behind his back. “To defeating drunken shitheads by becoming drunk and shitfaced!”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you really think i was gonna go through this whole episode and NOT mention that "sons defeat their fathers" quote???


	107. S5E16- Mosley Lane

“Today was a victory,” Hotch said, leaning over to refill his friend’s glass.

Emily sighed. “What about tomorrow?”

“That’s why we’re celebrating today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite episodes but i honestly couldn't think of anything more interesting


	108. S5E17- Solitary Man

Hotch looked up from his surprisingly palpable combination of paperwork and vodka (Emily had insisted that the two would amalgamate splendidly and wouldn’t hear of Hotch’s complaints) to the troubled woman across the desk. “Are you alright?” he asked, lowering the files.

She glanced up. “Yes, I’m fine,” she lied easily, returning to the reports. When she risked looking up again, she found him staring at her, remaining utterly unconvinced. She sighed and let the files fall onto her lap. “I don’t know. The girl today who had her mom taken… I guess that just hit a little close to home.”

His eyebrows shot up. He supposed he had realized that being the daughter of a politically controversial ambassador in counties with tense relations would come with domestic difficulties. He had, at one point, even been the head of security for Ambassador Prentiss. He just hadn’t considered the possibility that Emily, of all people, would have gone through something like that. “What? What happened?”

She sighed again and took a swig of alcohol before continuing. “There were a few distinct occasions throughout my childhood where the safety of our family was not always guaranteed.” Hotch, after over three years of astute observation, had noticed that the more eloquent Emily spoke, the more perilous the topic. “Once, when I was just a young girl- maybe seven or eight- I was taken hostage and used as leverage against my mother.”

It took all of the Unit Chief’s self control to refrain from gaping openly.

“Everything turned out alright. I don’t remember much of it. But I do remember when my mother was taken a few times. Once when I was six and again when I was twelve. I don’t remember what happened the first time, but I know the second time it took them three days to get her back.” She paused, pursing her lips gravely. “For three days I thought I was going to live the rest of my life without a mother.”

“Emily,” he murmured gently, “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

The agent shrugged it off. “It’s nothing. It was a long time ago. I’ve definitely had worse experiences since then,” she laughed, attempting to liven the mood.

After a moment’s deliberation, he decided to let it go. It wouldn’t do her any good to dwell on her troubled past to merely satisfy his curiosity. He held up his drink. “To worse experiences.”

She raised her own. “To weathered souls.”

Their glasses clinked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does this fully explain how emily grew up as a controversial ambassador's daughter in countries rife with political conflict and shady dealings including but not limited to kidnapping as means of persuasion and the subsequent trauma she faced from constantly being watched by both her mother's guards and her mother's enemies? no. does it even attempt to do so? it would be embarrassing if i said yes. will i at some point write a fic involving flashbacks to certain repressed memories about scarring events? probably not. do i want to? hell fucking yes


	109. S5E18- The Fight

The two teams, buzzed, tired, and thrilled with the added company, had finally circled around the almost worryingly large cooler in the dimly lit warehouse. Hotch and Cooper were on opposite sides facing each other and the junior agents had instinctively taken sides with their commanders. Cooper was chortling away at Reid’s intellect curiously exploring the minds of his own agents, specifically “the Prophet,” whose unique experiences made for excellent stories for the young genius. Hotch, who had submitted to Morgan’s relentless arm twisting and had abandoned his jacket, loosened his tie, rolled up his sleeves, and had partially unbuttoned his shirt, was sitting casually on a table, his legs dangling and gently kicking Emily, who was sitting cross legged at his feet, nursing a beer.

Morgan, who was sitting, legs spread, on the floor in between the babbling Dr. Reid and the cheerful Emily Prentiss, held up his bottle towards the opposing Unit Chief. “Yo, Cooper! Do you have any good Hotch stories?”

Hotch swung his legs in the man’s direction and groaned, unable to reach him. He bored his eyes into Cooper, attempting to intimidate him into silence. “Don’t,” he warned. “He asks every senior agent we come across and I have to hear about whatever embarrassing story they tell for weeks.”

“Senior agent?” Cooper repeated incredulously. “Well, Aaron, if you’re going to insult an old man like that I’m afraid I’m an open book.” Hotch’s team’s eyes shot open, eager to hear tales of their leader’s junior exploits. Before their need for blackmail could be properly satiated, Cooper frowned and turned to Rossi, who was content leaning on a cement pillar and watching the young ‘uns foolish antics. “Hang on, you have more than enough stories, Dave? Why don’t you share any?”

The man shrugged. “I prefer to stay out of bullpen dramatics.”

Cooper and Emily snorted simultaneously. “Please,” Cooper said. “If I remember correctly, it was you who started all of that ‘bullpen dramatics’ in the first place.”

Rossi held up his hands. “Woah. They asked for humiliating Hotchner fables, not David’s nighttime extravaganza.”

Emily snorted again, drawing the attention of the senior profiler. “And what about you? You seem to have been keeping Mick entertained.”

The raven-haired agent scoffed. “If by ‘entertained’ you mean ‘struggling to keep him more than two feet away from me’ then you’ve got that right.” Nonetheless, she felt her ears getting hot under Hotch’s gaze.

Gina nudged the Brit in question. “Aw, Mick. You really tried going after one of Hotch’s agents?”

“Unsuccessfully,” Emily added.

“We’ll see,” Mick smirked. “This is all a part of a grander plan.”

“I’m sure,” Cooper dismissed. “But really I would like to get to know you agents better. I don’t talk to Hotch here as much as I would like and when I do he rarely talks about anything but Jack.”

Emily laughed, ducking when Hotch’s leg came swinging overhead and grabbing it, pulling to make sure it remained secure. “Of course. That does sound like him.” She deftly avoided the other leg and was saved by Morgan, who began a very odd wrestling match with Hotch’s single leg. The others pretended not to notice.

“Care to introduce yourself? I’m afraid I wasn’t present for your introductions.”

She bowed her head and raised her arm as if to curtsey. “Hello. My name is Emily Prentiss. I like to consider myself the brains and brawn in the group because I am both the smartest and the most physically capable of the team.”

Morgan rolled his eyes. “Sure, Em’. We all know it.” He released Hotch’s leg and looked at the other Unit Chief. “I’m Derek Morgan. I specialize in all things tedious and excel in all things grand.” It was Emily’s turn to roll her eyes.

Reid bobbed his head in greeting somewhat awkwardly. “I’m Doctor Spencer Reid. I have an eidetic memory and three PhD’s currently.”

“Currently?” Simms questioned. The boy shrugged and turned to the woman next to him.

“I’m Jennifer Jareau, the communications liaison for the team,” she said, the most graceful of them all.

Rossi offered his hand to Cooper, who shook it firmly. “I’m David Rossi, senior agent operating under Agent Hotchner.”

Emily tugged on Hotch’s leg, which she had wrapped her arms around and was now leaning heavily on, who groaned and continued the bit. “I’m Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the Behavioral Analysis Unit operating out of Quantico, Virginia. I think of myself as the father of the group. Except for, of course, Emily Prentiss, whose high school photos are indicative a life preferably isolated and ostracized from civilized society.” He grunted as a surprisingly sharp set of teeth made its mark in his leg.

“Our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, can actually get practically any information on anyone in this room,” Reid boasted about his friend. “One day she brought in a picture she’d found of Emily. Hotch wasn’t with us when we saw it, though, so Garcia probably gave him the copy-“

The genius was interrupted by a large crash as Hotch toppled on top of Emily, who shoved him off. The Unit Chief settled against a pillar and wrapped the attacking agent in a quick headlock before releasing her and allowing her to slump against his chest.

“Speaking of!” Morgan interrupted before the teams could derail the subject even more. “Humiliating Hotchner fables! I want them!”

“As do I!” JJ raised her beer.

“And I as well!” Emily reached for her beer, but was held back by Hotch, who’d wrapped her hands around her stomach in order to prevent her from participating.

“Me too!” Reid added, much to everyone’s pleasant surprise (except for Hotch, whose lethal glare was lost upon the oblivious Reid). JJ wrapped her arm around Reid’s shoulders while Morgan ruffled the kid’s hair.

“Well,” Cooper began, smiling down joyfully upon the team who looked so blissfully content. “If you insist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i blame hotch's touchiness and friendly aggression on the alcohol. it's fine, since no one will probably remember anything that happened the morning after


	110. S5E19- Rite of Passage

Hotch sat across from Emily on the plane. She looked up from her files and smiled, leaning over to ruffle his hair. “Aw, you look so cute with the dust-blown look.”

He attempted a glare, but his dimples betrayed him. “Are you alright?” he asked.

She snorted. “First my smell and taste, now my hearing? Hotch, the last thing you’ll have to worry about is budget cuts if you blind me.”


	111. S5E20- ...A Thousand Words

Morgan grinned broadly as an unexpected guest decided to sit next to him. “Hotch!”

The Unit Chief’s eyes flickered with amusement. “No witty quips for me today?” He looked at Reid, who had his head buried in cards. “Or statistics?”

“Oh, don’t mind them. They’re just a little shaken up at some of my hidden talents.” Hotch looked up as Emily returned to her seat from the bathroom.

Hotch’s eyes flitted around the table, deducing. “Oh no. Did you try to play cards with Emily?”

“I never lose,” Reid mumbled nearly incoherently. Hotch had the feeling that he hadn’t said that in response to his question so much as the insane utterings of a defeated man.

“Where did you learn to beat Reid?” Morgan asked. “Where did you learn to beat the genius from Las Vegas?”

Emily chuckled softly, smiling as she gently bit her finger. Hotch took his opportunity to answer for her. “Emily’s constantly fluctuating childhood made for some varied experiences and introduced her to some pretty diverse characters over the years. She picked up some stuff along the way.”

Morgan looked back and forth from Hotch, who was trying to snuff the cards away from Reid’s trembling fingers, and Emily, who nodded in assent to Hotch’s summation. “And how do you know this?” he asked the Unit Chief.

The man had begun shuffling the cards. “She talks more when she’s drunk,” he replied as he began to deal. “Plus we met a long time ago.”

“What?” Rossi and JJ looked up at Morgan’s uncharacteristic squeak. He cleared his throat and began again. “You’re telling me you two have met before the BAU?”

“Sure,” Emily said, cracking a peanut. “When was it? Before I was out of college, even.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah. It was one of my first assignments as an FBI agent,” Hotch reminisced.

“ _Oh my god _.”__

__“You know I applied for the academy after college because of what you said,” Emily smiled._ _

__“Really? I’m flattered,” Hotch matched her cheery grin._ _

__Emily winked as Morgan made a strangled sound with his throat and Hotch’s grin only broadened. “You guys need to stop, because I seriously think I’m going to throw up.”_ _

__The pair laughed as the two shell-shocked agents played lifelessly through the hand. (Emily won.) The two men didn’t seem to register when Hotch only dealt for two the next round. Emily and Hotch played in silence for another half hour or so before they were joined by JJ and Rossi. Another hour passed in relative silence._ _

__At last Morgan asked his commander one final question. “Did you know about her ticket to Sin to Win, Atlantic City?”_ _

__Hotch choked._ _


	112. S5E21- Exit Wounds

The BAU was packed and gathered around the fireplace at the inn when JJ entered the room, sighing. “I’m sorry, guys. They’re expecting a snowstorm tonight. They won’t send the jet until tomorrow.”

“So we’re stuck here? In a dead woman’s inn?” Morgan asked, tightening his grip around Garcia’s shoulders. JJ nodded contritely.

“Are they seriously getting snowstorms this late in the season?” Rossi asked.

“They get snow storms up here as late as June. Plus it’s been a late winter. But we’re definitely getting out of here tomorrow,” she assured.

Reid grimaced. “Do we really have to sleep with the same roommates?”

Rossi frowned. “I don’t snore that loud.”

“We put you with Rossi because you talk in your sleep,” Hotch affirmed, though he had to admit he was struggling to remain firm against Spencer’s best puppy eyes.

“He can bunk with me. I’ll put my mom skills to use,” JJ said and began handing out the room keys they had returned less than an hour ago.

“Rossi- the lucky duck who gets his own room because no one can stand his monstrous snoring,” she said, ignoring the hurt look the senior agent gave her.

“Hotch and Emily- the two lightest sleepers,” she withheld the keys and looked at them both sternly. “I can’t trust either of you to take care of yourselves so please take care of each other.” She turned back after releasing the keys, adding, “That does not mean drinking the entire night, Emily.” The agent in question winced.

“Morgan and Garcia- the inseparable pair. Look after her,” she added, whispering into Morgan’s ear.

She tossed the final set to Reid, whose eyes lit up in delight when he actually caught them. “Reid- you better not wake me up unless it’s important.”

And with that, the three pairs and chuckling single walked up to their rooms once more, lugging their baggage behind them.

When she got to their room, Emily threw her luggage on the floor and all but collapsed onto her bed. Hotch, after taking a few moments to gaze down at the exhausted agent with a mixture of fondness and amusement, did the same, tearing off his outer layers of clothing in the process until he was just wearing his t-shirt and jeans.

Without removing her head from the depths of the pillow, Emily mumbled, “You know I have a bet with Reid that if you show up to work in a t-shirt I’ll quit the BAU.”

“I’m not at work,” he insisted drearily, “I’m on vacation in Hawaii.”


	113. S5E22- The Internet is Forever

“Penelope?”

Her rapid fingers froze- just for a moment, but long enough for the profiler to notice. She didn’t want to see him. Not today. Not after what she’d been through.

“Penelope, this isn’t what I wanted to put you through.”

She continued her fervent typing, her nearly inhuman fingers flitting rapidly over the keyboard, the evidence of her work flashing between her dozen screens. She couldn’t acknowledge him.

“Penelope, it’s my own fault. You never should have had to seen that or have any part of it.”

If she acknowledged him, she would be acknowledging the pain he was apologizing for. She couldn’t do that. She wasn’t strong enough.

“Penelope, I asked you here, all those years ago. You’ve been an asset to our team- more than that. Your optimism and lightheartedness and creative nuances are what have kept us all going. You’re bright and quick in ways that I’ll never understand and would never mean to.”

She wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t strong enough. The assertion echoed throughout the caverns in her mind, awakening long-abandoned feelings of immense self-loathing, stemming from even before her parent’s death. Her fingers had stopped, but she hadn’t noticed. Tears ran down her cheeks, leaving streaks of makeup down her face. She wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t strong enough.

“Penelope, you have strength beyond any of us. You look at those screens everyday and see what we do tenfold and still manage to smile and laugh and hug us when we get home.”

She began to weep the ugly, undignified weep of the tormented. She couldn’t move; she was paralyzed by her sorrow. Her body began shaking as she wept.

“Penelope, you’ve been through so much. And all I’ve done is compound your suffering.”

She choked on her sobs. She hated those damn profilers for always knowing exactly what to say, but this one’s ability seemed to be compromised. How could that stupid, stupid man think that she blamed him for anything?

“Penelope, I’m sorry.”

She gasped and turned around, but Aaron had already left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hotch and penelope have such a pure relationship, but with their differences inevitably comes a shitton of guilt since both of them always feel so responsible for everything.


	114. S5E23- Our Darkest Hour

_This is all your fault. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a shock- another guilty two parter


	115. S6E1- The Longest Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here, folks! Season 6! I had planned to have another series occurring at the same time/slightly after the Lauren arc but since I haven't even started writing that yet... it's probably not going to happen.

“To JJ,” the Unit Chief raised his glass and the agents under his command followed suit.

“Jayje, that was _amazing _!” Emily cried, hugging the blonde agent while expertly keeping her drink from spilling. JJ smiled after she was released, if somewhat dazed from the embrace. “Really! I don’t think even Hotch or Rossi could have done better!”__

__“For once, I agree with you,” Rossi quipped. He kissed JJ on the forehead in a grandfatherly way, his Italian roots shining through with such a genuine display of affection._ _

__“It was amazing,“ Garcia said from within the confines of Morgan’s arms. Morgan nodded his assent, beaming, yet silent._ _

__“I can’t believe you did it,” Reid grinned._ _

__Hotch flaunted a rare smile, dimples and all. “You’ve grown better every day.”_ _

__JJ, flushed with praise and alcohol, humbly dodged the compliments. Nonetheless, she had a bright glow around her and the team reveled in it. She had every right to be proud._ _

__The group disbanded into smaller subsections. Garcia removed herself from Derek’s hold to continue showering JJ with admiration while Rossi watched on, chuckling at her inventive locution. Meanwhile Morgan had walked up to the drinking pair, Hotch and Emily, where he found and ruffled Reid’s hair, who had been vulnerable to such attacks since his recent haircut. With a gentle squeeze of the arm from Emily, Hotch led Reid to the bar to attempt to find a drink that wouldn’t overwhelm the genius’s rather unrefined palate, leaving her alone with Morgan._ _

__“Don’t ask me if I’m okay,” Morgan warned before she could even open his mouth. His tone was playful, but there was most certainly an ounce of sincerity._ _

__Emily laughed. “Alright, you got me. I just need to be sure.”_ _

__Morgan smirked. “I’ll be alright. This case was just…”_ _

__She nodded, understanding. “I’m here.”_ _

__The man’s face had gone dark, contemplative. His mind lingered on the extent of the unsub’s victim list and wondered, like so many other times, how many other killers were out there plotting their next attack while they celebrated. He looked around, watching as Reid pulled a sour taste much to Hotch’s amusement at whatever liquor he’d made the boy try, watching as Garcia had joined forces with JJ as they turned on the alarmed Rossi, watching as the bartender brought the entire bottle of vodka that Morgan hadn’t even noticed Emily order. He couldn’t bring himself to smile despite the mirth that came naturally to watching the BAU family, but observing his team- so rich, so happy, so alive- helped lessen the impact of the depressive episode._ _

__“I know.”_ _


	116. S6E2- JJ

Derek was angry.

As soon as JJ had left to go say her good-byes to Penelope, he’d gone outside to take a walk. He knew he needed to cool off, get some fresh air.

They can’t just take you away like this, Spencer’s voice echoed in Derek’s ears as he circled the building’s perimeter. They were taking away his friend, his family, and for what? Some bureaucratic bullshit that insisted on shaking things up, tearing things apart?

JJ. JJ had helped them all through so much, just by being around. Her presence automatically had a calming effect on anyone around her. She was sweet and caring, almost naively so. Her aggressive dedication to justice was a grounding point to the other members of the team, reminding them of who they were and why they were doing what they were doing. She was their home. His home.

He shook his head, about to return to the office, when suddenly he saw her. JJ was in her car, waiting for the gates of the garage to release her. Even in the dark, he could make out her shaking body and her tear-stained cheeks. She was crying. 

Derek snapped.

Derek stormed up to the office, racing up the stairs because his temper wouldn’t leave the elevator without casualties and right now he couldn’t waste any energy when he already had a target in mind. He slammed the doors open to the empty bullpen, but a quick glance told him that Hotch was still in his office. He practically flew across the room, insistent on getting Hotch to fix whatever bureaucratic horseshit he was too stupid to get out of. Oh, Derek was absolutely going to get that fucking Unit Chief to sit the fuck down and for once in his goddamn life listen to what-

Derek froze at the door, arm raised to slam it open. Inside, he could hear a woman’s soothing tones, purring softly, “It’s okay. Everything’s okay. Things will be alright. You did everything you could. She’s going to be alright. There’s nothing more you could have done. We all still love you. It’s okay.” Emily’s voice was softer than he’d ever heard, but that wasn’t what had stopped him.

His anger had drained, leaving him hollow. He lost all volition as soon as he heard the other voice, the one much shakier and monotonous than the first. A tear trailed down Derek’s cheek as he realized, heart cold, what the low murmuring was saying. The other voice repeated a cool, self-deprecating mantra he recognized all too well.

_“This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault.” ___


	117. S6E3- Remembrance of Things Past

“There’s nothing more sad than old people,” Emily said. Morgan looked at the woman seated across from him on the plane worriedly.

“How’s that?” Reid asked, fiddling with a Rubix cube they’d picked up at the dollar store on the way to the airstrip. He’d already solved it several times over in the past few minutes, but it was fun to mess with. In an almost childlike manner, he’d found himself attracted to the colors.

“Oh, you know,” she said. “If they’re old and mean, it’s sad to see someone so hateful after so many years of living in this world full of love. If they’re old and nice, it’s sad to see someone so full of love after so many years of living in this world full of hate.”

Morgan shrugged. “One of the only things I find sad is old people sitting alone at restaurants.” Emily smiled and pointed at the agent, pleased with his addition.

“Perhaps you’re both just afraid that you’ll end up purposeless and alone, without meaning to anyone anymore,” Reid said.

“Aren’t you?”

“I guess. But I suppose if I waste time thinking about how much of my life I’m wasting, I’m wasting more time doing that.” Reid paused, letting his hands fall into his lap, still slowly spinning the colorful cube. “If you think about it, humanity’s most universal fears are rather odd. It’s inevitable that we’ll become old and obsolete, just as it’s inevitable that we’ll all die. Despite these blaringly obvious facts, we all still seem to fear what’s to come.”

Emily nodded slowly, processing the genius’s observations. “I guess it all just stems from a fear of change.”

The trio tried desperately to avoid staring at the empty corner where JJ would usually sit.


	118. S6E4- Compromising Positions

“Hotch, I had to, I’m sorry,” Emily apologized as the sheet-covered James was rolled out of the bar. “He was going for his-“

“I know, I saw,” Hotch said. “You did well. No one else was injured.”

Emily nodded, relieved she wasn’t going to catch much heat for this. “Thanks, Hotch.”

He put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “When we get back to Virginia, you’re going to be out of the field for a few days. If you want you can just stay home.”

“What?” she stiffened. She whirled to face him, her voice rising. “Hotch, I’m fine.”

“I know,” he said, keeping his tone calm. “This is just a precaution.”

“A precaution? A precaution against what?”

“Just to ensure that you get the rest you need. It’s alright, everything’s fine.”

She threw her hand off of her. “I know everything’s fine, Hotch! I’m fine!”

“Emily, please. I’m ordering this because I don’t want me to-“ he was interrupted as she shoved him out of the way, storming out of the bar angrily. He sighed and pointedly didn’t look at where she left.

Morgan walked up cautiously. “What was that all about?”

“I don’t know. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

Morgan placed his hand on the Unit Chief’s arm. “Hey, man. It’s going to be alright. She’s not Elle. She’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” he answered, his voice small. He didn’t want to lose her.

The two agents stood in the middle of the empty bar, wallowing in the strange feelings that came with being isolated in a normally busy place, silently sharing intimate memories of the woman they both saw unravel, pleading the universe that they wouldn’t have to watch that again.


	119. S6E5- Safe Haven

Derek was sitting down in the bullpen, his eyes flitting over the words on the file in his hands but not reading any of it. A cold hand gently rubbed his shoulder and he looked up.

Emily smiled. “She’ll be okay. She’s got you looking after her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey in case anyone forgot, this is bc of that one kid who starts following morgan around after her dad dies


	120. S6E6- Devil's Night

“Who is it?” Hotch answered the knock on the door, smiling down at his son, who was currently emptying the contents of the Unit Chief’s go bag to use as a place to store candy to match his costume.

“Emily!” the woman’s voice was muffled from the opposite side of the door, but her voice still had her light and cheery tone.

“Wanna go open the door for Miss Emily?” Hotch asked.

Jack bobbed his head in bubbly assent and led the way to the door. By the time he reached the door handle, his father had undone both locks. “Miss Em’ly!” the boy greeted, gesturing for the tall woman to crouch down and give him a hug.

She happily obliged, reveling in the small child’s eagerness to see her. “Wow!” she said, gasping at the disheveled suit. “What’s this?”

Jack spun around delightedly. “I’m Daddy! He’s the best superhero!”

“That’s right!” Emily laughed, glancing up at the Unit Chief, who couldn’t contain his smile. “You didn’t get him to wear a costume?”

Jack frowned and it took all of Emily’s self control to not burst out laughing at the miniature Hotchner Glower. “He didn’t wanna wear anything. He said it was just for kids.”

“Pssh, yeah right.” She squinted at Hotch before leaning close to the boy’s ear and whispering, “It’s alright. I’ve got plenty of masks in the car and, between the two of us, he’s sure to wear one.”

Jack giggled in delight, hugging the woman once more before running to his father and raising his arms, requesting to be carried. Hotch smiled and hoisted him up, placing the boy on top of his shoulders. “You all ready to go?” he asked. The child nodded vigorously and pointed to the emptied go bag. Hotch grabbed it and the trio left the apartment. “Thanks for the last minute ride,” he whispered.

“Oh, it’s no problem. Henry had a bit of a costume issue, but JJ and Will should be ready by the time I drop you boys off,” Emily said as they walked downstairs. She looked above Hotch’s head to Jack who’d begun playing with his dad’s cowlicks. “They live in a neighborhood with lots of big houses, so you and your dad are gonna get a lot of candy,” she informed.

“Aren’t you coming trick or treating too, Miss Em’ly?” Jack asked, tilting his head to the side. Emily looked at the older Hotchner, who had an eyebrow quirked, affirming the invitation.

She smiled. “Of course!”


	121. S6E7- Middle Men

Emily looked over at the man sitting next to her on the plane. “Do you think it helped?”

Hotch sighed, closing his files. “I’m not sure anything can help.”


	122. S6E8- Reflections

Penelope smiled as the audience applauded. She found it hard to avoid looking at her family.

Emily and Morgan were hooting and shouting, screaming her name. Penelope nearly laughed at loud as she saw people giving the pair strange looks. Despite the unprofessionalism, she’d honestly rather burst out laughing than submit to the tears threatening to ruin her makeup at their support. 

Reid was clapping his hands against a book; apparently he’d bought the original work beforehand and had probably read it during intermission. Penelope gasped as she saw his cheeks were stained with tears, her heart swelling with pride as she realized her performance had made the young genius cry. If that wasn’t considered a feat, she didn’t know what was.

Rossi had many bouquets in the seat next to him and had handed one to both Morgan and Emily, who began removing the roses and throwing them at the stage. Penelope couldn’t remember the last time she’d experienced such genuine fatherly affection from someone. She made a mental note to arrange flowers to be sent to his office every day for the next month at least.

At last she locked eyes with Hotch. Her breath hitched as she watched him applaud proudly. It was rare Aaron Hotchner would show much more than a grunt of acknowledgement when pleased, so seeing him express his support and admiration in such a candid way had her practically frozen in surprise. 

She hadn’t realized how much his approval meant to her until he actually showed it. 

Penelope beamed in the spotlight. Her costar took her hand and they bowed together, while cheers and howls continued to erupt from the audience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my excuse for writing this poorly is that i should've had to write it in the first place. why did we not get to see them interact afterwards??


	123. S6E9- Into the Woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything from here to s7 was all written in mexico so if there's any disparity, it's because the first draft was on paper and i tend to write differently

Hotch took a rain check on Prentiss’s bottle of liquor (though he had to admit that the thought of drinking tequila that day made him a little queasy) and Morgan was more than happy to take on some of the Unit Chief’s paperwork (Hotch didn’t need to be a profiler to predict Prentiss’s tequila would still find its way into two woefully unprepared stomachs tonight), so Hotch was still able to get back soon enough to pick up Jack from school. Of course, even with both Morgan and Prentiss relieving him of the time sensitive files (the Section Chief wouldn’t even allow significant files to be turned in the following morning), he’d still have an overwhelming amount of tedious paperwork to fill out tomorrow, meaning a late, late, late, possible early morning, night at the office, during which he’d inevitably accept Prentiss’s offer of the remaining tequila bottle (assuming there was a still any left—but there would most certainly be alcohol consumed that night, one way or another), after which he’d feel doubly miserable both from the tequila (as loathe as he was to admit to his drinking companion that he didn’t have the stomach for even the high quality brands she insisted on buying) and for not being there to tell his son goodnight, leaving Jessica at his apartment all night to babysit once again. The tall man crossed his arms and leaned back on his car, sighing at the shitstorm Strauss that was inevitably going to come crashing down on him for leaving work early without a seven-day notice.

But it was all worth it to have his son excitedly, joyfully, lovingly run into his arms.


	124. S6E10- What Happens at Home...

Emily set aside the files to refill the pair’s glasses, pausing a moment to glance up at the Unit Chief, who had his hands clasped together and his brow furrowed. “What is it?” she asked, painfully aware of each subtle indicator of a mood of intense self-loathing.

After a moment’s pause, not long enough to prompt her to press further, but each passing second further solidifying her assessment, Hotch answered. “It’s my fault, you know. I shouldn’t have trusted some ambitious, glorified gated-community security officer to narrow down our suspects—we knew that. And I should’ve seen the real reason Ashley wanted to accompany us in person.”

Emily pursed her lips, knowing from experience that there was nothing she could say to convince Hotch otherwise; he was too deep in the pit of self-despair for words to do any good. Instead, she leaned over the desk, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it gently. When she let go, she slid the scotch until the cool glass tickled the hair on his knuckles.

He smiled grimly, accepting the glass and, by extension, her promise of unwavering loyalty. “You’re an excellent profiler, Emily Prentiss.” _I don’t know what we’d do without you _, was left unsaid.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey Lauren gives me lots of emotionsso basically everything is foreshadowing thtat soooo


	125. S6E11- 25 To Life

“Hang on, buddy. Daddy’s gotta get the phone.” Aaron took a moment to fondly ruffle his son’s hair before scowling into his cell, praying it wasn’t a case. “Hotchner,” his voice instantly transforming from a kindly father to a serious agent.

“Hey Hotch! It’s me, Emily.”

His lips quirked involuntarily at the sound of her voice. “Hey, what’s up? Do you need something?” He still feared the arrival of a new case. He knew she’d gone into the office to wrap up some paperwork this morning, so if something had come through her it was likely a kidnapping case, probably a local one. Aaron didn’t think he could deal with-

“I’m fine,” she blessedly interrupted his thoughts. “We actually just wrapped up a case.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. Having fun babysitting?”

“Seaver’s amazing, I’ll have you know. She’s smart and intuitive, but she’s very compassionate. She’s going to be a great agent,” Emily defended against his teasing.

“Sounds like someone I know,” the compliment was out of his mouth before he could stop it. While Emily sat silent on the other end, blushing, Aaron quickly checked to make sure Jack was out of earshot. “I heard about Mary. Are you alright?”

Emily sighed. “Rossi?” She accurately took his silence as confirmation. “It was fine. I mean, it’s always hard to have someone die in your arms, but I’ve been through worse.”

“We all have,” he sympathized. “You’re sure you’re alright?”

“Well, I wouldn’t complain if I never had to wash a victim’s blood off my hands again, but I’m afraid that’d put me out of a job.”

Aaron snorted, but refrained from pressing further. He’d always been a fan of her dark humor. “If you need anything…”

“Actually,” Aaron blinked, surprised she hadn’t brushed the offer aside, “I could use some company.”

He smiled, pleased he could help his friend. “Feel free to come by. I’m sure Jack wouldn’t mind another playmate. One with more endurance.”

“Really?” he laughed at the almost childish laughter in her voice.

He turned the phone to his son, who was happily shoveling spoonfuls of mac ‘n cheese in his mouth. “Hey, Jack. Would it be alright if Miss Emily came over to play?”

The boy perked up at the name of dad’s nice friend with the cool cat. “Yes, yes, yes!” he squealed delightedly.

Aaron smiled, putting the phone back to his ear and wishing more than anything that he could see Emily’s undoubtedly flustered face. “Looks like you’re all set to come over. But I’m afraid I’ll have to remain sober this evening.”

“That’s alright; I’ve got something else in mind, anyway. Is banana bread still the Hotchner favorite?”

Aaron’s grin stretched from ear to ear. And the world hadn’t seen anything like it.

-

Neither geniuses needed to use their unique intellectual skillsets to know they would find Derek Morgan sulking with a bottle of beer that the BAU’s usual bar. The two agents ambushed the startled man, each clinging to an arm. “Hey!” Derek looked between Spencer and Penelope, who were both grinning broadly. “What’s up, you guys?”

“Oh, nothing,” Penelope replied in a cheery, singsong voice. “We just wanted to keep a local sad man company.”

Derek looked to Spencer, who nodded seriously. “It’s a frequent pastime. We find it quite enjoyable.”

“It’s for charity,” Penelope added,” resting her head on Derek’s shoulder and batting her eyelashes dramatically. “Sometimes it takes some arm-twisting for them to accept our freely offered kindness.”

Derek laughed. “Who wouldn’t appreciate you guy’s company? Bring me the next one who gives you any trouble and I’ll be happy to do the arm-twisting.”

The three chuckled and Derek waved for more drinks. Spencer took the lapse in conversation as an opportunity. “It wouldn’t have been your fault.”

“What?”

“If he had ended up being a killer like everyone thought and you released him for parole. It wouldn’t have been your fault.”

“Tell that to Strauss,” Derek huffed into the bottle as he took another swig of beer.

“You’re an amazing profiler,” Penelope said, squeezing his arm. “We’re not defined by our mistakes. Don’t be so afraid to make a couple. It would’ve been easy to write it off as another murder, but you questioned him. Because of that, a man got to see his son for the first time in 25 years.”

Penelope feared he pulled his arm from them in dismissal, but instead Derek clutched her hand firmly. He reached for Spencer’s hand as well and squeezed tightly. “I love you guys. You know that, right?”

Spencer grinned. “You tell us every day.”

-

“You now it’s a federal crime to drink alcohol on government property.”

David sat across from Erin’s desk. “You’ll make an exception,” he said, pouring two glasses of exceptional whiskey.

“I always do, Dave,” she sighed dramatically as she accepted the drink rather quickly for someone who just chastised him for it.

The pair drank in silence for a few moments. “I know I was wrong,” Erin blurted. Dave raised his glass in humble acknowledgement, but said nothing.

The silence stretched for a few moments longer.

“Why does it seem like everyone on that damn team hates me?”

Dave shrugged. “Probably because everyone on that ‘damn team’ does hate you.” She huffed. “Erin, come on. You’ve known since it began that the BAU has always been a family. And, purposefully or no, you’ve hurt their family. You sent JJ away, which Spencer will never forgive you for, you’re a hardass on Derek, I don’t know what happened with Emily, but she certainly doesn’t trust you. And all that shit you pulled with Aaron? It’s ridiculous! It may be easier to list the reasons they _don’t _hate you.”__

__“And do you?”_ _

__“Do I?”_ _

__“Hate me?”_ _

__David gave her a look. “Erin. I’ve known you way too long to hate you.” He paused. “Aaron doesn’t hate you, either. He has too much self respect to be as petty as that.”_ _

__She nodded thoughtfully, her stiffening pride preventing her from bending her head more than a couple inches in acknowledgement. “I’m only trying to do what’s best for the Bureau.”_ _

__“Maybe so,” he refilled their glasses. “But it wasn’t always that way, and the team knows it.”_ _

__The Section Chief slowly but steadily emptied the contents of the glass, allowing the burning liquid to slide smoothly down her throat, taking comfort in the tingling that accompanied the expensive alcohol. When she finally spoke, Dave didn’t think she was capable of sounding so vulnerable. “Do you think they’ll ever forgive me?”_ _

__-_ _

__Far to the east, in the woods of North Korea, a storm was brewing._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had too many ideas for this one so... this is what happened


	126. S6E12- Corazon

“Hey, what’s up?” Emiliy set down her empty shot ‘glass’ next to the discarded and nearly forgotten files. (“They do shots in Miami,” she’d defended. “It’s on theme.” He’d sighed, but reluctantly began pouring the clear liquid into the miniature plastic cups she’d brought.) “You seem distracted. And you’re not complaining about the vodka shots nearly as much as you usually do.”

Hotch stretched his lips into a thin line, torn between a grin and a grimace. He was constantly amazed by how easily she read him. Only Rossi was her equal. But Rossi usually didn’t bug him at 11pm after their fourth shot of vodka. Usually. “I’m worried about Reid,” he admitted. “The job is taking its toll and I don’t want to lose him.”

Emily reached for his hand and he allowed himself to take comfort in the now familiar gesture, intertwining their fingers: his warm and calloused, hers cold and smooth. “You won’t lose him,” she stated with so much confidence that he was actually willing to believe her. “You won’t lose any of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this basically the same as the other one? maybe. do i give a fuck? maybe. will i do anything about it? absolutely fucking not


	127. S6E13- The Thirteenth Step

“Where’s Prentiss?” Hotch asked as he made his rounds collecting completed paperwork and distributing new files before the rest of the team left. She almost never left this early.

“She took off pretty quickly,” Morgan said. He smirked. “She was wearing her fancy undercover dress she keeps in her go bag. Maybe she was late for a date?”

Hotch quirked an eyebrow. _A date? ___

__“Maybe an attractive, Scottish date all the way from Paris,” Garcia added._ _

__“Penelope Garcia, do you know something I don’t?” Morgan swiveled to face the bubbly tech analyst._ _

__“Always, sugar,” she teased. “Some guy with a hot accent called for her. Emily certainly seemed interested.”_ _

__Hotch nodded. “Will one of you ask for the paperwork for crime scene AA-23?” He turned and left the sultry pair to their endless banter, not wanting to hear anymore of their speculations._ _

__Nonetheless, he could ignore the sinking pit in his stomach. He shook his head, trying to avoid attributing his unease to Emily’s dating life. Surely it was none of his business._ _

__Then why couldn’t he shake the feeling that something horrible was about to happen?_ _


	128. S6E14- Sense Memory

Reid’s eyebrows rose as Rossi collapsed into a chair at the station, cradling his head in his hands. “Are you alright?” he expressed concern for the senior agent.

The elder man leaned back in his chair and tilted his head up towards the ceiling, his eyes shut tight. “Ugh, remind me to never, under any circumstances, get into a car chase with Aaron Hotchner.”

Reid snorted. “If you can’t handle ’10 and 2’ Hotchner, don’t even think about even getting into a car with Derek Morgan.”


	129. S6E15- Today I Do

Hotch locked eyes with both Reid and Morgan after Prentiss left prematurely yet again. Both agents looked concerned. The Unit Chief shrugged exasperatedly. She hadn’t even given them the chance to ask what was wrong.


	130. S6E16- Coda

Seaver walked over as she saw her mentor packing. “Hey,” she smiled down at the older agent. “Wanna play a round with me and Rossi before taking off?”

Emily stood up and set her bag on the desk, glancing briefly to smile at the young agent. “I’m sorry, Ashley, I can’t tonight. Kick his ass for me.”

“All right, but don’t complain when he shows up tomorrow all pouty,” the blonde waved cheerily as she bounded off.

Emily grinned, watching her practically skip to Rossi’s. She looked across at Reid. “What about you? Any plans tonight?”

The scruffy haired genius looked up from his nearly completed stack of paperwork. “No. I’m probably going to keep watching those Doctor Who reruns.”

“Without me? What season are you on?”

“Four.”

Emily clicked her tongue. I’m afraid you’ve left me behind. Do something else while I catch up. Get a new hobby.”

“Like what?” Reid asked quizzically. He wasn’t exactly one for ‘new hobbies.’

She shrugged and gave him a knowing smirk. “I dunno. Piano?” She left the genius to consider the suggestion and made a quick stop at a certain tech analyst’s office.

“Hey, sweet pea. What brings you to the sugar tree?” Garcia asked, bubbly and bright as ever.

Emily pulled out a dvd case and waved it. “Princess Bride. You wanted to show Derek, right?”

Penelope gasped as she grabbed for the movie. “Emily Prentiss, have I ever told you how much I love you?”

Emily accepted the embrace. “Only every waking moment.”

“You wanna watch it with us?” she asked giddily.

“Can’t. Already have plans. See ya,” she ignored Penelope’s suggestive smirk, barely suppressing a wince as she made a beeline for the elevators to avoid her questioning gaze. It wasn’t quite a lie, but she wanted to avoid making it any more complicated.

“Headed home early again?”

Emily froze and turned to face her Unit Chief. “Hotch, I swear I’m going to finish that paperwork. I’ve just been swamped.”

“Anything I can help with?”

Emily grimaced internally at his genuine concern. Not telling him was killing her, but she knew if she told it would be the same as killing him. So she lied. “No, it’s all good. Hey, you should go home early tonight, too.”

He didn’t seem to notice her deflection. “Oh?”

Emily gave him a sympathetic look, reaching up and tugging lightly on his suit collar. Kid cases are hard. Do see your son.”

Hotch nodded, thankful for her advice. “When things cool down a bit you should come out with me and Jack. He misses you.” The distracted profiler didn’t pick up the hinted meaning: I miss you.

Emily plastered on a smile, instinctively utilizing her undercover skills to conceal her regret. She never thought she'd have to lie to people she loved so dearly. “I’ll be there.”


	131. S6E17- Valhalla

_This is all your fault. ___


	132. S6E18- Lauren

Emily stood in front of the bathroom mirror, leaning heavily on the counter, stripped down to her underwear. The curtains were shut despite the wonderful view of the city of love and the doors and windows were triple locked with delicately triggered alarms ready to alert her to any intruder. She’d normally mock someone for being so ridiculously paranoid, but considering the last few months she’s had, she figured she’d earned the right to be a little extra cautious. Especially with Doyle still out there.

With Doyle still out there. She shuddered at the thought. It hadn’t been two weeks since her encounter with her old nemesis and she already felt she was going mad. The only thing worse than dying was being alone. She’d grown accustomed to having a family over the past four years. But when trouble rose it’s ugly head, she’d run. She didn’t know what else to do. Maybe she’d gotten used to working as a team, but her instincts had prevailed despite all reasoning.

God, why had she been so stupid? Why hadn’t she just gone to Hotch? She didn’t know what made her hide everything. Was it pride? Clyde was so sure that he could get them out of this, and she’d been foolish enough to believe him. Then again, did she really trust anyone even more? She could blame her old Unit Chief for convincing her that they could get Doyle again, but she never would have believed him if she hadn’t believed it herself. Was it fear? She’d gone to the bar with one mission: to kill Doyle. But she’d be lying if she said she was surprised when she woke up in that warehouse. She’d really been naïve enough to think that maybe, just maybe, if Doyle had Lauren again, he’d leave them alone. But she’d taken his family, so of course he’d want to take hers.

Family. Did she even have a family anymore? Even if they somehow pulled through all this and she could go home, was there a home to return to? Would they want her back? She stared at herself in the mirror. Her face was weary. Her hair was ragged; she hadn’t showered in at least three days. It probably wasn’t good for her wound, but she found she didn’t care enough to actually do something about it. She hadn’t been eating or drinking well, evident in her defined ribs, bony limbs, and colorless, chapped lips. Her eyes were hollow and shadowed by dark circles from lack of sleep. She hadn’t looked this bad since the months following the events in Rome, back when she doubted her very existence. Here she was, doing it again. Would they want her back??

Her dreams of late had not been pleasant. They’d been plagued with blond haired boys, running in circles around her. She’d wake up calling out to Declan and Jack, reaching for the children she loved as if they were her own, but unable to reach them. When she wasn’t crying for her lost boys, Doyle haunted her nightmares. A pain seared through her chest, ripping apart her heart from the inside. She’d jolt awake, clutching at the clover that branded her chest. She knew how to deal with scars, but she couldn’t stand being permanently crested to something less than human.

Without even realizing what she was doing, she found a knife in her hands. She blinked in a dull imitation of surprise. The knife was one of many weapons she kept littered around the barren apartment she was using as a temporary base until... until what? The gleaming blade reflected the bathroom light as she slowly rotated the knife in her hand, turning it over in an attempt to familiarize herself with the new handle. The faux leather was reminiscent of the knife she used all those years ago after Rome to create clean-cut scars that had long since faded. 

Until what? Her old friends--as if she had the right to call them that anymore--would have no luck finding her old nemesis. But would Doyle continue hunting them? Assuming the plan was successful and he had no knowledge of her survival, would he be content to merely let them live or would he enact his revenge on her family before attempting to find that sweet little boy? Perhaps all of their suffering would cease if she took her own life before another monster got the chance. Surely her life was nothing worth fighting for. 

She could’ve laughed at how easily she slipped into her old mindset. How many times had that happened already in the past month? Too many to count, surely. In an ironic twist that could only happen in stories, she seemed to be regressing. First her recent past seeped into her new job, and now she was standing in front of a bathroom mirror with a knife to her wrist. After everything she’d gone through, was this what she wanted? No. Because then he would win. He would still watch her fall and she would never get up again. With a familiar ferocity, the kind so ingrained in our bones it was pure primitive rage, she gathered her waning strength and rose. 

She looked in the mirror, her eyes fixated on that mark. That one fucking mark that seemed to go deeper than her skin, deeper than her flesh. He’d branded her very soul. She’d never be free as long as his stain remained. She gripped the knife, her knuckles whitening as they tightened around the hilt. She gingerly brought the knife to her chest, starting just over the tattoo. She had screamed when Doyle branded her. She’d rather die than scream for him again.

She barely nicked herself, flinching as blood started trickling down her breast. It hurt more than she had imagined and all the pain from Rome and beyond came rushing back. Wincing, she glanced at the closed medicine cabinet, envisioning the bottle of painkillers she was given if the stomach wound ended up being any trouble. The stinging in her chest hadn’t subsided. She narrowed her eyes and firmly made her decision. She had to do this.

She carefully picked at the loose skin, her fingers nearly slipping with the blood. The thick liquid pooled at the new wound as she began gently pulling at the skin, using the knife to cut in a circle around the tattoo. She wasn’t pulling off all the layers of her skin, but it was enough to painfully sever the tender nerves tickling the surface. The shooting pang was nearly overwhelming, but she steeled against it. She’d suffered more agony in the past two weeks with this branded on her than she thought she’d ever been able to withstand. If she had to walk through fire to get this fucking mark off, she’d do it. Anything to get it off. Get it off. Get it off.

The skin was pulled half off the circle when her vision started to go blurry. Get it off. The blood completely covered her torso. Get it off. Every time she sawed at the skin with the knife, the blackness around the edges of her eyesight crept closer. Get it off. The pain was unbearable. Get it off. Her chest was throbbing. Get it off. Her ears were ringing and muffled all at the same time. Get it off. She could hear her heart pounding desperately. Get it off. Her stomach was starting to ache. Get it off. She tasted the sour tang of bile in the back of her throat. Get it off.

She knew she couldn’t handle much more. Her patience had run thin. She ignored her bloodstained hands and grabbed the loose skin tightly before tearing the remaining circle off of her flesh, bringing her other hand to her mouth and biting it roughly to keep herself from screaming. The branded skin slapped unceremoniously onto the cool ceramic sink, the noise itself nearly making her gag. It was over. It was over.

It was over. She sank to the floor, her legs weak from keeping her standing so long--the longest she’d attempted since her surgery--and her head woozy from her self-harm. But it wasn’t self-harm, was it? A weight had been lifted off her shoulders, yet it felt like so much more. It was as if a giant blanket of despair that had been suffocating her, muffling the world around her, was gone. She could feel. Fuck, she could feel everything. The fluorescent apartment bathroom lights burned her eyes; the distant traffic from the streets below rang in her ears; the cool tile burned against her feverishly warm flesh; the rotting, metallic stench of her own blood flooded her nostrils; she could taste the coppery liquid coating her mouth from when she bit her hand. Her eyelashes fluttered, threatening to close. But no--she had to experience all of it.

Because it was more than just her senses. She felt the love for her family. Derek was probably furious at her. He’d learned a long time ago how to be mad at the dead, since it was so much easier than the helplessness of grief. Penelope would be beyond miserable, trying so hard to overcompensate by showing everyone how much they meant to her. JJ knew, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t be wracked with guilt as she hid the truth from the people she loved. God, Spencer would be so distraught; she wasn’t the first person to leave him and neither of them were naive enough to think she would be the last. Coming back would be a dream come true for him, but also his worst nightmare. Dave would keep going. He was the strong one—he’d have to for the others. But he would be suffering quietly as well. And Aaron…Aaron knew. JJ said so. He would blame himself for everything. There was no doubt in her mind that he would lock himself away, allowing the guilt to fester inside him. He would make sure everyone knew they could go to him to talk, not that any of them would, but that was part of the punishment in a way. But not him. Oh no, he wouldn’t allow himself to find solace in anyone, thinking he didn’t deserve it. That stupid, stupid man.

Did Jack know? Declan wouldn’t remember her, but Jack knows what it’s like to lose someone. He’s so young, but he’d already been through so much. Aaron couldn’t have told him, not after Haley. Her boys… her boys had each a dead mother and a broken father. And they shared a woman foolish enough to cry for them both. She could see both boys, clear as day, dancing in front of her.

Her eyes flitted shut. Her blood had run off her naked body onto the floor into a small pool, the warm, sticky liquid clinging to form, as if trying to protect her from the cold tile. She hadn’t noticed she’d been shivering until she stopped, too weak from whatever malady was keeping her down. But it wouldn’t for long. She would rise. She felt something deeper than sleep reach its tendrils through her, lulling her away from consciousness. With her exposed flesh on her breast pulsating torturously, she fell into the darkness’s embrace.

She would rise.


	133. S6E19- With Friends Like These...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...who needs anemones!!

“Emily.”

Hotch looked up at the whispering. Everyone else on the plane was asleep.

“Emily, please don’t go.”

The Unit Chief looked over at the mumbling genius whose close eyes were flitting about rapidly, the haunted name murmured through barely moving lips.

“Not you too.”

Gently, so as not to wake him, Hotch reached and held onto Reid’s hand. The mumbling stopped, but he continued scrunching his face in his never-ending nightmare. His fingers innately curled around the Unit Chief’s hand.


	134. S6E20- Hanley Waters

“Dave?” Hotch rapped his knuckles on the open door. The Unit Chief had been distributing files around the empty bullpen when he’d noticed Rossi’s office light. The senior agent didn’t usually stay so late.

The older man’s face wrinkled into a kindly smile (too kindly, Hotch thought) as he gestured to the seat across from him where a glass of clear, presumably alcoholic liquid was already waiting for him. “Sit,” he invited, though it was no mere request. Hotch sunk into the chair nervously, knowing too well he was walking into a trap.

“Dace, I already did an assessment.” The lie came easily, but Hotch was desperate. He absolutely did not want to talk about this. He knew he couldn’t play this game forever, not with a bunch of trained profilers.

“I know.” Did he? “This is just between you and me.”

Hotch pulled a face as he took a sip from his drink. “Is this vodka?” Dave abhorred vodka.

Rossi grimaced as he went to refill the pair of empty glasses. “I remember it was one of Emily’s favorites. Can’t imagine why,” he mumbled, squinting down at the clear liquid. He’d even gotten special vodka glasses.

Hotch chuckled. “You got the wrong brand. This is good for shots, not sipping. Especially not by itself.” The correction came automatically.

Rossi arched an eyebrow and Hotch instantly regretted existing. “You were never a fan of vodka, either,” he prompted.

“Yeah, well Prentiss managed to refine my palate some.”

Rossi noted the younger agent’s distinct choice to avoid her first name. “Good girl. She didn’t quite manage to turn you onto tequila, did she? That one’s a shame,” he said mournfully. It occurred to Hotch that Emily and Rossi had also been close; they’d frequently paired off at the bar to drink and chat. Considering how much Rossi usually despised ‘chatting’ and all the emotionally vulnerability it entailed at bars, he must’ve been quite fond of her.

Rossi sensed the profiler studying him and quickly continued. “I know you went to go visit her.”

Hotch froze. Had he really lost this soon? “What?”

“There were flowers on her grave this morning. Derek’s been keeping Penelope away for the past couple weeks, Spencer could barely make it to the funeral, JJ’s overseas, and none of her family or friends were close enough to leave flowers. Not to mention they were the same flowers you gave Emily a couple years ago.”

David Rossi, distinguished profiler that he was, hadn’t noticed Hotch relax as he brought up their friend’s grave. Realizing he wasn’t out of hot water yet, Hotch fixated on his hands, reluctant to share his grief, even with Dave. But he knew retreating would only make Dave pry even more, and Hotch couldn’t withstand excessive pressure from his mentor without snapping. “I’ve been leaving her flowers everyday,” he admitted.

“Aaron, why do you keep blaming yourself?” Rossi continued at the younger man’s confused yet defensive glare. “I’ll admit that these assessments would’ve one poorly had Erin conducted them, but I know that’s not the only reason you’re doing them. You think her death was your fault and you think that you should suffer through everyone else’s grief as punishment.”

Hotch was ready to deflect, but he found he couldn’t directly defy Rossi’s ‘don’t give me a bullshit answer’ look. He sighed. “She was in my office after almost every case for four years. I’ve spent more time with her than anyone else. I’ve seen her completely and utterly wasted—on multiple occasions. But I still couldn’t tell what kind of past she was hiding. How could I not see?” His grip tightened around his glass, his knuckles white. “She was here, Dave. She was here and I let her go. I can’t help but think if only I’d tightened my grip, refused to let her go, she’d still be with us. Instead I let her slip through my fingers. Now she’s gone.”

Rossi sat in silence, unable to say anything to ease the man’s pain. With a sudden wretch in his gut, he realized Emily would’ve known exactly what to say. Rossi’s thoughts were scattered and unfocused, incapable of dealing with a second man’s grief, and Hotch just sat before him, refusing to make eye contact and staring intently at his empty glass.

David Rossi cried.


	135. S6E21- The Stranger

Seaver was practically bouncing in her seat. Morgan smirked. Seeing that kind of enthusiasm was a welcome relief from the team’s now constant state of gloom.

Seaver noticed the other agent watching and took the opportunity to share her excitement. “Hey, did you guys wanna go see another movie? Maybe Rossi and Hotch can join us this time.”

“I don’t do… movies,” Rossi added from the seat behind her.

Across from Rossi, Hotch agreed. “They’re overcrowded, overpriced, and highly overrated,” he complained before returning to his files.

Wincing at the crestfallen agent, Morgan leaned in to whisper, “Don’t beat yourself up about it. We can drag Rossi out to drinks sometime. He almost always comes to those.”

“And Hotch?” she mirrored his hushed voice.

He grimaced. “Emily was the only one who could get him to do anything with us. But if you can get him to come, I’ll go see a movie with you every night for a month, my treat,” he added, hoping to cheer her up. She beamed.

They never went to the movies.


	136. S6E22- Out of Light

“David Rossi is going to help Aaron Hotchner coach Jack’s soccer team?” Morgan asked the bullpen incredulously.

Seaver’s laughter was cut short as Rossi clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Yep. You guys wanna watch? There’s a game next Saturday.”

“Is Hotch going to be wearing a suit?” Reid asked almost nervously.

“Jeans and a tee shirt.”

Garcia grimaced. “I think we’ll pass. Seeing him out of a suit just seems… wrong.”


	137. S6E23- The Big Sea

Hotch didn’t look up from his files as Rossi entered his office. The older man nodded towards the bullpen, where Morgan was swinging his bag over his shoulder and all but stomping towards the elevator. “Do you want to go after him, or shall I?”

The Unit Chief kept at his work. “He’ll be alright,” he dismissed.

“You know, Emily’s not here to babysit anymore,” Rossi said.

A flinch. Hotch continued his filling out his files. “What does Prentiss have to do with this?”

Rossi ignored the way Hotch spat out the name ‘Prentiss.’ “I’m the one they go to for grandfatherly advice. You’re the one they go to for reliable, unbiased feedback. Emily,” he placed special emphasis on her first name, “was the one they went to for emotional support. I’m sorry to say it, kid, but we’re gotta pick up the slack.”

Rossi frowned when his easy-going demeanor, meant to disarm cold scowls, was met with a solid wall. “They survived before her, they’ll live without her.”

The senior agent was getting tired of Hotch’s callousness. It was getting difficult to tell how much of it was even a façade anymore. Rossi generally considered himself a patient man, but the way the Unit Chief kept scribbling on his paperwork was infuriating. “Does Jack miss her?”

That got his attention. Hotch set down his pen. “You have no right.”

Rossi knew it was cruel to bring up the son just to pry a private man’s lips open, but he needed to hear Hotch grieve, if only to validate his own. “I know she helped with Jack, especially after Haley. Does he miss her? Or has he learned to live without her?”

“Stop.” Dave inhaled sharply as he realized there were tears in Hotch’s eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but Aaron cut him off, speaking gruffly. “Get out of my office.”


	138. S6E24- Supply and Demand

Hotch gazed out into the bullpen. He was surprised to find himself thankful for the reassignment. Lying to his friends everyday wasn’t something he thought he could handle. But when Emily came back, everything would be right again. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was supposed to be way longer but i got lazy :/


	139. S7E1- It Takes a Village

The team, after several hours of joyful reunion, disbanded and went their own ways. JJ went home and cradled her son, while her partner Will noticed a weight lifted from her shoulders that he hadn’t even realized she carried. Spencer, for the first time in months, was free from the whispered relief promised by the old familiar syringe as he sat in his apartment playing broken scales on the piano he hadn’t touched in seven months. Penelope adored on the black cat that would soon be returned to his rightful owner, for the last time showering Sergio with the affection meant for a certain missing agent. Derek sat alone in his apartment, wondering why, despite the events of the last 24 hours, he was still haunted by images of his bleeding friends every time he closed his eyes. David, his feet crushed lovingly by his old dog, was draped on his bed, his last thought before snoring off to slumber being of family and friendship.

Emily found herself wandering the bullpen that had plagued her dreams for seven months. She stopped at her old desk, feeling the familiar itchy fabric of the chair and noticing with no small amount of relief that her spot had remained empty.

“I told you we could never replace you.” Aaron’s voice was instinctually deep and commanding as always, but there was a softness there that so rarely passed his lips. Emily grinned up at the Unit Chief, shaved and suited rightfully once more. He dared a smile. “You should listen to me sometime.”

The dark haired woman climbed the stairs to his office where he was resting wearily on the doorframe. Neither of them had slept in nearly two days. “Now where’s the fun in that?” she teased, leaning on the opposite side of door, taking comfort in the familiarity of their stances and surroundings.

His smile was wide and his eyes were shining, a rare combination she’d only been lucky enough to experience a handful of times. “You’re right, of course.” They both knew he relented so easily only because he was glad to see her back, but Emily certainly didn’t mind and Aaron definitely wasn’t going to point it out. He waved inside, gesturing to the bottle of surprisingly expensive vodka and pair of glasses waiting for them. “I bought it the day you left. Figured if you had decided not to come back you might need a little incentive.”

Her dark eyes welled up. “Hotch…” The profiler in him frowned slightly at her trembling voice. “You know it won’t be the same.” Her smile had faded as she fought back tears.

He tentatively brought a hand to her arm, rubbing it comfortingly. _I know. But we need you here all the same. _A grin flashed across her face at his gesture, ever so slightly leaning into his touch. Silently he led them inside his office, thankful that if one thing didn’t change, it was their ability to read each other.__


	140. S7E2- Proof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! I've actually still been posting, but only on my tumblr. That being said, we have a lot of catching up to do :) Enjoy!

The cooking lesson turned out better than David had hoped to expect.

Penelope had beamed under the Italian’s praise when he had tried her dish. She’d gone a little heavy with the spices, but that came as no surprise to anyone. She always struggled with following recipes to the letter, but the baking champion in her managed to get her to follow the important steps. Besides, it wouldn’t be Penelope Garcia without a little flair. 

Spencer’s was shockingly edible. Usually when he attempted something similar to cooking it ended in a partially poisonous slop, but they were content in pretending their surprise at his relative success was due to his tardiness. But David was overall fairly impressed that the genius had mustered whatever luck he had to create a dish resembling pasta, even if he refused to swallow his taste of it

“Are you alright?” Emily asked as the older man pretended to cough into the napkin. When she saw the contents, she grinned before patting his back and leaving him to his business.

JJ’s cooking was as motherly as to be expected. Her pasta was cooked soft out of habit and overall flavor was dulled at the reserved use of spices in her sauce. Rossi, however, didn’t have the courage to tell her.

Penelope had walked over to find the resident chef after trying a bite of JJ’s. “Needs salt,” she whispered. “Also pepperoncino.” David wasn’t sure he’d felt more proud in his life.

To everyone’s bewilderment, Derek’s was the most flavorful of the batch, even if the pasta was burnt (how did one _burn _pasta?). To David’s dismay, he’d added a few spices of his own, but even the stubborn Italian had to admit that it was delicious. Everyone had eventually swiped a bite of his out of curiosity, but Derek refused to admit where he’d learned how to properly season.__

__With a knowing acknowledgement, David allowed the smirking rebel to utilize his mother’s recipes in his traditional Italian cooking. “You think I don’t know a mother’s touch when I see it?”_ _

__Somehow astonishing and anticipated at the same time, Aaron’s was cooked perfectly. He’d followed the David’s recipe to the letter, and even Rossi was forced to admit that it might have been better than his own. No doubt the combination of his brother’s experience and Aaron’s own strict self discipline made for an excellent cook. Or at least one who could follow instructions well. David briefly considered, should he ever recover the patience to try this again, making the younger agent his personal sous chef. He decided to file that particular thought off for later._ _

__“Aaron Hotchner,” Emily cooed, impressed. “I didn’t know you could cook!” The Unit Chief blushed at the complement, ducking away from the smiling woman and refusing to make eye contact, embarrassed by his achievement._ _

__Emily’s dish was completely inedible. Somehow, even with David keeping close watch, the pasta had been overcooked until it had practically dissolved in the water. The remnant spaghetti soup was aptly paired with both burnt and undercooked pancetta that was so heavily loaded with origano that David had to retreat to the bathroom and spent several minutes scrubbing his tongue raw. Her excuse was that she never attempted to learn due to not wanting to be the society wife her mother always desired for her. Both because David Rossi had to admit he was humbled by the extent of her poor cooking skills and because she was still going through bottles of wine at a time, he pretended he didn’t see Aaron sneaking her bites of his own plate._ _

__“Holy shit, Rossi, did you actually try to eat that?” JJ was shocked. “You’re braver than I thought.” David wasn’t sure whether or not he should take offense to her genuine surprise._ _

__At the end of the night, he sat on the counter looking at his team on the table. Penelope and Derek were feeding each other bites off of each other’s plates (David only allowed it because he knew they were both fairly capable cooks and had done well that night), giggling and teasing the other members of the team mercilessly. JJ and Spencer were closer than David had seen them in months, JJ’s arm slung comfortably around the young genius’s shoulder, who leaned into the woman as the pair joyfully observed their teammates. Emily took moments of pause to refill everyone’s wine glass every time her’s was empty (which was unimaginably frequently). David was suspicious when he found his glass empty for the first time that night, looking over to find that Aaron had snuck in a rather large flask filled with something with an inevitably higher alcohol content for the pair to share. The dark haired woman had thrown herself enthusiastically into the table’s conversation, gesturing wildly and easily making her friends laugh, while Aaron sat beside her, watching her contentedly with a broad smile on his face. With a start, David realized that just because Aaron had known she was alive didn’t mean he hadn’t mourned her absence as ardently as the rest._ _

__Dave sipped his wine and would argue passionately later that there weren’t tears in his eyes that night as he watched his family laugh together once again. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea, after all._ _


	141. S7E3- Dorado Falls

Hotch was surprised to find Rossi knocking on his door. “No Emily?” The senior agent asked as he slowly stepped towards the desk.

Hotch raised an eyebrow. “Prentiss went home an hour ago, why?”

Rossi shook his head and would’ve smiled, had the circumstances of that day gone a little differently. “How was she?”

“She said she was okay,” the Unit Chief was growing more concerned as the conversation pressed on.

“Not now. I mean then. When she was away,” Rossi clarified. He stood behind the chair where Hotch’s drinking companions usually joined him, but he didn’t sit.

Hotch sighed. “She was alone. She couldn’t do anything about it. It’s not the best state of mind to be in.”

“And?”

Had be been less disciplined (and a fifteen year old), Hotch would have rolled his eyes in annoyance at the man’s prodding. Instead he stuck to a scoff. “After Foyet stabbed me, I felt so alone. I didn’t have Jack and the team was always getting called away on other missions. But Prentiss called me every day. When I came back, she helped remind me that I wasn’t alone. But when she was in Europe I couldn’t do that. Not being able to help her was…”

“We spoke, Aaron. Your grief was as real as mine; I just couldn’t recognize the difference. But all we can do is show her that we’re there for her.” Rossi’s voice was surprisingly vulnerable.

“How can we when all she’s doing is trying to help everyone else?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i headcanon that when he was in pakistan he saw her whenever he could get a break. who knows i might actually write about that at some point...


	142. S7E4- Painless

Hotch noticed the rest of the team was very careful around Reid and Morgan for the next few days, careful to not incur the wrath of either prankster. Penelope gave Reid an Einstein bobble-head, JJ went out with Morgan for coffee, and when Emily bought pastries for the team, she was sure to include chocolate sprinkled donuts.

Rossi huffed as he stared down into the bullpen where they were circled around, eating their breakfast. “We should start prank wars more often.”

Hotch shook his head solemnly. “I’m afraid the budget doesn’t allot for it. Besides, Emily brought me a danish, so I’m good.”


	143. S7E6- Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in a better world i would've written them actually going to a bar getting plastered and yet

David fumbled for his phone as he stumbled out of the hospital, somehow unable to get the damn thing to just fucking call a number. At last it began to ring, the call thankfully getting picked up almost instantly. “Emily,” he sobbed, his voice trembling.

“Rossi? Are you okay? What do you need?”

Her smooth, albeit alarmed, tone soothed him. He steadied his breaths, his voice firm once more when he spoke again. “Do you want to go to a bar and get plastered?”

“I’ll be right there.”


	144. S7E7- There's No Place Like Home

“Hey, what are you doing?” Hotch protested as two surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his waist and began shoving him towards the exit.

“Taking you to get something to eat. You haven’t eaten since yesterday and we just went through a tornado.” Emily was grinning, which drove him mad. He tried to wiggle out of her grip and instead only made himself look like a stumbling mess.

“I’m fine, Prentiss,” he hoped using her last name would make his out-of-breath plea sound more like a command. It didn’t. “Let me go!”

Morgan looked up at the scuffle, noting proudly that Emily seemed to have their Unit Chief neatly under control. “You taking him out to eat? Good, he hasn’t eaten since yesterday. Bring me back, something, alright?”

Hotch managed to flash a scowl at the agent who went back to his paperwork as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. He looked at Rossi desperately. “Me too,” the senior agent added before turning away.

Hotch huffed, feeling betrayed and abandoned. At last he relented. Emily’s grip let up when he stopped squirming, but she still kept a firm hand around his waist. She beamed up at him. “You ready?” Torn between angered at her insolence and humbled by her concern, he put on his usual furrowed brow as she led him out of the station. Her smile broadened. “Good!”


	145. S7E8- Hope

Hotch hadn’t touched his files for five minutes, instead fixing his eyes on the woman across from him, who seemed to be acting on automatic all night. “Are you alright?” he asked, his voice gentle.

Emily looked up, blinking blearily. “Yeah,” she said, flashing a small smile. Her eyes flickered, not meeting his.

“You can talk to me.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath and, for the first time, Hotch noticed her eyes were welling up. “That girl- Hope’s friend- reminded me so much of myself when I was that age. And not just because of the getup. She felt that everything was her fault and that she was an outcast because of it.”

Emily startled when she found his hands engulfing hers. He almost never initiated contact. She looked up at him. “We all blame ourselves for the tragedies of others.” His lips quirked up as he repeated her phrase from not so long ago: “I guess we’re both some kind of messed up, huh?”

This time her smile was genuine. With one hand squeezing his tightly, she used the other one to raise her glass. “To our own little support group.”

He mirrored the gesture, smiling softly.


	146. S7E9- Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Emily was grinning when she walked in the room, pausing as she noticed Hotch standing and organizing files. “Nothing tonight?”

“Strauss has been drinking again.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “Wha- I thought you said she was getting help for that.”

“Yeah, well she started again,” he closed his eyes briefly. “Morgan found out.”

“Aw, shit,” she groaned. “And you hadn’t told him.”

Hotch shook his head. “I hadn’t told any of them. He’s not exactly happy that I kept it a secret.”

“Well, you didn’t keep it a secret- she did!”

“Morgan’s-“

“Not gonna see it that way,” she finished. She sighed. “What are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to confront her about it. Do you want to come with me?”

“It’ll be a little ironic considering how much we drink, but yeah sure.” He rounded the desk and slowly walked up to her until she could feel his breath on her neck. She couldn’t stop from leaning towards him.

Delicately, he grabbed her wrist. “Poison ivy?” he asked, his voice low and teasing. She nodded, but she didn’t trust herself to say anything. He gently ran his hand over the irritated skin, barely brushing the hairs of her arm. Her breath hitched. “I’ve got an old remedy. Works on Jack like a charm. Apple cider vinegar. Then baking soda,” he murmured, though neither were really listening. Had they gotten closer? Why did he smell so good? His touch is so warm…

Emily pulled away, taking a few steps back. “I’m good, thanks. Garcia got me some rubbing alcohol. I just have to resist the temptation to scratch,” she said pointedly. She hoped he would get the message.

He looked at her mournfully. “In Europe-“ he began.

“This isn’t Europe,” she interrupted gently. “We can’t do this. Not here.” Her eyes were pleading, knowing she wouldn’t be able to resist if he asked again.

He nodded respectfully and leaned back, almost sitting on his desk. “I’m sorry.”

She struggled to think of something to say, wanting more than anything to reach out and touch him. She couldn’t. “How ‘bout you take Derek to help with Strauss? It might make things easier if you smoothed things over with him.”

His lips quirked up, grateful as ever for her advice. She knew this team so well- better than probably any of them. “I’ll do that.” He found he couldn’t be in the room with her any longer. As kind as she was being, the rejection was humiliating. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said softly, unable to resist holding up his hand and squeezing her shoulder knowingly before leaving.

Emily was left alone in the dark office, scratching at her arm.


	147. S7E10- Bittersweet Science

Emily slung her bag over her shoulder and stepped into the elevator. It wasn’t super late, but the bullpen was mostly empty. She just wanted to get home and maybe snuggle Serg for a bit.

An arm swung into the elevator, stopping it from closing as Hotch walked in. Emily looked at the Unit Chief strangely- he’d been taking the stairs since he signed up for the triathlon and he looked troubled. “Wha-“

6

The elevator number chimed. He turned to face her, cutting her off. “Emily, I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” she stuttered, startled at his apparent urgency.

5

“Look, just please don’t say anything. I need to speak. Is that okay?”

“Um, yeah I guess.” She shifted her bag nervously.

4

His confession came out in a rapid flurry, whispered low and soft. “We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last five years. And I want to say that I don’t regret a single moment of it. There might be times where I wished things had gone differently- we’ve argued far too much for my liking. But every time I see you smile it makes up for all of that. Every time I see Jack run into your arms it makes up for that.”

3

“You know no one helped more than you with Jack after Haley. I mean JJ’s a mother, for Christ’s sake, and she couldn’t get him to open up like you could. You made him smile when I was afraid I’d never see it again. You made me smile when I was afraid I wasn’t brave enough to do it again. And I will always love you for that. I will love you for the times when I thought I was nothing and somehow you managed to make me feel like I was everything. I won’t ever forget those things.”

2

“But you’re right. I don’t know how I could ever think otherwise- you’re right, you’re right, you’re right. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I couldn’t take losing you again. You’re right. We can’t do this. Neither of us could take it. I’m so sorry.”

1

Hotch fled the elevator before Emily could even open her mouth.


	148. S7E11- True Genius

“Does this ever make you feel old?”

“No.”


	149. S7E12- Unknown Subject

“I’m having a bad day.”

Instantly, every night he’d called her at three in the morning after a nightmare of Foyet flooded him, overwhelmed him. There were a lot of nights. “What can I do?”

His stomach turned as he saw her attempt another smile. “Do you want to go out for a drink?”


	150. S7E13- Snake Eyes

Emily leaned over to Hotch on the plane. “Mafia, gambling… What else has this guy done?”

The Unit Chief chuckled. “Oh, if only you knew.”

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to ssaunitchief.tumblr.com


End file.
